Thursday, June 4, 2009

So, How Ya Doin'?

Please don't ask unless you really want to know...

Ok, you've been warned.

I am...

Yep, bleh. I am tired, physically, mentally & emotionally. I am achy all over (5th headachy day in a row). Tired of being congested. Tired of having to watch every penny. Tired of having to deal with the same crap day after day. Tired of my sucky life... Basically pretty darn miserable all 'round.

Tired of being the person 'they' all run to when they need something (done, fixed, bought, etc.). Yes, it's nice to know you're needed, but really, I'm to believe there is no one else, anywhere, who could also take of whatever? Right.

Work stresses -- still understaffed, underpaid, and overburdened. My piles never get any smaller, no matter how much I do. Oh, and they're closing the facility where I work, and transitioning my position to HQ, more than doubling my commute. But because the two places are less than 50 miles apart, I'm not eligible for severance. So it's either move to HQ or quit. My boss did emphasize that they don't want to lose me and will be flexible with my schedule so I won't need to be there everyday... But still, it's easily a 2hr drive one way. We'll just have to see. If I stay through the end of the year I will get a special bonus.

And DH-- where to start, what to say. Can't help but think that everyone must be tired of hearing about our ups and downs. I know I'm tired of living through/with them. Long story short, May 24 he pulled a "Mr. Hyde" again, left and didn't come home until mid-afternoon Monday. And continued to behave poorly and blame everything on everyone else (mainly me). He has continued to be pissy with everyone, but especially our son. He's only making nice with me, so it seems, because he's been horny and wanting some action. I let him have his way last night, but I was so not into it, emotionally especially.

And you know what's on Monday? Our 16th wedding anniversary. I saw the reminder pop up and was not thrilled. In your mind, try to hear me so "oh god" in a "I am not happy about this at all" tone of voice. Seriously, I went over his schedule in my mind, hoping he'd be out of town (no luck as he still has DUI stuff he's dealing with), then hoped that if I said nothing, he'd forget and I wouldn't have to deal with it or face it. No such luck. He has remembered and is now planning our night out.

I want to cry every time I hear "Her Diamonds" by Rob Thomas. Go look up the lyrics - I think you'll understand why. (I can't copy and paste on this).

I don't know what the answer is, although a week or so of solitude sounds very appealing. Unfortunately, that's unaffordable, on so many levels. So, I'll just continue as I am, slogging through everyday, hoping things/I get better.

Although, you know, just getting all this out, I feel a little less burdened.

-- From My iPhone


Constance said...

Dear Robin,

I am so sorry to hear that things aren't going well. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but that post is one I could have written myself at various stages in my life. I think we all have those 'nothing is going well' moments, but of course they are TEMPORARY. Hope things take a turn for the better very soon.


Robin said...

Hi Constance,
Thanks for commenting. The hard part is just getting through these times. But, so far, things are better, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I just wish that it didn't seem like there are more hard times than easy times...