My Son

To start off, let me just clearly state that I love my son dearly. We can talk about anything under the sun, we have similar senses of humor, enjoy the same sorts of movies, TV shows, books, games, etc.

However.....

At 14 years of age, he is proving to be more and more aggravating and worrisome. He hasn't done any BIG bad things, just a little thing here, a small thing there... Not coming home when he's supposed to, not being where he said he was going to be (with friend B, not friend A, etc.), doesn't answer his phone when we call. Little things.

Then this weekend, there was a festival in town, the last big 'party' of the summer. We let him go with some friends, he came home when he was supposed to, everything seemed fine.

Until he breathed on his dad and there was the unmistakable stench of cigarette on his breath. And he lied about it, to his dad and to me. Until we clearly explained that just being near people who are smoking would not concentrate the smell on his breath but not his clothing. So he 'fessed up that he took a couple of puffs from a stranger's cigarette.

He's on restriction now (can't go to friends homes or out with friends, but they can come here, staying in our house and yard or out in the court), after being talked to by DH and I together and separately. No yelling or screaming, not even by DH, just calm talking about how dangerous such activities are, how trying one thing just to try it or attempt to fit in could lead to more and more dangerous choices, how much heartache there would be if he got involved in said activities. He was tearing up as I talked to him about how much we loved him and how hurt we would be if he tried drugs or alcohol or any other illegal and dangerous activities. That we were only doing these things because we love him.

He's not happy with the restriction. We're all prepared for the whining and complaining he's going to be putting out there until we lift it. I have told him that if his attitude gets too bad, the restriction will become a complete grounding and he will lose his phone and Internet privileges and won't be allowed to have friends over. We'll have to see how he does.

And, this brings us to today. YC was complaining about not feeling well this morning, so I wanted to take her temperature. A couple of weeks ago, I asked MC to put a thermometer in the kids bathroom ~~ guess what? Not there.

So I looked in OC's room ~~ found papers she was supposed to turn into school, but no thermometer and nothing else that shouldn't be there. And I wasn't really digging, just looked on her desk, on her bedside table, in a desk drawer.

Next stop, MC's room. And there I found MY calligraphy set with all the ink cartridges empty; MY scissors; MY desk organizing box; a bottle of dried oregano (?); knife/scissor sharpener; and the real concern ~~ MY book Breaking the Girl (which I found in the bookcase at the head of his bed).

And so you know, I do not just leave my 'special' books lying around for anyone to see, find, take. They are tucked into cases, onto shelves, behind other vanilla books. Places where they won't be easily seen or found, all in my room. And yet, he had this book in his room....

So, now all those things are sitting on the end of my bed, waiting for him to come home so I can discuss with him how inappropriate it is for a 14 year old to take things from his parents room. I know it's one of those subjects that is unequal ~~ I can search through his room, he can't search through mine ~~ but he's got to understand how wrong it is to take anything from my room, but especially to take a book like that. Aaaggghhh.

Now I can't help but wondering what else he might have stashed away in there that I didn't see. Yeah, it's going to be a wonderful afternoon.

A bit of this and that...

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I've been tagged!

My new friend Pink Poppet (http://thepinkpoppet.wordpress.com) tagged me to do a meme.

I am supposed to list ten things about myself that are true and you may not know about. Gah. Trying to come up with ten hopefully interesting things is going to be difficult.

1) I was born in Landstuhl, Germany because my dad was stationed there with the U.S. Army. Landstuhl is where the large military hospital is, you know, the one where all the soldiers injured in Iraq and Afghanistan go. When I was born there, however, it was not a big fancy hospital. Mom tells me it was an old building and she could see areas on the walls where it looked like they had tried to sandblast swastikas off. I have had repeated problems with government people questioning my citizenship because of my place of birth, even after providing them with copies of my "Report of US Citizen Born Abroad", certificate from the State Dept, and my passport. One obnoxious woman even asked me how long I'd been a citizen. With an incredulous look, I answered "since birth."

2) When I was 16 I travelled by myself to Germany and Denmark. I stayed with family friends (and their friends) in Germany, and actual family in Denmark. It was an incredible experience. And no one warned me about the beaches! We went to a small lake and some people were competely nude, and then went to a beach on the North Sea ~~ changing in to swimsuits out in the open, topless bathing... A lot for a girl from a conservative small town to take in. I stayed quite a few places in Germany ~~ Ehlershausen, Bredstedt, Kiel, Hamburg; then took the train to Copenhagen, where I stayed with cousins in a suburb. Did lots of bike riding, walking, topless laying out.... I'd love to go back someday.

3) I am the oldest of four siblings. In many ways, I am your typical oldest child, but I am so not the natural born leader first borns are so often described as. I will if I absolutely have to, but I would much rather not. My siblings are conservative Republicans and religious (Mormons) ~~ I am moderate, non-partisan, and not religious (but very spiritual). Getting together can be uncomfortable to say the least. And that's without any discussions of sex and sensuality. Although that helps explain all the repression in my life.

4) I am not a good liar. I don't even like to lie, but I will do the small white lie to make things easier (yes, I mailed that letter for you; sure I fed the fish; etc.). Therefore, do not ask a question if you do not truly want to know the answer. Especially when it comes to the good stuff ~ sexuality, politics, sports, religion, etc. I will answer politely, but I won't just tell you what you want to hear.

5) I have a Bachelor of Science in Fisheries Biology, and I haven't used it in 15 years (had one related job, shortly after college). Realized early on that any job I got with that degree would probably not be family friendly. Zoos, etc. tend to be open year-round, including holidays and weekends. Other positions can require a lot of time in the field, and possibly very odd hours. However, now that the kids are older, I've been thinking about looking into it again.

6) Although I don't 'believe' in horoscopes, etc., I do believe they can get you thinking about and examining your life. That said, I did once have my horoscope done by an online company, and it was actually a little frightening how true it was. All I gave was my first name, birthdate, birthtime, and where I was born. Haven't ever gone back and reread it ~~ maybe I should.

7) I am somewhat of a packrat and hoarder. Drives my husband nuts, and also me. I just am not good at getting things sorted through with any immediacy. So magazines and such pile up. I am trying to get better ~~ not bringing so much into the house in the first place, and trying to regularly go through what is already here, organizing and throwing away. It's a long and drawn out process.

8) I am a loner. I unfortunately do not do the friend thing very well. It's not that I don't like people, or can't be friendly, or don't want friends, or don't ever think about friends... I just, well, I'm shy so I don't put myself out there, and I get pulled in so many ways that I often just shut down with anything that requires more effort. I'll get emails, etc., and I mean to respond, but before I know it, a month or more has gone by. It's probably why I like Twitter, Facebook and Blogging so much ~~ I can be involved, knowing what's going on and sharing from my life, without the constant back and forth. It's easier to pull back and take a break. And because of the whole shyness thing, I don't do well in public situations ~~ parties and such. I can't just go by myself ~~ I usually end up in the corner by myself. It's another aspect of my life I want to change, but it's difficult (beyond the above stated reasons) ~~ I'm working on it.

9) I must have one of those faces or personalities that make people, sometimes complete strangers, feel it's okay to share private things with me. Not necessarily secret, can't share with anyone, just private and very personal. Drs telling me about patients (no names), co-workers telling me about their sex lives, strangers telling me about their labor and delivery, and so on. I don't mind, it's just ... interesting? amusing? I do feel that I am pretty empathetic/empathic and maybe people pick up on that...

10) I was 21 when I first had sex. Came close in high school, nothing even close during my first 4 years in college. I was more than ready. I knew whoever the next boyfriend was, he would be the one. He was younger, experienced, made it a wonderful experience for me, introduced my to porn (visual and written), a variety of positions, anal sex, vibrators, oral, fun sex, serious sex... Looking back, I can see he was a dominant personality. If only I had been able to figure things out then... In my fantasies, I do it all. I love sex and wish I had it more often (daily, anyone?). I want to be more adventurous, try more things.... I know I love being dominated, in and out of the bedroom. Bind me, spank me, slap me, tell me what to do, when to do it, how to do it... and I'll be one happy, happy girl.

Now, I am not going to tag anyone. Take it upon yourself to do this meme if you want to. And if my ten things created questions in your mind, please feel free to ask me (email, comment, Twitter). It may take me a while, but I will answer.

Thanks, Pink Poppet. I really had to think hard to come up with 10 things. I hope people find them interesting.

A month? A whole freakin' month? What the ___? Seriously. I can't believe it.

Okay, okay, on some level I can as I am just worn out, and after spending all day working on the computer, coming home and doing more computer work doesn't exactly appeal. And the Hub can have issues with me spending any time doing anything that he feels pulls my attention away from him ~~ computer, iPhone, reading, TV (unless he also wants to watch the same thing). Of course, if he wants to do these things and ignore me, then it's ok. Anyway, to keep the peace, I tend to keep away from those activities.

But I didn't mean to do it for a whole month.

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Intimacy around here, of any sort, has been pretty hit-or-miss around here lately, with it mostly being "miss" (I would definitely prefer more "hits", especially of the spanking kind). Between his travel, general stresses and kid issues, just very hard to find the energy, even if there is the desire.

We don't do "sexting" but here's a recent text:

DH: I just landed safely
Me: Ok. Fish are fed, house is locked, everyone's in bed
DH: I know we did not have sex before I left feel free to use your toy or you probably using it right now
Me: Not in the mood

In retrospective, my response should have been a little nicer, maybe including a "thank you for thinking of my needs" sort of thing... But it was late and PMS tends to shut down the niceness center of my brain.

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Our trip out to LA was really good, but definitely deserves a post of it's own. Just need to add that to the list

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Work is work. Still in the old facility. At some point I'm sure they'll ask me to start coming into corp, but not yet. I've been told they've figured out which cubicle will be mine, but it's not ready for me yet. Really not looking forward to the changes.

Kids head back to school in less than a month. Still have to get the registration done for the oldest 2. Yeah, more expenses.

OC gets her braces off next month. MC gets assessed in November, so we'll have at least a few months when we won't have to make the trek to the orthodontist.

YC lost a tooth today.

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The good summer TV shows have started (or are about to):

• Eureka
• Torchwood
• Dr. Who
• Monk
• Psych

Primeval is about to end, darn. But Syfy has added a new show, Warehouse 13, that's looking pretty good. And Being Human, a new show, is about to start on BBC America.

MC and I tend to like the same shows, so we watch and then discuss.

Better Off Ted is a funny show on the regular networks. Even got DH to watch it. Well written, witty. I much prefer witty to slapstick and toilet humor.

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Just finished reading "Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince." I was only halfway through when we went to see the movie. Can I just state that I was very disappointed in the movie. I understand having to leave bits out when you're translating a 600 page book for the screen, but to completely create, out of the blue, entire scenes? Really? This was necessary? I think not. Made it very difficult to watch the movie; not able to suspend disbelief until I got past the point I'd read. It was an okay movie, but so different from the book. I hope they do better with Deathly Hallows (which I am reading now).

Going to read "The Time Traveler's Wife" next, then decide if I want to see the movie. The trailers look good, but you never know.

Really want to see "The Ugly Truth". Was planning to go, by myself, this weekend. DH was supposed to still be traveling, so I could get away with it, but now he's coming home on Friday. And I honestly can't see him being willing to go see this with me. A) Not generally his type of movie; B) Gerard Butler is in it. DH has issues with me thinking Gerard Butler is attractive. He is, and I'm not the only person in the world who thinks so. And why it bothers DH so much, I don't know. It doesn't seem to bother him if I comment that I think someone else is attractive, just Gerard Butler. *sigh* And they say women are complex. So don't know when, or even if, I'll get out to see it.

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So there's a wee bit of an update. Nothing exciting, but that's just the way it is right now.

Orgasm meme from vanimp

From vanimps blog http://vanillaimpaired.com/

1. What’s your favourite way to have an orgasm?
Any way I can. Seriously, it really does depend on mood and circumstances. Sometimes I want to be by myself, sometimes I want someone else involved.
2. Do you use a sex toy? Hands? or both?
Both, though not usually at the same time. At work, in the car, it's my hand. At home if I want to make it quick, again it's my hand, but if I'm looking for intense and drawn out, I'll bring out the toys. Especially the Hitachi.
3. Do you have a favourite time of day or night that you like to pleasure yourself or have sex?
My horniness has no time restraints. Sometimes it's morning, somtimes afternoon, sometimes in the middle of the night.

4. Do you feel you have different types of orgasms?
Definitely. DH usually starts things out by making sure I have a clitoral orgasm. When he goes down on me, I get internal and external attention, usually leading to at least a g-spot orgasm. And usually if we go straight to intercourse, even if I orgasm multiple times, I have to finish up with a clitoral or I don't feel completely done. Sometimes I take care of this myself, sometimes DH will.

5. Do you have a position or a technique that always guarantees an orgasm?
Nope. I can achieve it standing, sitting, on my back, on my side, on my stomach, up on all fours. Haven't tried upside, but that would probably work too.
6. Is having your clit directly stimulated pleasurable for you? What about after an orgasm?
Um, around it, Oh yes. Right on the tip, generally too intense.
My entire body is a wee bit too sensitive for me right after orgasm for me to be touched anywhere, let alone there. Give me a minute or so...
7. Do you masturbate/pleasure yourself?
Yep, frequently.

8. Has your self pleasuring repertoire/routine/technique changed or evolved over time?
Basics stay the same, but different toys, locations, desires for the session lead to different techniques.

9. Are sex toys part of your self pleasuring or with a partner? Or both?
I use toys on myself, and DH uses toys on me, and DH sometimes watches me using my toys.
10. If you enjoy using sex toys how often do you upgrade your equipment?
Infrequently, mainly due to cost. The good ones tend to be things I need to plan ahead a save for. Right now I'm pretty much on a replacement only program.
11. Whats the most intense orgasm you have ever had?
It was during anal, after I'd already come once through DH's manual manipulations, then multiple times during intercourse.
12. How often do you orgasm? Daily, more than once a day, weekly, monthly….???
Average 6-8 times a week, through masturbation and intercourse. Sometimes multiple times a day.
13. Do you regard orgasm to be a stress reliever?
Can be. Especially when it's the middle if the night and I can't sleep.
14. What happens to you after orgasm? Full of energy, a bit lala or ready to go to sleep?
Depends on how I was before the orgasm.
15. Have you ever squirted?
Yep.
16. Do you fantasize when you masturbate? Or do you just get right down to it?
Oh, yes. Although, sometimes, just reaching down and starting the touching will get things started, and then I'll start fantasizing.

17. What do you like about having an orgasm? Is it important you have an orgasm every time?
Um, what's not to like? It feels sooooooo darn good, inside and out.
If I'm masturbating, or DH is masturbating me, then yes it's important that I orgasm. During intercourse, it's fabulous if it happens, but if everything else about the sex is great, it's just the icing on the cake -- good but not necessary.


*hugs*
Robin

Getting to Know You

Getting to know you (found over on Subhearts blog)

Here’s what you’re supposed to do and try not to spoil the fun. Copy this entire post and paste into a new one that you can post. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then tag anyone you want.

Be sure to link back to me too! I want to see your answers!

1. What is your occupation?
Technically, analyst, but seems more like jill-of-all-trades
2. What color are your socks right now?
Not wearing any at the moment
3. What are you listening to right now?
The Mentalist (tivo'd)
4. Can you drive a stick shift?
I think I remember how ~~ it is how I learned to drive
5. What was the last thing you ate?
pizza

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Emerald green
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My hubby (he's travelling for work, again)
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well, I don't know her personally, but I do enjoy her blog and tweets :)
9. How old are you today?
Just turned 42 and a half this month
10. Favorite drink?
Other than water? Dr. Pepper ~ regular, diet, cherry, cherry vanilla, etc.
11. What is your favorite sport to watch?
If I'm watching sports, it's not by my choice
12. Have you ever colored your hair?
Yes, frequently since college
13 What is your full name?
Now, come on, you don't really expect me to tell you that
14. Favorite food?
Hmmm, I think Mexican would have to top the list
15. Last movie you watched?
Up
16. Favorite Day of the year?
Any day I get to spend on my own, no work, no kids, no hubby, etc.
17. What do you do to vent anger?
Stew/sulk and clean house.
18. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I don't really remember a lot of toys ~~ I do remember doing a lot of building with Lincoln Logs, blocks, LEGOS...
19. What is your favorite season?

Spring and fall (I can't pick just one)
20. Hugs or kisses?
Both, both, both
21. Cherry or Blueberry?
Cherry all the way ~~ this was the one thing I craved during all 3 pregnancies
22. Do you want your friends to post back?
Only if they want to ~~ absolutely no pressure
23. Who is most likely to respond?
?
24. Who is least likely to respond?
?
26. When was the last time you cried?
Really wept ~ a while ago; got teary ~~ last week
27. What is on the floor of your closet?
OMG. Trust me, you don't really want to know (hell, I don't really want to know)
28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
Really doesn't apply as I'm not really sending this to anyone
29. Favorite smells?
Vanilla, various florals (carnation, rose, honeysuckle, frangipani, etc.), new rain, fresh mown grass, the seashore
31. Inspires You?

Anything/everything ~~ nature, people, music, the written word, art, etc.
32. What are you afraid of?
Ending up alone and destitute
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
Fully loaded (like I can get from 5 Guys)
34. Favorite car?
Whatever works, although I'm partial to SUVS and trucks as I can see farther
35. Favorite cat breed?
Any (except for maybe the hairless ones, they look so alien)
36. Number of keys on your key ring?
3
37. How many years at your current job?
5 and a half with the company, 4 in my current position
38. Favorite day of the week?
Probably Sunday, as it tends to be the most relaxed
39. How many states have you lived in?
6
40. How many countries have you lived in?
2 (but I've visited 13)

I'm not going to tag anyone ~~ just do it if you want to.

And feel free to comment or question my responses.

Just catching up...

Been a lot going on lately, in my mind anyway :)

Kids are out of school, so driving me a little crazy on the days I work from home.

New kitten also drives me crazy, walking all over my computer(s) and papers, chewing on and ripping papers and cords. But he's so cute.... [Please stand by while I upload some pics from my camera and iPhone... *Jeopardy music plays*]





















Adorable, isn't he? DH has named him Caesar (although sometimes it sounds like he's calling him Scissor *laugh*). And yes, that is my bare shoulder in that one shot.

**Work ~~ well, as I mentioned in my last post, is difficult. My boss was out on Tuesday, teaching me some new responsibilities, going over the past year performance (hard to do since he's only been my boss a few months, and last year's boss is gone), and coming up with goals for the rest of this year into next. It's difficult to explain all this without giving too much information... In short, the system change last year was not well implemented, particularly for my department. People apparently did not think it was too important to make sure everything was set up on time and properly. Consequently, here we are almost a year later, still struggling and so far behind that it's hard to imagine ever being caught up. But now that I know how to do a few more things, maybe, just maybe, things will get better. Also, we discussed my work schedule once I am moved to HQ ~~ I will continue with at least 2 days per week working from home, and my hours will in office will be flexible. I'm hoping it works out ~~ seems pretty apparent that they really, really don't want me to leave. DH is really pushing me to try and find something closer to home, but I do want to see how this works out. I just dread the process of finding, getting and starting a new job.

**Our anniversary ~~ We went out for a late dinner Saturday night. I semi dressed up ~~ corset with garters and stockings under a cardigan and jeans (kitty tried to help, attacking corset ties and garters). For fun, I applied edible body glitter: chest, back, backside, frontside :D (you get the idea). DH noticed while at dinner, wanting to know if I was trying to get everyone to look at my "boobs". "Only you," I replied. To which he replied that he didn't need any help noticing my boobs, or any other part of my body. Got home, snuggled and touched while waiting for the kids to head to bed. Then had all sorts of good fun. I won't bore you with the details :P

Then Monday, the actual date of our anniversary, DH called to wish me a happy anniversary after he got to work. He complained that I didn't say it to him when he left, but I was mostly asleep then. Woke up just enough to lean across the bed for our standard good-bye kiss. He brought me a card when he came home ~~ full of nice sentiment about how even when things get hard we stick together:

A happy marriage
is what happens
while two good people
are busy
trying to make it through
another year of
paying their bills,
running their errands,
doing their chores,
keeping sight of their dreams
and, somehow,
always finding the time
to show how much they care.

Our life is pretty busy,
and I may not always say
everything that comes
into my mind and heart each day,
but what really matters in my world
is that we are together,
and h0wever busy life may get,
I don't forget that... ever.

Monday was very busy and I didn't get a chance to get anything for him, so I dressed up special for him that night. Unfortunately, an issue arose with our son and all my plans were thrown straight out the window.

So, all in all, it wasn't a bad anniversary :/

**The DUI ~~ DH's license will be suspended for a month starting the 24th. Fortunately, he's been able to arrange his work travel so he will be out of town for most of that period. When he's here, he's got to make other arrangements to get around. Once the suspension is over, he'll have a machine installed in his car that will test his blood alcohol level before it will allow the car to start. I will need to do the driving when we go out as a family, but he'll be able to drive himself around in his own car. Of course, all this means I will be the one doing all the driving when we head out to Los Angeles for the 4th of July. I won't like it, but I'll be fine. It was cute, however, when on Thursday DH called to apologize for all the trouble his DUI is causing me.

** DH has ordered himself a new laptop and bought a new color printer with it. Yeah! Been wanting to get one for a long while, but just hadn't gotten around to it. And, surprise, surprise, he seems to have actually picked out a good one: scanner, printer, copier, fax; photos in multiple sizes; wireless. Did a test print of a photo on regular paper and it came out really good. I have high hopes. (Last time he was all excited about the printer he got, it was not color, toner could only be purchased from the manufacturer, and cost an arm and a leg).

Can't believe June is half over. Looking forward to the long weekend around the 4th ~~ my sister and her family are supposed to meet us for a day in Disneyland. Can't wait. No, seriously. I love Disneyland. We used to go quite often when we lived in SoCal. YC has no memories of it; she was 1 when we moved away, and only 3 or 4 when we last visited. And at 8, she is tall enough for all the rides. I do realize it will be hot and busy, but we'll survive ~~ I'll coat myself in SPF 100+, wear a hat, drink lots of water.... Someday, maybe we'll make it to DisneyWorld...

Hope everyone out there is enjoying June ~~ whether it's your spring or your fall :)

So, How Ya Doin'?

Please don't ask unless you really want to know...

Ok, you've been warned.

I am...
Bleh.

Yep, bleh. I am tired, physically, mentally & emotionally. I am achy all over (5th headachy day in a row). Tired of being congested. Tired of having to watch every penny. Tired of having to deal with the same crap day after day. Tired of my sucky life... Basically pretty darn miserable all 'round.

Tired of being the person 'they' all run to when they need something (done, fixed, bought, etc.). Yes, it's nice to know you're needed, but really, I'm to believe there is no one else, anywhere, who could also take of whatever? Right.

Work stresses -- still understaffed, underpaid, and overburdened. My piles never get any smaller, no matter how much I do. Oh, and they're closing the facility where I work, and transitioning my position to HQ, more than doubling my commute. But because the two places are less than 50 miles apart, I'm not eligible for severance. So it's either move to HQ or quit. My boss did emphasize that they don't want to lose me and will be flexible with my schedule so I won't need to be there everyday... But still, it's easily a 2hr drive one way. We'll just have to see. If I stay through the end of the year I will get a special bonus.

And DH-- where to start, what to say. Can't help but think that everyone must be tired of hearing about our ups and downs. I know I'm tired of living through/with them. Long story short, May 24 he pulled a "Mr. Hyde" again, left and didn't come home until mid-afternoon Monday. And continued to behave poorly and blame everything on everyone else (mainly me). He has continued to be pissy with everyone, but especially our son. He's only making nice with me, so it seems, because he's been horny and wanting some action. I let him have his way last night, but I was so not into it, emotionally especially.

And you know what's on Monday? Our 16th wedding anniversary. I saw the reminder pop up and was not thrilled. In your mind, try to hear me so "oh god" in a "I am not happy about this at all" tone of voice. Seriously, I went over his schedule in my mind, hoping he'd be out of town (no luck as he still has DUI stuff he's dealing with), then hoped that if I said nothing, he'd forget and I wouldn't have to deal with it or face it. No such luck. He has remembered and is now planning our night out.

I want to cry every time I hear "Her Diamonds" by Rob Thomas. Go look up the lyrics - I think you'll understand why. (I can't copy and paste on this).

I don't know what the answer is, although a week or so of solitude sounds very appealing. Unfortunately, that's unaffordable, on so many levels. So, I'll just continue as I am, slogging through everyday, hoping things/I get better.

Although, you know, just getting all this out, I feel a little less burdened.



-- From My iPhone

DH in trouble cont.

So it's now Saturday night, and I'm just exhausted. Along with the early morning activity, I'd also had insomnia the night before, and been battling a cold/sinus problem for the previous week -- all leaving me just wiped. DH had napped during the afternoon/early evening, so he was refreshed and watching sports.

I thought the perfect thing before bed would be a relaxing bath. And since we'd just gotten the second water heater fixed, I could be fairly certain it would be a nice hot one. So about 11pm I climbed into my nice hot tub, dropped in a Lush Tisty Tosty and a bit of French Kiss bubble bar, put in my earphones, opened my book and relaxed. The rose, lavender and vanilla from the Lush bath goodies were perfect for relaxing. I also kept the iPod on a milder playlist ~~ I so desperately needed relaxation.

I will say I was surprised that DH didn't come in and join me, as he usually does, but it was okay that he didn't.

I stayed in for the better part of an hour, then clambered out, dried off, slipped into my robe and headed into the bedroom. I was so tired, I really didn't even completely dry myself off, nor apply any lotion, or even put any clothing on. When DH commented on my lack of apparel, my honest answer was it was just too much work to put anything on.

Even though DH was involved with watching the game, it didn't take him long to let me know he had other things on his mind. We watched the end of the game (yeah our team!) then switched to SNL (recorded) while snuggling. DH threw the covers off me and announced that he thought he'd like to go down on me. Like I was going to object to that :P. And down he went. Can I just say that DH has gotten much better at this over the years. I don't easy orgasm from oral, but with the right combination of lips, tongue and movement of inserted fingers, oh yeah.

Then it was my turn to reciprocate, lavishing oral attention on him. Until he can't take it anymore and orders me up on the bed. And you all know what happens then ~~ S-E-X. Sweaty, pounding, multi-orgasmic (for me, anyway) sex.

And as I lay there in the afterglow, sometime after 1am, DH turned to me and said, "Happy Mother's Day". With a big grin on his face.

*******************************************

Sunday dawned and while DH himself couldn't sleep and was up at 6am, he let me sleep in. Which I did, 'til about 9am, watched TV for awhile, then couldn't take it anymore, got up and got dressed. Even with it being Mother's Day, I still had laundry to do, and I wanted to get it done and over with.

As I was working on things, the kids came filing in with a card. I hugged them all, even MC who attempted to avoid me.

DH came up soon after, looking for some more "action". No way I could turn him down. (Let's see, Friday morning, Sat. night/Sun. morning, and Sun. afternoon ~~ goodness.)

YC made the cutest gift for me. It was made to look like a Time magazine, with Mother of the Year on the front (she even drew me with my blue FitFlops on). Inside, the kids were given prompts and then they filled in the rest. I just have to share. Her comments are in italics.

• My favorite thing to do with Mom is... snuggle with her at night [this is a must every night before bed] ~~ decorated with a hand held bouquet and the caption "I picked flowers for you"
• My mom doesn't even get mad when I... don't clean my room. [only because I get too tired just looking it at]
• I like it when Mom... hugs me. Decorated with a wrapped packaged tagged To Mom, From YC
• Ihave the most fun with Mom when... we play a game on the computer [we like picture searches and puzzles]
• My favorite food that Mom cooks is... cashew chicken because she puts in extra veggies [I'm just trying to stretch it and make it a bit healthier, but if she really likes that...] Decorated with a heart with "I love you Mom" written on it.
• My mom makes me laugh when... tickles me when I have the hicups and she tries to get them to go away. [And even though she begs me to stop, as soon as I do, she wants me to tickle her some more]
• I love my mom because... she cooks for me. [Um, yeah, really not that often or that well, but I will do her favorites]
• My mom makes me feel special when... she does something just for me. [She's my baby, of course I love doing things just for her] Decorated by a "Mom on board" sign
• My mom took good care of me when... I was sick last November. [It was election week and she missed 3 out of 4 school days, and I took her to the dr. and helped her take her meds and use the inhaler, and let her snuggle and sleep with me.]
• My favorite book that Mom reads is... There's a Monster at the End of this Book [used to read this too her all the time, funny Grover voice and all] Decorated with a drawing of the cover of the book.
• My mom is special because... she loves every single person in my family even my anoying brother [aahhh, that's my sweet baby]

So it was a relaxing afternoon, and then the kids and I decided to go out. DH was tired and stressed, so he stayed home while I took the kids out to grab a quick bite and then do a little shopping so DH could cook dinner. Yummy keema with potatoes, lentils and kebabs. And then the kids had to clean up.

All in all, a very nice Mother's Day.

DH in trouble

I hope everyone had a great weekend, especially all the mothers.

I actually had a very nice weekend and Mother's Day (and, yes, you do detect a note of surprise there). My family (my husband) is not very good with celebrations, unless I do all the planning and work, so I wasn't expecting much. Especially since DH just got me the iPhone a couple of weeks ago and said it was my Mother's Day gift. I knew I'd get something from YC as she is still in elementary school and gift making is part of the curriculum.

But.... DH owed me....

Let's start back on Friday.

I was working from home and the kids had no school, so it was a bit of a relaxed morning; relaxed enough that DH and I had time for a little fun before he needed to head out the door. Nothing like starting the day with a little erotic spanking, foreplay and multi-orgasmic sex (discovered later that DH left some love bites on my shoulder and the back of my neck). That evening, DH decided to go out ~~ normal for a Friday ~~ while I stayed home, watching TV, snuggling with YC. Sometime after midnight, I turned everything off and drifted off to sleep.

Only to be awakened at 1:30 a.m. by the ringing phone. We have caller ID, but I didn't know the caller ~~ the name looked like some sort of code. But it included our state... and in that moment I knew, just knew, that it was DH and he was in trouble. Arrested. DUI.

(I want you to know DH is not an alcoholic and does not have a drinking problem ~~ he only goes out a few times a month. Also, he said it was okay to blog about this ~~ maybe someone out there has had a similar experience and can offer advice.)

I got directions to the state police facility where he was being held ~~ way the hell out in the boondocks. And at 2am I headed out the door to get to him. I had lots of time to think about how I would react and decided to keep calm. He's an intelligent man and I knew I wouldn't say anything he hadn't already said to himself, and he didn't need me adding to his guilt and stress. So I paid the bond and waited. We got home around 3am.

He talked all the way home. He'd been at one place, got a call from a friend at another place and DH went to go join him. Since DH was in a rush to get there before his friend left, he was driving a little too aggressively ~~ tailgating and an illegal lane change (unfortunately, DH does not have to be drinking to drive this way, it's pretty normal). This is what got the officer's attention. And of course, once DH was pulled over, the officer could tell he'd be drinking and did all the standard tests. DH thought he was doing well, but the officer's notes indicated that he failed the tests. So, on went the handcuffs and off he went to jail.

It was obvious how bad he felt about the whole thing. No anger towards the police, just towards himself. I just made sure I was there for him, making supportive comments and gestures. One of the ways I could tell how upset he was ~~ as we finally laid down to sleep he curled up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and fell asleep holding me tight. We don't generally sleep like this ~~ it's too uncomfortable. But it was what he needed.

Up Saturday and off to the impound yard. Kids of course had questions about where was Daddy's car. I just told them it was towed, figuring it was up to DH to tell them as much or as little about what happened.

Then it was computer searches for attorneys and phone calls and reviews of the tickets and other paperwork. It's going to cost thousands to get through this. On our side is that it's a first offense, he wasn't far over the legal limit, he was not driving dangerously, and no one was hurt. Right now it's just wait and see.

I'll continue with this in the next post. Promise.

Well, it's been a day

Happy Monday

If you saw any of my weekend tweets, you might have noticed things were a little tense. Don't know why, don't care, just as long as we continue to get along. It's after 9pm and so far so good.

My boss didn't make it today, so I made the drive for no good reason. He says he'll be there tomorrow. I hope so.

I was supposed to go to the gym today. Um, yeah, didn't make it. Forgot to take my gym shoes to work, left work late, and when I stopped at home to get them, I found out that my baby fell while riding her bike. She got some pretty bad scrapes and was on need of some mommy love. I did the math and if I still went to the gym, I wouldn't get home until after 9 - way too late. So I have skipped and will get back on track Wednesday.

OC is driving us all nuts between her obsession with hockey and her constant studying for her upcoming AP test. I will be so glad when both are over and done.

MC shared a story -- he and a friend, A, had a project. It didn't go so well. Ended with A flat on his back with a bloody nose after flipping over a rail and smacking his head on a wall. Then the teacher fainted on the way to the nurses office. And it's all caught on tape. Can't wait to see it. I've told MC he should write all down too. I also made him call and check on A --he's alright and plans to be on school tomorrow.

Spring has finally fully arrived. All our trees are in full blossom and the handful of tulips that did not get eaten by bunnies bloomed. We will definitely need to plant more bulbs this fall.

And I am having way too much fun with my iPhone.

So, that's the update from Casa Robin

-- From My iPhone

Testing, testing...

Guess what I got....

An iPhone!!! It's my mother's day gift. It's a refurbished one, so a bit cheaper than brand new.

And now I'm testing the blogging ap I downloaded. Having fun with all the aps that came with and that I've also downloaded.


Enough about that. I know it's been a month and I really do plan to get a post of substance up soon. Really. Although I don't suggest holding your breath.

-- Post From My iPhone

Day to Day

Got a nice brief 'half-butt' hand spanking last night.

What's a 'half-butt' spanking, you ask?

Well, that's what happens when the spankee is curled up on her left side, trying to go to sleep, and the spanker decides that he needs to get a few spanks in before actually falling asleep. Since the spankee is on her left side, really only the right side of her butt is readily available for the spanker to spank.

So I drifted off to sleep with a nice tingling on the right side.

Then this morning, before work, I had to give myself my very first spanking diet discipline spanking. Sheeesh. Not fun, not at all. Painful physically, and emotionally... well, I just felt stupid that I couldn't manage to even lose .1 pound in a week so had to spank myself. I will do better this week. I really don't want to have to do that again.

*********************************************************************

So the title today? John had mentioned in a comment that he liked to hear about my day-to-day life. My response was that there isn't much going on day to day, but that I would provide a breakdown.

Monday through Friday

• My alarm goes off at 5:30. And I turn it off. I listen to OC get up and head out the door (if she goes to her pre-school church class, she's out by 6am, and if going straight to school, she's out by 6:45).
• About 7am I wake up MC, then crawl back into bed for another 1/2 hour or so. If DH is home, he usually gets up between 7 and 7:30, kissing me good-bye before heading downstairs. At which point I turn on the TV and open the curtain so I don't fall back asleep.
• About 8am I wake up YC and make sure she brushes her teeth and her hair, changes her clothes and eats breakfast before driving her to school.
• Then I either return home to work from home, or start my commute into the office. I work 'til at least 5pm but sometimes as late as 6pm.
• Dinner, housework, TV, computer, bed... if I'm lucky there's some fun and games with DH before sleep

Weekends, we tend to sleep in, maybe have some fun in the morning before getting up, or at night before sleep. Some Saturdays, DH and I go out for a 'date'. The rest of the weekends are taken up with housework, shopping, errands. Once the weather improves, I hope we can get out more for fun things, like the zoo.

That's basically it. Throw in the occasional appointment, running errands, and sex, and you've got my life in a nutshell.

Right now the kids are home on spring break, so there have been multiple other kids in and out of our home (tonight there are 2 additional teen boys and one additional little girl, all spending the night since I work from home tomorrow). DH is home for his second week in a row and isn't expecting to go anywhere for at least another 10 days or so. Kids are all doing well in school, getting good grades, getting along with everyone. Work is going along (I keep reminding myself that I am lucky to have a job, repeating this over and over and over...). OC turns 16 in 10 days. I can't believe she's that old, or that we are :P.

*************************************************************

Oooh, here's something good. Know what DH wants to do on Good Friday? He wants to go camping. Nothing inherently wrong with that. We do have a tent. And sleeping bags.... um, no other camping supplies....

And it's been at least 20 years since either of has camped. His experience was military, mine was family. We used to camp a lot when I was growing up. Every couple of years we would travel between California and Washington for vacation. We had a favorite campground outside Bend, Oregon, and another outside Leavenworth, WA. After we moved to Washington, there were lots of wonderful campgrounds all around, and we camped frequently just with our family or with various church groups. I also served as a school camp counsellor in my 7th, 8th, 11th, and 12th grades, and one summer when I worked for the youth conservation corp we spend an entire week up in the mountains.

All of those experiences are fond memories, and I would love for my kids to have the same sorts of experiences and memories, but I really don't think we're properly equipped at this time. Seriously, all we have is a tent and some sleeping bags. No tarps, no air mattresses, no coolers, no cooking gear.... I don't know about this, but I'm game. Wish us luck.

Depression and Submissiveness

While poking through the various blogs I read (ok, trying to catch up), I found a link to Selkie's blog, went over and started to read.

Last Thursday, she had a little rant on depression and BDSM. You can read it here. Made me wonder who these people talk to to come up with ideas such as submissives being depressives. And that perhaps the BDSM plays into it.

Now, what I'm going to say here is my opinion and my experience only, so obviously I don't expect anyone to agree or have necessarily experienced anything similar. And you are welcome to state your objections, just be nice about it.

For years, and looking back through journals, clearly all the way back to my teen years, I have had times where I've felt like I was being sucked into the abyss. Now, I'm not going to call it depression as I've never been formally diagnosed ~~ although based on some informal conversations with people who do diagnose and treat depression, plus taking some questionnaires, if it wasn't actual Depression, it was pretty darn close.

Fortunately, I never got to the point where I seriously contemplated physically hurting myself or suicide (thoughts crossed my mind, but I pushed them out), but I often thought of just walking away, leaving it all behind (husband, kids, home, job, etc.), with no plan of where I would go, what I would do, just needing desperately to get away from everything in the idea that perhaps then the pain would go away (I even had clear visions of walking down the front walk with a backpack, without even looking back). Somehow, in all the pain is was feeling, I was still able to realize that leaving would only hurt my family, and based on my pain and misery, I didn't want to possibly cause those feelings in them.

For years, I spent far more time in that dark place, functioning just enough to get by, than I did out of it. Why didn't I discuss it with a doctor? Honestly, I just figured it was normal ~~ I was stressed by high school, then by college, parents divorcing, relationships of my own, trying to juggle work and school to pay bills, marriage, children (2 close together), etc. And when I did try to mention it to doctors, they'd get to the "hurting yourself/suicide" questions and when I answered "no, but I do just want to leave it all, just crawl in a hole", I would generally get the "well, then you're not really depressed, you're just exhausted, try to get more rest, eat better, etc." type of speech. So, again, it was just 'normal' and to be expected, so I struggled on.

If you've read this far, you're probably wondering how this ties into BDSM and submissiveness. Bear with me, I'm getting there *grin*

With all the reading I've done during my life, romances were not part of it. Now if romance were a part of the story, that was great, but I did not ever, ever go into the romance section of the book store. Frankly, I was embarrassed by the covers (bodice rippers, anyone?) and just couldn't bring myself to take one up to the counter and have anyone see what I was buying. Then, a few years ago, I discovered contemporary romances ~~ often written in first person, women who I could relate to, strong alpha males, and nice covers. I started reading then, wanted what they described, and tried to figure out how to get that kind of vibe going in my marriage.

Enter the internet and searching for erotica online. I found sites with all sorts of stories, but the one's that really got my attention were the spanking and dominance stories. I recognized that this was what I was looking for, what I needed in my relationship. Just accepting these things about myself, identifying myself as a woman with submissive tendencies, with sexual wants and needs, started to lift the dark cloud that had hung over me for so many years. And once I opened up to DH, and he came on board (at least somewhat, however sporadically), things really changed.

I rarely now have those black times, where I feel I'm sinking down into the dark whirlpool and don't feel like I will ever make it out. It does still happen, but less frequently (months apart now) and less severe (days instead of weeks/months). And before anyone says, PMS, um, no, not really, especially not in the past (god forbid PMS should last for months), although all those hormonal shifts can contribute. But I've checked the calendar and can honestly say that I there is no strong correlation between my dark times and my period.

So, in conclusion, in my case, realizing, accepting, and acting upon my submissiveness has actually reduced my "depressive" episodes. I realize this is not the case with all people, but it's my experience.

Final note: I am not a doctor or a therapist or anything like that, so I am in no way advising that anyone who has been formally diagnosed with depression and/or prescribed medication to treat their depression, try BDSM as a treatment. Obviously, working with a doctor/therapist, getting the medical help that is required is the proper way to do things. Depression is a medical condition that can have serious affects not only on the sufferer but also on their family and loved ones. Don't be like me ~~ if you think you may be suffering with depression, go to your doctor, and if they don't help, go to another doctor, and another until you find one who will truly listen, run tests, do whatever it takes to figure out what is wrong and get you the help you need to heal.
Depression is not your fault.

The drought is over!

The spanking drought, that is.

Got a very lovely, very erotic hand spanking Sunday morning. Completely unasked for, but oh, so welcome. DH started it, I shifted so he could easily access the entire area

Spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;repeat,repeat,repeat.... all at just the most perfect timing and force. I didn't want to get away at all.

Absolutely wonderful *sigh*

And of course, the I showed my appreciation for the wonderful spanking with some oral attention, positioned so that DH could continue to spank and caress me. Eventually, we moved on to our favorite position and continued until we both reached our peak.

A lovely way to start the day.

And to make it even better, the feeling, that special twinge during sitting, going up or down stairs, persisted for a few hours. The next day a quick peak in the mirror showed just the slightest bit of bruising along the curve.

*sigh*

I hope we won't go several months 'til the next good spanking...

Here's the video for the theme song for Saving Grace. I hope you like it.

I checked TNT and it doesn't look like this week's episode is available for online viewing yet. Hopefully within the next few days.

Saving Grace

Anyone else out there watch Saving Grace on TNT? Did you see this week's episode "Take me somewhere, Earl"? If not, go, find it online, and watch it.

Why, you ask.

Because it's got a spanking scene!!!!

She spanks him (his nickname is Spanky), and he's pants down OTK. It's great. OMG. I was laughing, especially when she got the info she wanted and rolled him off her lap to the floor. Holly Hunter plays Grace, and she is so itty-bitty, it was so incongruous to see this big guy streched across her lap.

Please, find it, watch it, enjoy.

If you don't know the series at all, it's excellent, and I highly recommend watching it from the beginning. Love the theme song, as well.

And there's a message board with a thread started already to discuss the spanking scene. I saw at least one acknowledged spanko commenting.

In a Funk?

Yes, yes, I am. Ya know, in case you were wondering...

Such a funk that not only am I not writing, anything anywhere, I'm also not out there reading anything I enjoy reading.

Don't want to write up my vacation log, or review the pics; don't want to write down the stories swirling in my brain; don't want to write down what's been going on (but I will, a little bit, here).

Last post I mentioned the drastic pay cut I came home to... Well, that pay cut has led to an adjustment in my work schedule in an effort to cut expenses (I work from home a couple of days a week, then the rest of the week I go in after I drop YC off at school ~~ cuts out childcare cost and reduces commuting expenses), which I am still adjusting to.

Last week DH was off to a business conference and my insomnia was back big time. Been a while since I had to sleep without him next to me. Just another adjustment. He's off again this week, and I'm trying to do better.

MC brought home some sort of stomach bug last week. He even missed a day of school. Well, this weekend, OC and I ended up with it, which wouldn't have been too bad except we discovered that during the recent rains our sump pump failed and our basement flooded. So, we ended up spending the majority of the weekend trying to remove as much water as possible from the carpet and then setting up multiple fans hoping to dry it out the rest of the way. The insurance adjuster is supposed to be out this morning. Our basement is fully finished including carpet. Such a hassle if we have to pull out all the carpet and baseboards.

And then YC caught the bug and stayed home sick yesterday. Thankfully, she's up and feeling fine today. She turned 8 this past weekend and it's her special week in class, so she's eager to get to school. We worked hard Sunday night to get her poster made ~~ covered with special pictures, that she captioned. We all had fun looking through all the family photos.

As far as spankings go, um, yeah, nope. No 'real' spankings since our birthdays back in December. Just a tiny little bit of play on vacation. I think we've both been so stressed and worn out that we just can't muster the energy for anything beyond the basics. And even the basics has been much less lately. *le sigh*

Well, that's it for now, time to get YC to school.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Hey Everyone (or anyone who's still popping in here) ~~

We're back!

yeah :|

Back to work, kids, housework, cold wintry weather...

Well, at least I still have a job ~~ although things are not all hunky dory on the work front ~~ another drastic pay cut, supposedly temporary.... yuk.

Anyway...

Saw lots of beautiful places, met lots of nice people, took lots of pictures (somewhere around 800). It's going to take a while to go through all the pics (edit, compress, caption, etc.) and get our adventures written down, so to tide things over, here's a pic of Mount Maunganui, New Zealand. Enjoy.

We've Made it Safely to NZ

Sitting in our hotel room in warm, humid, rainy Auckland. Loving the warmth ~~ the humidity, yeah, not so much :)
But I understand the rain is very welcome as they've had a fairly hot, dry summer. They haven't experienced the wildfires like Australia, but the fire danger is still extremely high along the east coast of both the North and South Islands.

What little I've seen of Auckland is beautiful ~~ it's very lush here. Lots of trees, bushes, flowers everywhere. The view from the plane as we flew in yesterday was gorgeous ~~ green everywhere, rolling hills, beaches and seashore...

Our hotel is right across the street from the University and a beautiful park. We've done a bit of walking about, yesterday and today, down the hill, through the Chancery and along nearby streets, windowshopping and just enjoying the area.

With all the overcast, we're not seeing much of the surrounding area...

It's odd when we call home ~~ It's Tuesday morning here and Monday afternoon there. Kids are doing ok with Grandma... so far :P

Anyway, we'll be heading off to the ship shortly, so I've got to get everything packed up and tagged properly.

Hope to be able to post more from the ship.