Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My Son

To start off, let me just clearly state that I love my son dearly. We can talk about anything under the sun, we have similar senses of humor, enjoy the same sorts of movies, TV shows, books, games, etc.


At 14 years of age, he is proving to be more and more aggravating and worrisome. He hasn't done any BIG bad things, just a little thing here, a small thing there... Not coming home when he's supposed to, not being where he said he was going to be (with friend B, not friend A, etc.), doesn't answer his phone when we call. Little things.

Then this weekend, there was a festival in town, the last big 'party' of the summer. We let him go with some friends, he came home when he was supposed to, everything seemed fine.

Until he breathed on his dad and there was the unmistakable stench of cigarette on his breath. And he lied about it, to his dad and to me. Until we clearly explained that just being near people who are smoking would not concentrate the smell on his breath but not his clothing. So he 'fessed up that he took a couple of puffs from a stranger's cigarette.

He's on restriction now (can't go to friends homes or out with friends, but they can come here, staying in our house and yard or out in the court), after being talked to by DH and I together and separately. No yelling or screaming, not even by DH, just calm talking about how dangerous such activities are, how trying one thing just to try it or attempt to fit in could lead to more and more dangerous choices, how much heartache there would be if he got involved in said activities. He was tearing up as I talked to him about how much we loved him and how hurt we would be if he tried drugs or alcohol or any other illegal and dangerous activities. That we were only doing these things because we love him.

He's not happy with the restriction. We're all prepared for the whining and complaining he's going to be putting out there until we lift it. I have told him that if his attitude gets too bad, the restriction will become a complete grounding and he will lose his phone and Internet privileges and won't be allowed to have friends over. We'll have to see how he does.

And, this brings us to today. YC was complaining about not feeling well this morning, so I wanted to take her temperature. A couple of weeks ago, I asked MC to put a thermometer in the kids bathroom ~~ guess what? Not there.

So I looked in OC's room ~~ found papers she was supposed to turn into school, but no thermometer and nothing else that shouldn't be there. And I wasn't really digging, just looked on her desk, on her bedside table, in a desk drawer.

Next stop, MC's room. And there I found MY calligraphy set with all the ink cartridges empty; MY scissors; MY desk organizing box; a bottle of dried oregano (?); knife/scissor sharpener; and the real concern ~~ MY book Breaking the Girl (which I found in the bookcase at the head of his bed).

And so you know, I do not just leave my 'special' books lying around for anyone to see, find, take. They are tucked into cases, onto shelves, behind other vanilla books. Places where they won't be easily seen or found, all in my room. And yet, he had this book in his room....

So, now all those things are sitting on the end of my bed, waiting for him to come home so I can discuss with him how inappropriate it is for a 14 year old to take things from his parents room. I know it's one of those subjects that is unequal ~~ I can search through his room, he can't search through mine ~~ but he's got to understand how wrong it is to take anything from my room, but especially to take a book like that. Aaaggghhh.

Now I can't help but wondering what else he might have stashed away in there that I didn't see. Yeah, it's going to be a wonderful afternoon.