Wednesday, March 24, 2010

e[lust] #10

HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln
Welcome to e[lust] - The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation - Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in Public - All the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire...

Dollar Store Domme - He definitely can't elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I'm already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo? - Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in Suburbia - But pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing Abuse - I needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

15 minute phone sex
...And Orgasms On Demand
A Neighbor In Need #7
Afternoon Delight!
Desperation & Dominance
Evening Home, Part 3
First Asleep Loses
Happy ending
I Got....
I am a keeper of secrets
I Got Fucked
I am Coming for You: A Letter to Scin
Late Night Satisfaction
Lolita's Mother
Making M Squirt
Sir ~ intro
The Hatter
The Flash Fiction Friday FAQ!
We fucked, they applauded
Where there is a libido, there is a way
Wicked Wednesday: Idyll

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

20 Reasons Why Sex Is Good
Defining Sex
Hurt me, Pet
I Was Raped
Playing Dumb
Red Flags of an Abusive Partner, Part 2
Restrictions and Satisfaction
Someone Else's Shoes
Sex Isn't Everything
The Art of Sensual Touching-Caressing for You and Your Partner
The STI You Haven't Heard of: Molluscum contagiosum
The Suit
Vibrant Woman or Live Masturbation Sleeve
What I Don't Need

Kink & Fetish

A Little Girl's Need for Submission
Are You Done Yet?
A Reformatory Punishment
BDSM Advice Series: Floggers
Determined to bind
His Slut
I Really Wasn't In The Mood
Pain and Healing
Questions From DH About These Things We Do
Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction?
Tiiu Ashcraft - Fetish Artist and Beauty
The Eroticism of Tattoos
The Competition
Wanting to want

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A History of Violence
Asshat of the Day Award
Awesome Mentoring Work and Upcoming Apprenticeship

Monday, March 15, 2010

Questions From DH About These Things We Do

A couple of weeks ago, while out on our date night, my DH asked me a couple of questions:

  • Do I really get aroused from "these things we do" ~~ spanking, flogging, bondage, etc.?


  • Why do I get aroused from them?

Now, that first one is quick and easy to answer ~~ Absolutely, yes, I get aroused from all of the above. There is ample physical evidence to support this ~~ we both have felt how swollen and wet I get from our activities. We can easily go straight from spanking to fucking without there having been any direct stimulation of my clit or pussy, and I will quickly have multiple orgasms. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it.

The second question is much more difficult to answer. Not because I have no idea, but because finding the words that might adequately express my thoughts and feelings is not always an easy task. But I tried. Now in the spirit of full disclosure, let me just add here that I had already been flogged, spanked, cropped and caressed for about half an hour earlier that evening, and had just had a mint chocolate martini. So I was feeling warm and fuzzy, inside and out.

I started by explaining that I felt there were three components to it ~~ physical, mental, and emotional ~~ and that they were all interconnected. I tend to picture it as a type of triskele or triskelion:

Three points all joined at their bases, but also connected by the neverending circle that flows from one to the other then the next, continuously.


Emotionally ~~
  • Trust. I am trusting him to do what he will without causing irreparable damage. I am also trusting that he is truthful when he tells me that he is enjoying all this, too, and not just because I want it or because it's what he thinks I want to hear.
  • Love. Through this give-and-take, our love for each other has strengthened and deepened. I may not feel gushy feelings of love as he's actively beating my ass, but afterwords, as we're basking in the glow, yes, I feel great love for him.
  • Passion. Sharing this with him, my submission to his dominance, has increased the passion we feel for one another, in the moment, and outside of it. We have come to know and understand each other better, and that has allowed us to share even more of ourselves with each other ~~ our hopes, dreams, fantasies ~~ without repurcussion.
  • Surprise
  • Wonder
  • Amusement
  • Happiness
  • Completion
  • Caring
  • Affection
Well, I think you get the idea ~~ there are so many emotions tied into it that there's no way I could adequately list and explain each one. Just know that because of these things we do, our emotional relationship, in and out of the bedroom, has improved in all these areas.

Mentally ~~

This is a little harder, as the difference between mental and emotional, as I see them, is not always easy to explain. While there can be thoughts tied to emotions and emotions tied to thoughts, their processes aren't the same. One is feeling, the other is thinking. So this piece has to do with the actual thought processes that are involved.

The largest mental aspect for me is the whole submission thing. I'm actively choosing to give up control to my husband, at least in certain circumstances. We have taken the time to discuss our wants and needs, to express our thoughts on what we want our relationship to be, what works for us. Yes, emotions underlie all this, but we are using logic and reason to work out the details.

Physically ~~

This is perhaps the easiest part for me to explain.  There is the pain, of course. I'm being hit with all sorts of implements in all sorts of ways ~~ hard, soft, stingy, thuddy, fast, slow, rhythmic, chaotic, here, then there... And I am finding that in certain situations, pain is wonderful. But them, it doesn't stay pain. It morphs into a wave of heat, spreading out from the point of impact, and eventually suffusing my entire body. And when that heat reaches my pussy, it increases the arousal that has already been fed by the emotional and mental components.

I think a good comparison would be fireworks. The strike is the equivalent of the mortar exploding in the air. Watching, we don't know where exactly that's going to happen nor what form exactly the fireworks will take ~~ large and rapidly spreading; a dripping cascade of sparkles; red, gold, silver, blue, green, purple; up high or down low; individually or a multitude overlapping without rhythm or pattern... And the submissive or bottom, likewise, doesn't know which implement, where it will strike, nor what force will be behind the strike. But we know it's coming, we expect it. And then the fireworks appear/the pain becomes spreading heat and we are mesmerized by the experience.

And when DH gets a good rhythm going, particularly with the flogger ~~ an even pace, consistency with the force ~~ it's so very, very hypnotic, and I find myself drifting away on the sensations, floating, thoughtless... Subspace? I think so, but it really doesn't matter what I or anyone else might call it. All that matters is how it makes me feel.


Now, I don't know what anyone reading this might think or feel about what I've shared here, whether there is agreement or disagreement. But I do know that DH was moved by what I expressed to him that night. So moved in fact, that he was ready to head home right then to spend some time on these things we do.