Day to Day

Got a nice brief 'half-butt' hand spanking last night.

What's a 'half-butt' spanking, you ask?

Well, that's what happens when the spankee is curled up on her left side, trying to go to sleep, and the spanker decides that he needs to get a few spanks in before actually falling asleep. Since the spankee is on her left side, really only the right side of her butt is readily available for the spanker to spank.

So I drifted off to sleep with a nice tingling on the right side.

Then this morning, before work, I had to give myself my very first spanking diet discipline spanking. Sheeesh. Not fun, not at all. Painful physically, and emotionally... well, I just felt stupid that I couldn't manage to even lose .1 pound in a week so had to spank myself. I will do better this week. I really don't want to have to do that again.

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So the title today? John had mentioned in a comment that he liked to hear about my day-to-day life. My response was that there isn't much going on day to day, but that I would provide a breakdown.

Monday through Friday

• My alarm goes off at 5:30. And I turn it off. I listen to OC get up and head out the door (if she goes to her pre-school church class, she's out by 6am, and if going straight to school, she's out by 6:45).
• About 7am I wake up MC, then crawl back into bed for another 1/2 hour or so. If DH is home, he usually gets up between 7 and 7:30, kissing me good-bye before heading downstairs. At which point I turn on the TV and open the curtain so I don't fall back asleep.
• About 8am I wake up YC and make sure she brushes her teeth and her hair, changes her clothes and eats breakfast before driving her to school.
• Then I either return home to work from home, or start my commute into the office. I work 'til at least 5pm but sometimes as late as 6pm.
• Dinner, housework, TV, computer, bed... if I'm lucky there's some fun and games with DH before sleep

Weekends, we tend to sleep in, maybe have some fun in the morning before getting up, or at night before sleep. Some Saturdays, DH and I go out for a 'date'. The rest of the weekends are taken up with housework, shopping, errands. Once the weather improves, I hope we can get out more for fun things, like the zoo.

That's basically it. Throw in the occasional appointment, running errands, and sex, and you've got my life in a nutshell.

Right now the kids are home on spring break, so there have been multiple other kids in and out of our home (tonight there are 2 additional teen boys and one additional little girl, all spending the night since I work from home tomorrow). DH is home for his second week in a row and isn't expecting to go anywhere for at least another 10 days or so. Kids are all doing well in school, getting good grades, getting along with everyone. Work is going along (I keep reminding myself that I am lucky to have a job, repeating this over and over and over...). OC turns 16 in 10 days. I can't believe she's that old, or that we are :P.

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Oooh, here's something good. Know what DH wants to do on Good Friday? He wants to go camping. Nothing inherently wrong with that. We do have a tent. And sleeping bags.... um, no other camping supplies....

And it's been at least 20 years since either of has camped. His experience was military, mine was family. We used to camp a lot when I was growing up. Every couple of years we would travel between California and Washington for vacation. We had a favorite campground outside Bend, Oregon, and another outside Leavenworth, WA. After we moved to Washington, there were lots of wonderful campgrounds all around, and we camped frequently just with our family or with various church groups. I also served as a school camp counsellor in my 7th, 8th, 11th, and 12th grades, and one summer when I worked for the youth conservation corp we spend an entire week up in the mountains.

All of those experiences are fond memories, and I would love for my kids to have the same sorts of experiences and memories, but I really don't think we're properly equipped at this time. Seriously, all we have is a tent and some sleeping bags. No tarps, no air mattresses, no coolers, no cooking gear.... I don't know about this, but I'm game. Wish us luck.

Depression and Submissiveness

While poking through the various blogs I read (ok, trying to catch up), I found a link to Selkie's blog, went over and started to read.

Last Thursday, she had a little rant on depression and BDSM. You can read it here. Made me wonder who these people talk to to come up with ideas such as submissives being depressives. And that perhaps the BDSM plays into it.

Now, what I'm going to say here is my opinion and my experience only, so obviously I don't expect anyone to agree or have necessarily experienced anything similar. And you are welcome to state your objections, just be nice about it.

For years, and looking back through journals, clearly all the way back to my teen years, I have had times where I've felt like I was being sucked into the abyss. Now, I'm not going to call it depression as I've never been formally diagnosed ~~ although based on some informal conversations with people who do diagnose and treat depression, plus taking some questionnaires, if it wasn't actual Depression, it was pretty darn close.

Fortunately, I never got to the point where I seriously contemplated physically hurting myself or suicide (thoughts crossed my mind, but I pushed them out), but I often thought of just walking away, leaving it all behind (husband, kids, home, job, etc.), with no plan of where I would go, what I would do, just needing desperately to get away from everything in the idea that perhaps then the pain would go away (I even had clear visions of walking down the front walk with a backpack, without even looking back). Somehow, in all the pain is was feeling, I was still able to realize that leaving would only hurt my family, and based on my pain and misery, I didn't want to possibly cause those feelings in them.

For years, I spent far more time in that dark place, functioning just enough to get by, than I did out of it. Why didn't I discuss it with a doctor? Honestly, I just figured it was normal ~~ I was stressed by high school, then by college, parents divorcing, relationships of my own, trying to juggle work and school to pay bills, marriage, children (2 close together), etc. And when I did try to mention it to doctors, they'd get to the "hurting yourself/suicide" questions and when I answered "no, but I do just want to leave it all, just crawl in a hole", I would generally get the "well, then you're not really depressed, you're just exhausted, try to get more rest, eat better, etc." type of speech. So, again, it was just 'normal' and to be expected, so I struggled on.

If you've read this far, you're probably wondering how this ties into BDSM and submissiveness. Bear with me, I'm getting there *grin*

With all the reading I've done during my life, romances were not part of it. Now if romance were a part of the story, that was great, but I did not ever, ever go into the romance section of the book store. Frankly, I was embarrassed by the covers (bodice rippers, anyone?) and just couldn't bring myself to take one up to the counter and have anyone see what I was buying. Then, a few years ago, I discovered contemporary romances ~~ often written in first person, women who I could relate to, strong alpha males, and nice covers. I started reading then, wanted what they described, and tried to figure out how to get that kind of vibe going in my marriage.

Enter the internet and searching for erotica online. I found sites with all sorts of stories, but the one's that really got my attention were the spanking and dominance stories. I recognized that this was what I was looking for, what I needed in my relationship. Just accepting these things about myself, identifying myself as a woman with submissive tendencies, with sexual wants and needs, started to lift the dark cloud that had hung over me for so many years. And once I opened up to DH, and he came on board (at least somewhat, however sporadically), things really changed.

I rarely now have those black times, where I feel I'm sinking down into the dark whirlpool and don't feel like I will ever make it out. It does still happen, but less frequently (months apart now) and less severe (days instead of weeks/months). And before anyone says, PMS, um, no, not really, especially not in the past (god forbid PMS should last for months), although all those hormonal shifts can contribute. But I've checked the calendar and can honestly say that I there is no strong correlation between my dark times and my period.

So, in conclusion, in my case, realizing, accepting, and acting upon my submissiveness has actually reduced my "depressive" episodes. I realize this is not the case with all people, but it's my experience.

Final note: I am not a doctor or a therapist or anything like that, so I am in no way advising that anyone who has been formally diagnosed with depression and/or prescribed medication to treat their depression, try BDSM as a treatment. Obviously, working with a doctor/therapist, getting the medical help that is required is the proper way to do things. Depression is a medical condition that can have serious affects not only on the sufferer but also on their family and loved ones. Don't be like me ~~ if you think you may be suffering with depression, go to your doctor, and if they don't help, go to another doctor, and another until you find one who will truly listen, run tests, do whatever it takes to figure out what is wrong and get you the help you need to heal.
Depression is not your fault.

The drought is over!

The spanking drought, that is.

Got a very lovely, very erotic hand spanking Sunday morning. Completely unasked for, but oh, so welcome. DH started it, I shifted so he could easily access the entire area

Spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;repeat,repeat,repeat.... all at just the most perfect timing and force. I didn't want to get away at all.

Absolutely wonderful *sigh*

And of course, the I showed my appreciation for the wonderful spanking with some oral attention, positioned so that DH could continue to spank and caress me. Eventually, we moved on to our favorite position and continued until we both reached our peak.

A lovely way to start the day.

And to make it even better, the feeling, that special twinge during sitting, going up or down stairs, persisted for a few hours. The next day a quick peak in the mirror showed just the slightest bit of bruising along the curve.

*sigh*

I hope we won't go several months 'til the next good spanking...

Here's the video for the theme song for Saving Grace. I hope you like it.

I checked TNT and it doesn't look like this week's episode is available for online viewing yet. Hopefully within the next few days.

Saving Grace

Anyone else out there watch Saving Grace on TNT? Did you see this week's episode "Take me somewhere, Earl"? If not, go, find it online, and watch it.

Why, you ask.

Because it's got a spanking scene!!!!

She spanks him (his nickname is Spanky), and he's pants down OTK. It's great. OMG. I was laughing, especially when she got the info she wanted and rolled him off her lap to the floor. Holly Hunter plays Grace, and she is so itty-bitty, it was so incongruous to see this big guy streched across her lap.

Please, find it, watch it, enjoy.

If you don't know the series at all, it's excellent, and I highly recommend watching it from the beginning. Love the theme song, as well.

And there's a message board with a thread started already to discuss the spanking scene. I saw at least one acknowledged spanko commenting.

In a Funk?

Yes, yes, I am. Ya know, in case you were wondering...

Such a funk that not only am I not writing, anything anywhere, I'm also not out there reading anything I enjoy reading.

Don't want to write up my vacation log, or review the pics; don't want to write down the stories swirling in my brain; don't want to write down what's been going on (but I will, a little bit, here).

Last post I mentioned the drastic pay cut I came home to... Well, that pay cut has led to an adjustment in my work schedule in an effort to cut expenses (I work from home a couple of days a week, then the rest of the week I go in after I drop YC off at school ~~ cuts out childcare cost and reduces commuting expenses), which I am still adjusting to.

Last week DH was off to a business conference and my insomnia was back big time. Been a while since I had to sleep without him next to me. Just another adjustment. He's off again this week, and I'm trying to do better.

MC brought home some sort of stomach bug last week. He even missed a day of school. Well, this weekend, OC and I ended up with it, which wouldn't have been too bad except we discovered that during the recent rains our sump pump failed and our basement flooded. So, we ended up spending the majority of the weekend trying to remove as much water as possible from the carpet and then setting up multiple fans hoping to dry it out the rest of the way. The insurance adjuster is supposed to be out this morning. Our basement is fully finished including carpet. Such a hassle if we have to pull out all the carpet and baseboards.

And then YC caught the bug and stayed home sick yesterday. Thankfully, she's up and feeling fine today. She turned 8 this past weekend and it's her special week in class, so she's eager to get to school. We worked hard Sunday night to get her poster made ~~ covered with special pictures, that she captioned. We all had fun looking through all the family photos.

As far as spankings go, um, yeah, nope. No 'real' spankings since our birthdays back in December. Just a tiny little bit of play on vacation. I think we've both been so stressed and worn out that we just can't muster the energy for anything beyond the basics. And even the basics has been much less lately. *le sigh*

Well, that's it for now, time to get YC to school.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!