Sunday, March 16, 2008

Limbo

Webfetti.com



Hi all.
Hasn't been anything of note to blog about. Relationship, spanking, or otherwise.
Counselling has been postponed (waiting for the insurance deductible to be met so sessions are more affordable).
We have hired a cleaning company to help with the house, and it seems to be helping with my husband's mood.
So... we're still together but somewhat in limbo. There's definitely no going back, and there's no going forward till we can go to counselling and see if things can get better. So it's just day by day, trying to get along and keeping the peace.
Of course, I've come to discover that since I been trying to 'go along to get along', he's of the opinion that everything is OK now. Didn't like it last night when I told him things aren't right yet. Did his usual curse and leave. Which is why we need counselling -- if he's not even going to listen to me and talk to me about the issues, there really is no hope.

Work is increasingly stressful. There are 3 projects happening pretty much concurrently, all major, and I am at least nominally involved with all. And the scope of one project is constantly changing and bringing up issues that directly affect my job, and no one seems to really know what to do. And the 'go live' date for the major, company-wide, change is May 1st -- the day my 2-week vacation starts. That's only 6 weeks away. And can I say, we are no where near ready. The training that corporate is providing is severely inadequate. Fortunately, there are a few of us in my facility that already know the software, but of the 4 of us, 2 of us will be gone for go live. I'm going to try to meet with the facility manager tomorrow and see if we can start some sort of on site training so that we won't be completely blind sided at go live. Of course, it'd be much better if the higher ups would just decide to postpone till June or so.

On the good side -- it's starting to feel more springlike. Actually had 50's and sun this past week. Was so wonderful to go outside.

And my baby turned 7 yesterday. Can't believe she's 7 now. Hard to believe that 7 years ago yesterday I was in pain in the hospital, struggling to bring her into the world. She was my hardest delivery, and the only one in the middle of the night. If she had been the first, she might have ended up an only :) We're having her party next month -- due to certain issues (husband) we just didn't get anything set up in time, and with Easter and Spring Break coming up, it's had to be pushed back. We did have a special meal and cake and presents for her yesterday. She was happy.

And while spanking is never far from my thoughts, there are no personal experiences to share -- and won't be for a while. Just not in a place where that is right for us now. Should I find the energy and desire, I'll try to get some past experiences written up, review stats, find general references and discussions to mention, etc. Just finding it hard to get in the right frame of mind....

Webfetti.com

4 comments:

Daisy said...

aww, honey, ive been there, done it....my ex left suddenly , we made love the night before, in the morning out of the blue he said he couldnt stand being here any more...we had been together since i was 16 (first and only bf) married when i was 20....we were married 24years,6months...had 5 kids together, they were aged 23, 21, 16, 14, 12 when he left....in the clothes he stood up in...24hours later, when i took him his case of clothes I had packed for him, he was hand in hand with his 18yr old gf....had been seeing her for a month, i discovered....i gave him 3 years to come to his senses, but he had gf after gf....eventually I gave up, and gave him the divorce he kept asking for.
Honey, no matter how much you love him, (i truly loved my ex) it will not always feel as bad as it does now. The feelings of love gradually change from the passionate love to the brotherly caring sort....and therefore hurt less and less. God bless you. You will come out of this feeling stronger....you will cope. you will be happy again. Trust me.

Will said...

Take care of yourself & your kids.
You'll get through this...

...You're not alone, hun.

x,Will

john said...

How are things going Robin ? Were you two already in therapy? Hope it will work.

Robin said...

Daisy --
How awful for you and your kids. I just don't get how some men can be that way. I don't think I'd give DH any time at all, certainly not 3 years, if he pulled anything like that.
Fortunately, there has been no infidelity by either of us. Just his verbal rages...
He's made it clear that he doesn't want our marriage to be over, so we're trying to work things out.

Will,
Thanks for the support :)

John,
We're still together, still trying to work things out. He's decided that marriage counselling isn't really what we need -- he did speak with a counsellor, explaining the situation, and admitted that the problem is really him, his [unrealistic] expectations, and his stress/anger issues. Since we're still struggling to communicate, I'm still thinking counselling might be a good idea, but if he's not willing, it's hard to justify the time, energy and expense.
I know I keep saying this, but it truly is just day by day, with some being better than others.
Robin