On the Ship & Leaving Venice, part 2

For those of you wondering if we did anything other than sightsee and deal with obnoxious children while on our vacation -- here ya go.

When I last posted, DH and I were enjoying a few drinks in the Crown Lounge...

Since it had been a long day, we only stayed in the lounge for a short while, having just a few drinks, before heading back to our room. I thought we were both too tired for any fun, so I just curled up to sleep. However, it quickly became clear that DH wasn’t too tired. He curled up behind me and started touching and rubbing, stroking and spanking. My whole body is pretty much one big erogenous zone, and DH knows just where and how to touch to get me heated up. Pretty soon he was focused on touching and rubbing me just right in that special area while I used my hand on him, squeezing and stroking. It was feeling sooo good.

And then I told him to spank my pussy. And he did, without hesitation. Thank goodness it was not with the force he uses on my backside, but, wow, what a sensation… He’d rub my clit, stroke my pussy, then SPANK… & repeat… Didn’t take long for me to come, not with that kind of attention.

As I was coming down from my high, DH made little comments about what he wanted to do next – specifically to my ass (and I don’t just mean a spanking *grin*). My response to this, “You’re not coming anywhere near my ass without some oil or lube.” And as he got up to get the needed supplies, I told him I bought some new goodies and told him where to find the Shunga kit and crop. I don’t think I’ve ever seen DH unwrap a package so fast. I’m not even sure he really read the card. The oil was found, opened and applied liberally to my bottom. (If you’re interested, it’s Shunga Erotic Art Erotic Massage Oil Libido Exotic Fruits – it smells really, really good, and even though it’s kinda sweet and fruity, DH likes it much better than the Sweet Almond Oil we have been using).

DH had me lie on my stomach with my head at the end of the bed. In this position I could pleasure him orally while he had easy spanking access, especially with the long reach of the crop. It didn’t take long for my bottom to turn a hot and glowing red, causing DH to pause, give the crop a look of admiration, and proclaim, “I like this toy.” (I’d like to note that this is now one of DH’s favorite positions). I was concerned that in reaction to one of the more painful swats, I might end of hurting him – but he was very insistent that my mouth stay on him at all times. Man, is that crop effective… (I think he also liked this position while on the cruise because of the mirrors at the head of the bed -- he had a great view of everything).

Eventually, DH had me turn around putting my feet at the end of the bed, laid over me and started rubbing his cock against my hot red bottom and letting it slip down between my legs until it slid right up inside me. A little of this teasing, and then it was up on all fours time. You know how it goes from here – filling and thrusting in my pussy till I come; more oiling and then anal, with me coming more, before DH finally reaches his limit and can’t hold back anymore.

Once we were breathing normally, DH had me take a look at my backside in the full length mirror. Oh my, what a red bottom! I think I like the crop, too. *weg*

On the Ship and Leaving Venice, part 1

Note -- We are having internet issues so while I will try to post everyday, I can't promise anything (also explains why nothing made it up yesterday, and I tried, I really, really tried $#%@#%#$%@$)

Saturday morning -- We got up early, had breakfast at the hotel, then headed into Venice and the cruise ship terminal to drop off our luggage. We wouldn’t be able to board until noon, but we needed to return the car by 10:30. Once that was done we wandered a little bit into Venice, just to give the kids a taste.

Supposedly, the cruise ship had free shuttles between the terminal and Piazzale Roma. We waited for ½ an hour, in the blazing sun, then decided to walk it. It’s not a long distance, and mostly downhill.

We checked in and boarded. First stop was our rooms (we were separated by one other room – we wanted the kids nearby but not too close). Our rooms were on the Deck 8 – pros & cons. On the plus side, top deck with cabins, close to stairs/elevators, main dining, pool, etc. Negatives – could hear people moving overhead. No luggage yet, but we still needed to check them out and show the kids around. Because OC was only 14 when we booked the trip, we had to set up the reservations with one adult per room. Since she was now 15, we needed to change things around so all the kids were in one cabin while we were in the other. And the beds needed to be fixed, too. Our cabin had two twin beds, while the kids’ had one queen and one bunk. Not going to work that way. DH and I went to wait in line at the pursers desk while the kids did a little exploring.

After everything was straightened out, it was time for lunch. The ship wasn’t sailing ‘til 5pm, so we had time to relax. And by this time we really needed a break from the monsters children. I swear, all they did was complain, all day – it was too hot, they were bored, they didn’t want to walk anymore, they were hungry, they were thirsty, they didn’t like the ship, they didn’t like their room, they didn’t like the food, why did we make them come on such a stupid trip, etc, etc, etc. And the constant bickering and arguing and nasty comments to and about each other. At one point I made a comment to MC, who had once again come to our room to complain about YC, that there was going to be one extremely pissed mama if we had to change the sleeping arrangements. I was seriously contemplating tossing them overboard. I haven’t decided yet if we’ll ever take another family vacation… So DH and I went to doze in our room and left the kids to their own devices.

Shortly before departure, we went up top to watch Venice as we sailed away. We found the kids and they actually stayed with us, for about 10 minutes. During this time they shared the amusing story of how they got lost and couldn’t find the way back to their room for a while. (The ship is not that big and the ID cards give your room number – not sure how they managed to get lost…). So we all watched Venice pass by as we sailed away. It’s such a beautiful city, and the weather was perfect (last year it had been foggy). I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but a place gets all hyped up and you’re excited to visit, but when you get there you find out the pictures in the brochure were staged, etc and it just doesn’t live up to your expectations. So disappointing. Well, Venice is just like the pictures – it’s visually stunning, the canals, the grand buildings, the variety of architectural details. And considering the number of people tromping through, it’s clean. Yep, I really like Venice.

Once we were out of Venice, DH and I went into the Solarium, where the inside pool is, and just relaxed in the lounge chairs. I slipped in and out of light sleep. DH eventually decided to enjoy the hot tub, and chatted with a fellow passenger. He didn’t think I could hear him, but I could pretty much hear every word as he relayed to this stranger the details of how we met and married, etc. (Hmmmmpppphhhh. I really can’t complain as it’s pretty much what I do with the whole blogging thing.) Before we knew it, it was after 8pm, so we went to find the kids and have some dinner. The kids were taking care of themselves, having already had dinner and then settling into their room. So DH and I had a late meal, checked on the kids, and went to the lounge to relax and have a couple of drinks. I don’t think we were in the lounge for more than 15-20 minutes before MC showed up to complain about YC. I’m serious – no more family vacations.

Good Morning, Italy

Buon Giornio.

Landed in Milan, Italy bright and early this morning. It’s amazing to fly over the Alps – all the sharp edges coated in snow, shining in the early morning sun. What a sight to see when you first wake up.

Amazingly, no luggage was lost (on DH and my very first trip, mine was lost between London and Milan – I wore the same clothes for 3 days, washing my unders in the bathroom each night). Unfortunately, it was too early for any restaurants to be open and we had about an hour and a half ‘til we could rent the car. So we sat until a snack bar opened, and just waited. I did manage to take some pictures of the Alps through the windows…

Considering the car was smaller than your average American car, it was amazing, but we easily fit in all our luggage and all of us, without being horribly cramped.

It’s a nice, straight drive across northern Italy from Milan to Venice. The scenery is gorgeous – trees in bloom; fields of orange-red poppies & other unidentified wildflowers; vineyards, big & small; hills; grand churches and fortresses; old, abandoned, and collapsing buildings; the colors of the buildings – yellows, reds, oranges. The weather was perfect – 70s and clear.

And the places we pass – Bergamo, Verona, Vicenza, Padova (Padua). Makes me think of Shakespeare…

Mind, the Autostrade is not for the faint of heart. Stay out of the left lane unless you plan on going faster than everyone else. And by faster, I mean in excess of 130 km/hr. Well in excess.

Since our cruise was leaving the next morning, we chose not to stop and see the sites, but head straight on to Venice. I think we made it in about 3 hours. We checked into the same hotel DH and I have stayed at on both previous trips, and then we took the kids to dinner at the same restaurant we’ve eaten at before, too. Oh, the town we stayed in was Quarto d’Altino. You can find it on Google Earth, if you’re so inclined.

Side note on Italian dining – Italian food is pretty much it. You do not see Mexican/Spanish, Chinese, American, British, German, or any other type of restaurant very often. And you can only take so many lunches and dinners of pizza/pasta before it becomes unappealing. I do have to say though that I really like true Italian pizza – the crust is thin and crispy with just a light layer of sauce and cheese. And they put all sorts of toppings on them – including some that do not seem appetizing at all. I do love the grilled veggie pizzas – grilled eggplant, zucchini and bell peppers. Yummy. Really puts you off Pizza Hut, et al.

Anyway, back to the story…
After dinner, it was back to the hotel and bed. But not before MC managed to break the rollaway bed. Sheesh. Just one more reason not to vacation with kids.
Sadly, DH and I were just too worn out from the travelling to muster enough energy for any action at all.

Next: On the ship and leaving Venice.

And We're Off

This little bit was written while waiting between flights –

Well, we’re on our way. Right now we’re at JFK airport waiting for our flight. And it’s a special flight, first ever American Airlines non-stop from NY to Milan.

The picture at the top - the “car” from our house to the 1st airport. Takes a big vehicle to fit all 5 of us & all of our luggage.

Since DH travels so much, he easily gets upgrades & access to the executive lounge. Much nicer waiting area than the regular lounge. Older kids are on computers, youngest is in the kids room, DH is napping, & you know what I’m doing

And now –

On approach into NY we flew over Manhattan. Pretty cool to see a place you’ve never been before, especially such a famous one. We could see the Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, Central Park, and the site of the World Trade Towers. I did get some pictures out the plane window.

For all that the flight was a ‘special’ one, can I just state here, unequivocally, that the food was horrible. I had the chicken and pasta and it was so bitter, and the brownie for dessert tasted like chemicals – I love chocolate but there was no way I was eating it. YC, who sat by me, chose the beef stew with mashed potatoes. She loves mashed potatoes (fried potatoes, baked potatoes, you get the idea). She also loves meat. She only took a couple of bites before declaring that it didn’t taste good. I didn’t taste the potatoes but I did take a bite of the stew – yuck. The meat tasted off. The only semi-decent parts of the meal were the anemic salad and the cold roll.

After ‘dinner’, the cabin lights were turned off, and we slept.

I forgot to mention, I got to travel with a nasty cold. Joy. Runny nose, congestion, coughing, the works. Tried to keep myself dosed enough not to worry the other passengers.

Prep for the Trip

When planning a 2 week vacation for a family five, some shopping is pretty much a given. The two older kids needed some dressier clothes along with some new casual clothes. DH only needed a few things, as did YC. I didn’t ‘need’ things so much as just wanted some new things for the trip (details to come).

Clothes shopping for the teens – can we just say it was like mall hell? And I already hate going to the mall and shopping…

MC did not want to get anything dressy. We split up – girls with me, boy with DH. DH found me while I was waiting for YC to finish in the bathroom. MC had on khakis, blue dress shirt, and dark blue sport jacket. Other than the too long, shaggy hair, he looked pretty good (which was getting cut the next day) – not too dressy but definitely not casual. The if-looks-could-kill gaze he gave me when I exclaimed that he looked good was accompanied by the mouthing of “I hate you.” Couldn’t help but laugh. Still not certain if the sentiment was only because of the clothes or because of spending time alone with his Dad. But he had no choice, and into the cart went the clothes.

OC needed a nice dress… 4 hours and 4 stores later, we finally found one (the boys had already gone home by then). There are reasons for this, and not just that she’s picky (although she is). OC is a little overweight (I’m guessing 25 pounds) which means the slim fashions are not going to work for her. In addition, she is very well endowed on top. We’d find something cute, it would be the right size, but without any give in the average size bust area, it just wasn’t going to work. We even looked at separates, but she didn’t see anything she liked. Finally, while wandering through one store, we saw a really cute dress but it was in petites. We took note of the brand, and went looking for it in misses or juniors. Found it in women’s but even their smallest was too large for her. Finally, when we were just about to give up, we found it in the misses section, along with a cute sweater she could wear with it.

YC only needed a couple of things – flip-flops, shorts and a sweater. However, by the end of the day she was crying because everyone else got more than she did. I recognize that exhaustion was a big factor in the breakdown.

What did I get? – 2 capris, 2 sweaters, 1 shirt, new panties, bras and lingerie. I haven’t done any clothes shopping since last year, so was more than due. And what better reason to buy some new and sexy under things than a cruise vacation (it was my reason last year, so I figured I’d make it a tradition). And I’m of the opinion that sexy & sensual under things are not just for special occasions; I like knowing I’m wearing something special, even if one else ever sees them.

That was all on Saturday. On Sunday there was just a little bit more to do – shoes for the 3 of us girls. Didn’t take nearly as long as Saturday’s excursion. Thank goodness.

During the week, I made a special trip to a ‘special’ store – you know, one that stocks all sorts of adult toys and goodies. I tried not to go too crazy, seeing how we already have quite a few, but I had to get something new. Right? I bought a crop (we don’t have one); a leather paddle w/ ‘fur’ on one side (don’t have one exactly like it); Shunga kit (oil, cream, powder, etc); and a few other odds and ends, plus a nice naughty card. The Shunga kit actually came all wrapped up, so I treated it as a special gift for DH. I also packed a couple of our ‘old’ toys – my purple vibrator, the red flogger and the wooden hairbrush. Guess what I didn’t pack… the nasty bath brush (I decided that if DH really wanted it, he could pack it himself; I was not going to pack something I loathe).

Somehow we managed to get everything packed into 6 not so big suitcases (1 for each person clothes, plus 1 master case for all the bathroom stuff – that way if anything exploded it wouldn’t end up on clothes). Really not bad for 5 people travelling for 2 weeks. Wednesday night before bed, we were ready to go.

I'm Back!

Hey all, did ya miss me? I missed you -- specifically being able to log on at will to read emails and blogs, and do some posting. Hope everyone is well -- I'm starting to get caught up with current posts on other blogs. Gotta love the RSS feeds.

We've been back a week, and believe it or not, I really haven't had the time or energy to sit down and blog, or anything else computer related. Plus DH gets a little tetschy if I spend all evening on the computer. Nothing like time zone differences and no one backing you up at work to overload you when you come back from vacation.

So, I'm pretty much over the jet lag, got the laundry, the yard, and the house caught up, and DH is in Mexico for the week (left today, back on Friday). I am definitely taking advantage of his absence.

Have started to flesh out my vacation notes into narratives and will begin posting tomorrow. And, yes, spankings did happen and will be mentioned. And there will be lots of pics -- vacation pics, not spanking pics (a funny story about that will be relayed in an upcoming post).

So looking forward to getting back in the swing of things.

Where have you been today?

Not dead, not gone -- travelling. On our family vacation (don't think we're ever travelling with the kids again - more on that later). So just a quick note -- I've been jotting down notes and ideas and when it doesn't cost so much to get online (and isn't so bloody slow), I will definitely post pics and narrative.

Oh, and today, we were in Athens, Greece. That's the Temple of Athena & Poseidon on the Acropolis. Amazing what they could do without computers and electricity.

On to Mykonos...

Four days and counting...

...til we head off on our 2 week vacation.

But before I get into all that, here's an update.

How I know DH is trying -- I bought a new camera, Canon Rebel Xti 10.1MP, without discussing it with DH. This was not a spur of the moment decision, but researched and thought out. Every year since my Dad died, I've received a disbursement, and this year was no different. Once I was informed that I would get the disbursement and for how much, I started researching cameras online. I looked at different brands, compared specs, read user reviews, checked different vendors for prices, went to stores to actually look at and hold the ones I was interested in. And I made my decision, went to Amazon.com and ordered the camera and a few accessories. All without saying a word to DH.

He got back from his trip last Sunday and we all went out for dinner. While out, OC mentioned that I had ordered a camera. DH asked how much, etc., and wasn't really happy with my answers, complaining that I should have discussed it with him first (I didn't because I knew he wouldn't like my choice). He got quiet and still and said to me, "This is a lot to take in. I'm going to need some time." The old DH would have cursed, made negative comments and stormed out. We had a quiet, if somewhat tense meal, then went home. While relaxing before bed, he told me that he also ordered a camera (without discussing with me :p). We snuggled and all was fine.

The next morning while showering together before work, he got in a few sharp smacks on my behind. When I asked if I was being spanked because of the camera, he said 'no, you don't get any spanking now" and stopped. Darn it -- isn't it supposed to be the other way? Misbehave and get a spanking?

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I was too exhausted all week for any action; it was like I was on a timer -- the clock hit 10pm and I was out. I knew DH wanted some attention, but I was alert for such a small time after the kids went to bed... But I decided that Thursday he'd get some special attention -- I'd urge the kids to go to bed on time and make sure things were ready for the night so we'd get to bed a little earlier.

During dinner cleanup, DH was putting food in the fridge and I went over to give/get some kisses. Along with the kisses, I got some nice spanks -- not too hard, not too soft, with a nice rhythm. My back was to the family room, but apparently MC was watching. DH smiled and nodded his head to let me know we had an audience. 'I'm just standing here, you're doing the spanking' was my response. It was definitely a clear sign of where his mind was.

I got YC into bed, and got things ready. I got undressed and into my robe, got out the edible oil and a towel, and waited for DH. I was going to surprise him with a blowjob.

He came up and got ready for bed. I closed and locked the door. He decided the dog needed one more trip outside. I waited. He came back in, but didn't close and lock the door. I protested.

Door closed and locked he came to bed. The TV was on, but honestly, I have no idea what we were watching. I snuggled up and let my hand start working on him. Wasn't long before it was evident how much he was enjoying my attentions.

I told him to remove his pants. He was a little surprised, but that didn't slow him down. I shifted my position so I was half kneeling, half lying perpendicular to him. I pulled out the edible oil, and poured it on. It's the type that warms up when blown on -- so I blew, and DH groaned. And then I went to town, licking, sucking, nibbling -- working hard to make sure I got up every last drop of oil. And while I was working on him, DH was working on me -- patting, spanking, rubbing, pulling my robe up, pulling my panties up so they weren't covering my bottom but were still rubbing sensitive areas.

DH told me how sexy I looked with my hair pulled back so he could watch me work on his cock. He'd tell me how much he liked certain movements, told me to do others, moved my head. He was so enjoying his special surprise.

Then he told me to stop -- he didn't want to come in my mouth, but in my pussy. I needed to remove my robe and get on all fours at the edge of the bed -- his favorite position for me. I did as he asked. Once I was in place, he leaned over to pull off my panties, and as he did, he kissed my left cheek. God, I love when he does little things like that....

And then the spanking began. Strong, solid spanks. I have to admit, I did do a little topping from the bottom, turning back to look at him while asking what kind of spanking was this supposed to be, punishment or fun (damn, he can spank hard). He just told me to shhh, and indicated I should get back into position. But I did notice that the spanks weren't quite so punishing after that :D

And of course, one thing led to another. He spanked me (not enough), oiled me, and fucked me. Deciding that he hadn't lasted long enough to thoroughly pleasure me, he went and got a certain toy out (the purple vibrating one that looks like a certain piece of male anatomy). (To be fair, we hadn't had any 'fun' since before he left on this last trip -- almost 2 weeks, and I did get him pretty worked up with the BJ). And with me lying prone on my belly, he used that toy till I squirted all over it in ecstasy.

All this, and I still had the lights out by 10 :D

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So things are good, and DH has promised we're going to have lots of fun on our vacation, too. Don't think it'll be quite as much 'fun' as last years since the kids will be with us, but we'll try (we're taking toys).

Happy Earth Day

Hey all. Still alive, still kicking. Just seems like everytime I'm feeling energized enough to get on the computer, life steps in. Long hours at work, prepping for vacation, school activities, etc.

Last week I was all set to hop online on Wednesday. I took a bad spill that morning (fell off the edge of a sidewalk causing my right ankle to fold in as far as it could go) so I came home from work, had my ankle compressed, iced, and elevated. Turned the computer on, got my notes out, and.....

NO INTERNET!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Apparently DH forgot to pay the bill -- what with all the tax headaches we had and the travelling for work. So he called from Mexico, I asked, he exclaimed -- then paid the bill.

Thursday -- no internet.

Friday -- while at work I called the provider. They needed to do an update and that should fix things. Nope. Came home, called them again, followed their instructions, and voila -- internet access. Yeah! But now it was late, and YC had a friend sleeping over, so I couldn't shut myself away with my laptop.

Then the weekend was just too busy.

So, since I had to get on line anyway to do our pre-cruise online check-in, I figured 'what the heck' and here I am.

But since this is 'just checking in' post -- got an early day tomorrow -- this is all you get from me.

Things are...

... better. Stabilized. Improving? I'm still just taking it one day at a time, but the days have been pretty good lately.

DH has decided, after talking to a marriage counsellor, that marriage counselling is not what we need as all the nasty hurtful things he said to me were said precisely because he knew they would be hurtful, not because he really feels that way. And that compared to others he knows, we really do have a good marriage. His problems are stress and anger and how he deals with them. I still think he needs to talk to someone about ways to deal with the stress and anger, but I can't force him, and I think it scared him that I was ready to let him go without begging him to stay. He's been trying really hard not to let the stressful things build up to the point where he rages. I did see "Anger Management for Dummies." Thought about buying it, for about 2 seconds -- DH is not a reader.

So after multiple apologies, both verbal and written, we've started to reconnect.

And, yes, I do mean sex and spankings.

It's taken me a while to get to where I felt I could be physically intimate with him again. Of course, my resistance to his advances was not appreciated, and temporarily increased the friction. But we talked it out. At times like this, instead of being a hindrance, his travelling has helped as it has given us physical distance while still allowing us to talk (phone and email) and say what needs to be said.

I did tell him clearly that there had better never be a repeat of that day -- he's out of "second chances."

And I also told him, only partly joking, that he ever pulls that crap again, he will be the one bent over with a bare backside getting the spanking. He laughed -- I was only partly kidding. Could I really do it? Not without his consent as there is no way I could hold him down if he didn't want to be held done and spanked -- but I think it's a good indication of how serious I am about no longer tolerating his angry outbursts.

So, keep wishing us well. It seems like we're on the right track back to normality, but it still takes time to regain all the ground that was lost.

Limbo

Hi all.
Hasn't been anything of note to blog about. Relationship, spanking, or otherwise.
Counselling has been postponed (waiting for the insurance deductible to be met so sessions are more affordable).
We have hired a cleaning company to help with the house, and it seems to be helping with my husband's mood.
So... we're still together but somewhat in limbo. There's definitely no going back, and there's no going forward till we can go to counselling and see if things can get better. So it's just day by day, trying to get along and keeping the peace.
Of course, I've come to discover that since I been trying to 'go along to get along', he's of the opinion that everything is OK now. Didn't like it last night when I told him things aren't right yet. Did his usual curse and leave. Which is why we need counselling -- if he's not even going to listen to me and talk to me about the issues, there really is no hope.

Work is increasingly stressful. There are 3 projects happening pretty much concurrently, all major, and I am at least nominally involved with all. And the scope of one project is constantly changing and bringing up issues that directly affect my job, and no one seems to really know what to do. And the 'go live' date for the major, company-wide, change is May 1st -- the day my 2-week vacation starts. That's only 6 weeks away. And can I say, we are no where near ready. The training that corporate is providing is severely inadequate. Fortunately, there are a few of us in my facility that already know the software, but of the 4 of us, 2 of us will be gone for go live. I'm going to try to meet with the facility manager tomorrow and see if we can start some sort of on site training so that we won't be completely blind sided at go live. Of course, it'd be much better if the higher ups would just decide to postpone till June or so.

On the good side -- it's starting to feel more springlike. Actually had 50's and sun this past week. Was so wonderful to go outside.

And my baby turned 7 yesterday. Can't believe she's 7 now. Hard to believe that 7 years ago yesterday I was in pain in the hospital, struggling to bring her into the world. She was my hardest delivery, and the only one in the middle of the night. If she had been the first, she might have ended up an only :) We're having her party next month -- due to certain issues (husband) we just didn't get anything set up in time, and with Easter and Spring Break coming up, it's had to be pushed back. We did have a special meal and cake and presents for her yesterday. She was happy.

And while spanking is never far from my thoughts, there are no personal experiences to share -- and won't be for a while. Just not in a place where that is right for us now. Should I find the energy and desire, I'll try to get some past experiences written up, review stats, find general references and discussions to mention, etc. Just finding it hard to get in the right frame of mind....

March? Already?

A new month -- a new start?

We've got our first counselling session scheduled for the 11th. We have to wait til then because He (I'm sorry, but I just can't call him DH again, not just yet) is travelling for work -- Mexico this week. Then home for a week or two and then he's hardly going to be home for a while. We've decided on a minimum of 3 sessions, and then we'll assess.

It's not going to be easy, but it's necessary. He keeps telling me how sorry he is, and how much he loves me and wants me, but I still flash to how he looked and sounded and what he said just last week. He has almost a Jekyll-Hyde thing going on when he gets so angry, and he expects me to just forgive and forget. It's just not that easy for me. But I'm trying.

And if we do work this all out, I'm pretty certain spankings will continue -- he's mentioned them more than once. And then I will be back in the mindset of wanting to write about it. I'm not writing about spankings right now because it's a little emotionally painful to revisit the good spankings and sex we've had. Please bear with me -- I'll get there again.

Other news-- It's actually spring-like today, but the weather is supposed to take an icky turn the rest of this week. And he's in 80 degree Mexico. *sigh*

One of my stressors has been removed. I've been really worried about my job, about my upcoming performance review... I'm in kind of an odd position. I work far, far away from my boss, with a sort of dotted-line supervisor. I rarely even have any sort of contact with my boss, and the company has been going through a lot of big changes lately, making me worry about my future. Well, the boss sent me my review and it was much better than I expected. He had me do a self review and I struggled to find things I felt proud of accomplishing in the past year, and took the opportunity to express some of my dissatisfaction and concerns. But, apparently, he hears good things about me and my performance from others, and since he's given me goals with end dates of 12/21/08, I'm assuming there are no immediate plans to get rid of me. Now, I'm just hoping for a pay raise.

Oh, and another concern and how it would play into things -- we have a major system implementation occurring on May 1st... and guess what day my 2 week vacation starts. Yep, May 1st -- obviously planned before we knew the implementation date had changed. So I'll be working hard helping to get it all ready before we leave.

And yes, even with the recent update, we're still planning on the vacation. We've already paid for it, and I'm not sure how much of a refund we'd get if we cancelled now. Besides, we'll have two rooms -- we can always split it as girls in one and boys in the other (rather than adults/kids).

So, we're still together, still trying to work it all out. Please continue with the well wishes and good thoughts.

Quick update

Thank you everyone for your words of support and comfort -- they are so appreciated.

He is discussing counselling -- and I've made it clear that we go nowhere without it. He obviously has issues that he needs help to deal with. And counselling would not hurt me, or the kids either.

For those who have concerns for our safety -- he has never physically abused me, nor even threatened to do so while angry. So, please don't worry about our physical safety. We're fine -- if a little frazzled and stressed.

I've adjusted my work week, at least for this week, so that I am with the kids before and after school, working from home when I can. They need to know that they can count on me.

I know I'm no angel, not perfect, but I know the way he has treated me for my imperfections is so off. And I said and did things on Sunday, in reaction to him, that I am not proud of. I have apologized to him and to the kids.

I do feel somewhat vindicated in that the attorney, his co-workers, and the counsellor have all indicated that they feel he is way off-base and over-reacting. Obviously, if these things are bothering him enough to cause an outburst like Sundays, they need to be addressed.

So, we'll see. It's one day at a time. And, regardless of how this ends, I know I will come through it stronger and better. I am a survivor.

Hugs to you all.

The End?

I've thought repeatedly about how to put this down in words, but there is just no nice, easy way to say this ---

After 15 years, 3 kids, and just when I thought we were better than ever, my husband has decided he not only doesn't love me, but doesn't even like me (he said truly horrible, hurtful, nasty things) and wants a divorce.

He went to see an attorney today. All he really told me was that he can't afford to move out, and that the attorney thinks he's overreacting (not his exact words) in deciding to divorce me over the differences we have. And suggested counselling, which he (husband) has decided isn't worth it. And the people at his work who he told also think he's being ridiculous.

Just to be clear -- he finds me unattractive ("fat" and "ugly" were said) and does not like that I buy and read books (lots of books) and doesn't think I'm a good housecleaner. And that's a nice clean version of what he said to me, in front of the kids.

I'm at a loss. I could understand if I'd been unfaithful or if I were abusive towards him or the kids, or if we lived in squalor and filth, or I had turned him away every time he wanted sex...

The kids, of course, are upset. OC isn't talking about it. MC wants to go stay with friends. YC was too upset to go to school today so came to work with me.

I broke down at work when telling a friend, my manager, and then my boss. I've requested a flexible schedule so I can be more available for the kids and so far everyone is ok with that. Most of what I do really can be done from home. And the boss has suggested that perhaps this is not the time for me to make a trip out to one of our other facilities.

So, I sit here tonight, so stressed my back hurts from jaw to ankle, my head aches, my eyes ache, my ears ache and my heart aches. I feel like I've been so gullible and naive and stupid in believing him every time he has told me he loves me and likes me and wants me. Just a week and a half ago was Valentine's -- apparently it was all a lie.

Not sure if he'll decide to go through with it -- he's threatened in the past, every time he's gotten angry, but this is the first time he's actually gone to an attorney. Not sure what I want, other than not him, unless he gets some serious help. If he truly doesn't want me, then I don't want him to stay.

Emotionally, I know I will be fine. My concern leans more to the financial and to the kids' wellbeing. We just have to take it one day at a time.

And I don't know what will happen with this blog. Not sure I want to stop, but obviously it's focus will have to change from my real life experiences to more wishing, dreaming, hoping and spanko things I happen upon in the world around me. Kinda depends on if I still have a readership after all this...

Anyway, not asking for pity or anything, just needed to let people know what's going on.

Weekend & Days 11, 12, 13, & 14

I'd love to be able to regale you with the details of our hot and spankful weekend -- but I'd be lying. Seriously. As far as spankings and sex went, this weekend was a bust (ok, there was sex-- 2 quickies, that's it). DH was just too tired from all his travelling and time change and I was worn out from my week+ as a single parent. So we did chores (bought a dryer, did the grocery shopping, cleaned house, did laundry) and rested (I dozed, DH napped) and went to bed early. Saturday we didn't even do date night, and had the TV and the lights off before 1opm. And this week I have 3 days of meetings at a location 2 hours away, so I will have to leave earlier than usual and will be getting home later -- joy. And based on previous similar meetings, there will be a whole lot of "hurry up and wait" going on. Just great. I can feel the migraine already. So don't expect much from me this week. Sorry.

Anyway, since I don't have any weekend stories to share, here's my take on days 11, 12, 13, & 14 for Romantic Spanking Month.

Day 11 – Bend over the arm of the couch

This is something I would like to try. Unfortunately, in our day to day life it’s just not likely to happen. We have kids and they’re usually home when we’re home, so all our “action” occurs in our bedroom, with the door closed and the TV on. And while we have couches in the house, the way they are situated pretty much blocks the arms.
Hmmm, this might be something we could try on a night spent in a hotel…

Dec 12 – Pick an implement not designed for spanking

Oh, yes, can do, and have done often. Most of what we use are “pervertables” – hairbrush, bathbrush, belt, shoe, wooden spoons, etc. – not usually purchased for spanking (the bath brush being the exception here). Yet, somehow they end up being used to redden my backside.

Day 13 – Talk about spankings

DH and I don’t do this a whole lot. Generally, because I’m not really comfortable bringing the topic up; I never know what his reaction is going to be. I’ve found that the less I mention them, the more he does, at least in passing (or while we’re snuggled in bed and his hand finds my bottom) and not seriously. I do wish he’d be more willing to talk about them – what we’d like to try, what works and what doesn’t, what we each need/expect from a spanking – another thing to work on…

Day 14 – Show your lover how much you care

You all saw the “card” I sent to DH for Valentine’s – with him in France and me in the U.S., physical demonstration was not going to happen. And DH showed me how he cared by calling me and sending me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
While Valentine’s (and birthdays, anniversary, and other ‘holidays’) are good incentive to show love, I really try not to limit myself but let DH know as often as possible how much either love him, either by word or deed.

Happy Valentine's Day

DH gets home tomorrow, but I couldn't let Valentine's Day pass unrecognized, so late last night I created a loving letter and emailed it to him. I knew he'd get it first thing this morning, well before I'd be up. He called me as I was dropping YC off at child care. He sounded pretty amazed.
Thought I'd share it with you.

Things I love about you
That you love me, even after all these years (and all the weight)

That you (most of the time) get my wicked wit

How you smile when we’re sharing a look (usually about something silly a child has done)

That you’re a mushy drunk and not a mean one

That you’re willing to spank me

That you try to (sometimes) get all Dom with me
That you work so hard to take care of us

That you put up with my eccentricities

That you try to understand me

That you are confident and sure of yourself (without being arrogant or cocky)
That we fit so well together – and not just physically

That you’ll make sure I come first and in the middle, and sometimes last

That you don’t realize just how much power you do have over me

That you’re loving and playful
That you try to be a good father and a good husband
That you cook for yourself and for us

That you help out with the housework (and sometimes do the major amount)

How we can laugh so much together, sometimes over the silliest things

How we can snuggle and watch TV together before going to sleep

How supportive you are of me and the things I like to do (even if you don’t get it)

That you tell me that you love what I can do to you with my hands and mouth

That you still pay me compliments

I know I can think of more, but this should do, for now.

Days 7, 8, 9 & 10

Day 7 – Send your lover a sexy spanko e-mail.

Did this. It’s not unusual for me to send DH loving emails while he’s travelling. This time, I added a suggestive picture to the words.
I went to http://www.naughtycards.com/. If you haven’t been there, there have a pretty good selection of sexy cards, for all sorts, not just spankos.
I knew that DH wouldn’t actually get the card until Friday, but it would be there as soon as he logged on.
And I know he got it, and liked it, because he sent me this message:
Thank you for the card it is my Desk top back ground.

Day 8 – Play act a trip to the principal’s office.

Even if DH were home, I don’t think this would happen. DH just isn’t into this kind of playing. Ok, I haven’t really brought role-playing up with him, but knowing him, I just can’t see him getting into it. I know, he might surprise me. He has recently mentioned that he would like to see me in a maid’s uniform (you know, the sexy French type). At some point I will get one and will see what happens next.

So, maybe I’ll have to bring play-acting up with him, see if he’s willing to give it a try.

Day 9 – It’s fun to spank while making love

Yep, yep, yep.
While obviously we didn’t do this on the ninth, it’s a standard part of our sex life. One of the reasons DH like me on all fours is the ready access to my backside. Me, I like the spanking to start before the actual intercourse, but spanking during just adds to the experience. I can’t see him, I can’t tell what he might be doing when a hand is removed from my hips, and the anticipation of knowing a spank might be coming just kicks things up a bit.

Day 10 – Show off your lingerie

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you’ll know that I do use lingerie to spice things up. Since I don’t wear pajamas, DH knows what’s on my mind when I show up wearing lingerie. And I will probably be wearing some this weekend.

Look what i found

I know I already posted today, but I couldn't resist.

I was not looking for anything spanking related, just looking for something to decorate an "I miss you" message to DH.

And look what I found on webfetti.

Spankos -- We're everywhere!

Days 5 & 6

Day 5 – OTK is A-OK today! and Day 6 – Try a wet spanking.

Didn’t manage either of these.

OTK is not something we’ve done. Not because I’m not interested (well, duh, I’m a spanko), but mainly because of physical limitations. I am just not in a shape where either of us would be comfortable with me draped over his lap. Even if it’s across his legs while he’s on the bed, I still am not comfortable mentally and worry that it’s not comfortable for him physically. So I haven’t pushed the issue. Maybe someday I’ll feel ready to give this a try.

Wet – I just could not come up with a way to set this up. Seeing as we had both showered that morning before work, insisting on a joint shower before bed and pulling implements into it, just seemed too obvious. And too likely to be rejected. Remember, DH ‘claims’ to not be that into spanking and gets rather standoffish if he feels like I’m pushing it at him too much (his definition of too much, not mine). *Sigh*

And logistically I just couldn’t figure out a good way, even if he were totally into it.

*The shower is way too small for much activity – I’d be worried that he’d hurt himself or break something while trying to get a good swing going.

*Next option would be to get out soaking wet and take up position somewhere in the bathroom (over the edge of the tub, leaning over the counter, on all fours). This would be way too freaking cold. Our bathroom is always like a walk in cooler; and being wet from the shower would leave us shivering, and not with arousal or anticipation. And then we’d also have to have water, warm, on hand to keep my backside good and wet, making a mess.

*Finally, we could move into the bedroom. But it’s carpeted and in the effort to keep me good and wet, the carpet would likely end up good and wet as well. Just not a good idea.

All in all, just too much work for an iffy scenario on a work night.

But I’m not giving up on this as an activity to pursue some other time.

Now, not all was lost, as we did engage in some enjoyable sex. With DH leaving for over a week, we needed to make sure we had some quality time together. And we did.

Days 3 & 4 + some other stuff

Dear Readers -- Down at the very end of this post I've asked a question that I really would like to receive answers to, if you're willing. And I thank you in advance.

Day 3 -- Read some new spanking blogs

Did this, using Bonnie’s Kindred Spirits list to provide some guidance/inspiration.

A Taste of the Birch
ABC’s of My Life
I’m Her Husband Not Another Father

I’ve added the feeds from all three to my feeds list so I can more easily keep up with them. I like that ABC’s and Husband are written by wife and husband, respectively. For whatever reason, women seem to be more into writing about what goes on with their lives while the men seem to be a little more reticient. It’s nice to get the male and female perspectives.

Day 4 – It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting

So this night, we were basically going for the plain old vanilla (as we define it) action. Being a Monday, we’d both had work that day and were going to have to get up the next morning and do it all again (work, not sex *sigh*). So no fancy dress up or laying out of accessories, just undressing and going at it with the TV on in the background.

DH was watching a recorded Leno and I snuggled up next to him. Hands started moving – mine over him, his over me. Kissing, caressing, stroking, squeezing. I do believe there were a few swats at my backside *grin*, but nothing I would classify as a spanking. DH requested some oral attention, so I removed myself from the bed to kneel at his feet. Besides me on my hands and knees during sex, this would be DH’s favorite position to see me in.

Keeping in mind that this day was needing some sting, I managed to reach over to DH’s bedside table and rummage in the drawers to find a certain toy – a red rubber multi-strand whip. DH doesn’t use this one often, but I really like it when he does – it’s got a lovely thud/sting combo going on. A pleasurable thud/sting, unlike some other implements he uses fairly regularly. I handed it to him and he used it lightly, mainly over my shoulders and back as he was finding it difficult to reach further down.

DH tossed the whip onto the bed then helped me up and into his favorite position. And then, well, you know… the usual – enter, thrust, orgasm-me, orgasm-him, relax onto bed.

Then I had myself a bit of fun.

DH went into the bathroom, to do whatever he needed to do. And instead of shifting my position (as he’d requested), I stayed sideways across the bed, blocking DH’s spot. A calculated risk, as the whip was next to me on the bed. When he came out and saw me still where he’d left me, he was less than pleased. He again told me to move. I looked up over my shoulder and clear as day told him, “Make me.” He responded with, “I just wish I could.”

Now, I can’t say with any certainty who looked at the whip first. All I know is that he saw it, knew what to do, picked it up and applied it heartily to my backside. Ahhh, such lovely heat, such lovely sting. Didn’t take too many strikes before I was giggling and scrambling out of the way, onto my side of the bed, to his remarks about doing as he says, being in trouble, etc.

What wonderful, lovely (and sting-y) fun.

And the other stuff

Yesterday while at the store I was looking at Valentine cards for DH. Saw a couple that had me laughing in the middle of the aisle and getting odd looks from the kiddies. Keep in mind I'm paraphrasing as I don't have the cards in question.

1st card--

Front -- I've got an idea for a different way to play Texas Hold 'Em...

Inside -- ... I'll go get the rope.

2nd card --

Front -- I went to one of those stores where you can make the special 'bears'...

Inside -- They threw me out after I added the handcuffs and the black leather whip. (Accompanied by a picture of a teddie bear with cuffs on the wrists and ankles, holding handcuffs in the right paw and a whip in the left)

Got a couple of sexy ones for DH. We just don't do the mushy sentimental cards -- just can't. Not that we don't love each other and tell each other this, but those cards are just so not us. Ok, well, they're DH after he's had a few drinks (he's a mushy drunk *said with love*).

And had an interesting conversation with DH today. I was out running errands during my lunch hour. He called and of course I had left my phone in the car (duh). So I called him back, and over an absolutely horrid echo, had the following basic conversation.

DH: Where are you?

Me: out running errands.

DH: What errands?

I ran down the list, even able to say "I did too" when he commented that I probably hadn't done something he'd asked me to do. After which I said, "I've been such a good girl today, I think I should get a reward."

DH: Go give yourself a spanking.

Me: [laughing] That's no fun!

DH laughed too then went on with the conversation. (wait, wait, wait -- a little background is needed before this part. Back on the 3rd I was a sneaky little minx and went on to My Bottom Smarts on DH's iPhone [looking at the Romantic Spanking Month calendar] and then did not exit all the way out before handing it back to him. I did this purposely -- I knew this meant that the next time he went on line with his phone, MBS would be staring out at him. And the next day while at work, he called to ask what was I looking at, was that some spanking stuff, etc. I answered in the affirmative and that was the end of it --- I thought....)

DH: I was looking at that spanking website, the one that is red, that you had on my iPhone.

Me: [silence... really how am I supposed to respond to that?]

DH: What does [ ] D mean?

It was not a perfect connection, lots of static with a bad echo, so I thought he was asking about BDSM and said what that stands for.

DH: No. DD.

Me: DD? Domestic Discipline.

DH: OK. That's right. [ok, apparently this was a trick question since he already knew the answer -- now I can't help wondering why the test] I googled it to find out what it meant. Domestic Discpline means there's spankings but it's not sex?

Me: Different people practice it differently. For some people, there's sex no matter what kind of spanking it was.

And that was pretty much the end of the conversation. I'm guessing he checked out a few of the Kindred Spirits from MBS in order to find mention of DD.

And yes, I realize, and did at the time, that by leaving MBS up for DH to find, he might, just might, if he really took a look at the blog, notice over in the Kindred Spirits listing a blog called Robin's Red Bottom, make the not so difficult deduction that this could be his wife's blog, and check it out. Only now, knowing that he has been checking things out, there's a wee bit of panic coursing through my system.

Now big question (and please, please answer, either through comments of email) -- Do you think I've blogged anything that DH might take horrible offense at? That might upset him terribly?

I know I've occasionally complained about something going on with us, but overall what I've written has been positive, loving and supportive -- right? (pleadingly)