Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Things are...

... better. Stabilized. Improving? I'm still just taking it one day at a time, but the days have been pretty good lately.

DH has decided, after talking to a marriage counsellor, that marriage counselling is not what we need as all the nasty hurtful things he said to me were said precisely because he knew they would be hurtful, not because he really feels that way. And that compared to others he knows, we really do have a good marriage. His problems are stress and anger and how he deals with them. I still think he needs to talk to someone about ways to deal with the stress and anger, but I can't force him, and I think it scared him that I was ready to let him go without begging him to stay. He's been trying really hard not to let the stressful things build up to the point where he rages. I did see "Anger Management for Dummies." Thought about buying it, for about 2 seconds -- DH is not a reader.

So after multiple apologies, both verbal and written, we've started to reconnect.

And, yes, I do mean sex and spankings.

It's taken me a while to get to where I felt I could be physically intimate with him again. Of course, my resistance to his advances was not appreciated, and temporarily increased the friction. But we talked it out. At times like this, instead of being a hindrance, his travelling has helped as it has given us physical distance while still allowing us to talk (phone and email) and say what needs to be said.

I did tell him clearly that there had better never be a repeat of that day -- he's out of "second chances."

And I also told him, only partly joking, that he ever pulls that crap again, he will be the one bent over with a bare backside getting the spanking. He laughed -- I was only partly kidding. Could I really do it? Not without his consent as there is no way I could hold him down if he didn't want to be held done and spanked -- but I think it's a good indication of how serious I am about no longer tolerating his angry outbursts.

So, keep wishing us well. It seems like we're on the right track back to normality, but it still takes time to regain all the ground that was lost.


john said...

Of course he wanted to hurt but therefore he needs some counceling.
But you can't force him to go. In your entries you told DH was from Pakistan. Therefore I don't think, he will accept a spanking from a woman. Would do him a lot of good though and it's certainly good in stress situations(My own experience as a spankee) Wish you wisdom in this difficult situation.

Anonymous said...

Oh, honey, be kind to yourself, and be careful...
You didn't deserve what he did to you, and you should make sure you keep yourself safe inside. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. That way, if it ever happens again, you'll be strong and you'll be ready. If it doesn't, you'll be happier just knowing you're ready for anything like brings the two of you.

Robin said...

Hi john,
Since I've never been able to get him to give me a stress spanking, I don't think he'll take one from me. :P
He prides himself on being a dominant, manly-man, and being the spankee certainly doesn't fit in with that image.
But he's been very considerate and under control since the 'incident' which gives me hope that he is staying aware of his issues and working internally to resolve them before he might get out of control.
Time will tell.

Well said.
Even though I'm doing my part to bring us back together, I know that there is a part of me I'm holding back, that may always be held back now. Depends on him and how he treats me and the kids.
Right now, he's doing well, even with the stresses of taxes, work and planning for our vacation.
I'm fairly certain that another blow up like that one and I will be the one going to an attorney...