Nothing to say

DH is out of town, again, and will be frequently the next few months. No reflection on blogging or spanking, but when he's not here, my inspiration is muted. Makes it difficult for me to focus and come up with something appropriate to write about here.

That said --

We had a mini disagreement over the phone today. And while he had some valid points, I do feel he exaggerated the situation, and I did not respond well to the way he spoke to me. If you've been following my blog, you are probably getting the impression that these situations between us occur on a weekly basis. Truly they don't, just for some reason in the past month we've been more testy with each other (I know some of you are thinking 'he needs to just spank her soundly and get it all out').

I know he's concerned that spanking has 'possessed' me, but I don't feel that way. I see it as something that we both enjoy and that really has helped us become closer. When we have a really good spanking session (he spanks me long and hard, and I'm marked and sore for the next few days -- a constant arousing reminder) followed by incredible multi-orgasmic (for me) sex, it just makes me feel more connected to him. He teases me about how blissed out I am after a session like this, but isn't that how it's supposed to be after we've given and received such intimate intense pleasure with each other?

We don't always include spanking in our intimate encounters, and I don't expect to. And I'm always open to anything DH wants to try, he just hasn't proposed anything lately.

I've told DH, repeatedly, but I'm not sure he really believes me (based on comments he's always making) that I've never cheated on him, have never come close, have never even wanted to. I can't even fantasize about cheating on him (if I fantasize about another man, then I am 'another' me in the fantasy - alternate reality). I don't even put myself in situations where it might even look like something illicit is going on. Yet he seems to have this distrust...

Quite frankly, I'm the one who should have issues trusting him. Not that he's cheated on me (he says he hasn't and I've never seen anything suspicious), but he was sexually wild and a partier before we met, not fully honest with me about himself (unknown to me he was married when we met -- a story for another post), and he's away from home so much. I am always at work, at home, or running errands. You tell me who has the opportunity. Yet he is constantly throwing accusations at me.

I don't know what the solution is. I love him and can't imagine not being with him, but when he gets so distrustful and accusing, or has one of his tantrums, it is so hard for me to trust and respect him. I rely on him to be the strong one that I can turn to when I need support and guidance. And I want to be his soft place when he's overwhelmed with work and other stresses.

And before anyone asks, yes I have told him these things, out loud and in emails. But I recognize I cannot make him truly listen and hear what I am saying, nor can I force him to change. He has to decide for himself how he wants to live his life and make any necessary changes. Just like I've been doing for the past few years.

Well, anyway, thanks for 'listening' to my rant. For someone who started this post thinking she had nothing to say, guess I ended up saying quite a lot.