Testing, testing...

Guess what I got....

An iPhone!!! It's my mother's day gift. It's a refurbished one, so a bit cheaper than brand new.

And now I'm testing the blogging ap I downloaded. Having fun with all the aps that came with and that I've also downloaded.


Enough about that. I know it's been a month and I really do plan to get a post of substance up soon. Really. Although I don't suggest holding your breath.

-- Post From My iPhone

Day to Day

Got a nice brief 'half-butt' hand spanking last night.

What's a 'half-butt' spanking, you ask?

Well, that's what happens when the spankee is curled up on her left side, trying to go to sleep, and the spanker decides that he needs to get a few spanks in before actually falling asleep. Since the spankee is on her left side, really only the right side of her butt is readily available for the spanker to spank.

So I drifted off to sleep with a nice tingling on the right side.

Then this morning, before work, I had to give myself my very first spanking diet discipline spanking. Sheeesh. Not fun, not at all. Painful physically, and emotionally... well, I just felt stupid that I couldn't manage to even lose .1 pound in a week so had to spank myself. I will do better this week. I really don't want to have to do that again.

*********************************************************************

So the title today? John had mentioned in a comment that he liked to hear about my day-to-day life. My response was that there isn't much going on day to day, but that I would provide a breakdown.

Monday through Friday

• My alarm goes off at 5:30. And I turn it off. I listen to OC get up and head out the door (if she goes to her pre-school church class, she's out by 6am, and if going straight to school, she's out by 6:45).
• About 7am I wake up MC, then crawl back into bed for another 1/2 hour or so. If DH is home, he usually gets up between 7 and 7:30, kissing me good-bye before heading downstairs. At which point I turn on the TV and open the curtain so I don't fall back asleep.
• About 8am I wake up YC and make sure she brushes her teeth and her hair, changes her clothes and eats breakfast before driving her to school.
• Then I either return home to work from home, or start my commute into the office. I work 'til at least 5pm but sometimes as late as 6pm.
• Dinner, housework, TV, computer, bed... if I'm lucky there's some fun and games with DH before sleep

Weekends, we tend to sleep in, maybe have some fun in the morning before getting up, or at night before sleep. Some Saturdays, DH and I go out for a 'date'. The rest of the weekends are taken up with housework, shopping, errands. Once the weather improves, I hope we can get out more for fun things, like the zoo.

That's basically it. Throw in the occasional appointment, running errands, and sex, and you've got my life in a nutshell.

Right now the kids are home on spring break, so there have been multiple other kids in and out of our home (tonight there are 2 additional teen boys and one additional little girl, all spending the night since I work from home tomorrow). DH is home for his second week in a row and isn't expecting to go anywhere for at least another 10 days or so. Kids are all doing well in school, getting good grades, getting along with everyone. Work is going along (I keep reminding myself that I am lucky to have a job, repeating this over and over and over...). OC turns 16 in 10 days. I can't believe she's that old, or that we are :P.

*************************************************************

Oooh, here's something good. Know what DH wants to do on Good Friday? He wants to go camping. Nothing inherently wrong with that. We do have a tent. And sleeping bags.... um, no other camping supplies....

And it's been at least 20 years since either of has camped. His experience was military, mine was family. We used to camp a lot when I was growing up. Every couple of years we would travel between California and Washington for vacation. We had a favorite campground outside Bend, Oregon, and another outside Leavenworth, WA. After we moved to Washington, there were lots of wonderful campgrounds all around, and we camped frequently just with our family or with various church groups. I also served as a school camp counsellor in my 7th, 8th, 11th, and 12th grades, and one summer when I worked for the youth conservation corp we spend an entire week up in the mountains.

All of those experiences are fond memories, and I would love for my kids to have the same sorts of experiences and memories, but I really don't think we're properly equipped at this time. Seriously, all we have is a tent and some sleeping bags. No tarps, no air mattresses, no coolers, no cooking gear.... I don't know about this, but I'm game. Wish us luck.

Depression and Submissiveness

While poking through the various blogs I read (ok, trying to catch up), I found a link to Selkie's blog, went over and started to read.

Last Thursday, she had a little rant on depression and BDSM. You can read it here. Made me wonder who these people talk to to come up with ideas such as submissives being depressives. And that perhaps the BDSM plays into it.

Now, what I'm going to say here is my opinion and my experience only, so obviously I don't expect anyone to agree or have necessarily experienced anything similar. And you are welcome to state your objections, just be nice about it.

For years, and looking back through journals, clearly all the way back to my teen years, I have had times where I've felt like I was being sucked into the abyss. Now, I'm not going to call it depression as I've never been formally diagnosed ~~ although based on some informal conversations with people who do diagnose and treat depression, plus taking some questionnaires, if it wasn't actual Depression, it was pretty darn close.

Fortunately, I never got to the point where I seriously contemplated physically hurting myself or suicide (thoughts crossed my mind, but I pushed them out), but I often thought of just walking away, leaving it all behind (husband, kids, home, job, etc.), with no plan of where I would go, what I would do, just needing desperately to get away from everything in the idea that perhaps then the pain would go away (I even had clear visions of walking down the front walk with a backpack, without even looking back). Somehow, in all the pain is was feeling, I was still able to realize that leaving would only hurt my family, and based on my pain and misery, I didn't want to possibly cause those feelings in them.

For years, I spent far more time in that dark place, functioning just enough to get by, than I did out of it. Why didn't I discuss it with a doctor? Honestly, I just figured it was normal ~~ I was stressed by high school, then by college, parents divorcing, relationships of my own, trying to juggle work and school to pay bills, marriage, children (2 close together), etc. And when I did try to mention it to doctors, they'd get to the "hurting yourself/suicide" questions and when I answered "no, but I do just want to leave it all, just crawl in a hole", I would generally get the "well, then you're not really depressed, you're just exhausted, try to get more rest, eat better, etc." type of speech. So, again, it was just 'normal' and to be expected, so I struggled on.

If you've read this far, you're probably wondering how this ties into BDSM and submissiveness. Bear with me, I'm getting there *grin*

With all the reading I've done during my life, romances were not part of it. Now if romance were a part of the story, that was great, but I did not ever, ever go into the romance section of the book store. Frankly, I was embarrassed by the covers (bodice rippers, anyone?) and just couldn't bring myself to take one up to the counter and have anyone see what I was buying. Then, a few years ago, I discovered contemporary romances ~~ often written in first person, women who I could relate to, strong alpha males, and nice covers. I started reading then, wanted what they described, and tried to figure out how to get that kind of vibe going in my marriage.

Enter the internet and searching for erotica online. I found sites with all sorts of stories, but the one's that really got my attention were the spanking and dominance stories. I recognized that this was what I was looking for, what I needed in my relationship. Just accepting these things about myself, identifying myself as a woman with submissive tendencies, with sexual wants and needs, started to lift the dark cloud that had hung over me for so many years. And once I opened up to DH, and he came on board (at least somewhat, however sporadically), things really changed.

I rarely now have those black times, where I feel I'm sinking down into the dark whirlpool and don't feel like I will ever make it out. It does still happen, but less frequently (months apart now) and less severe (days instead of weeks/months). And before anyone says, PMS, um, no, not really, especially not in the past (god forbid PMS should last for months), although all those hormonal shifts can contribute. But I've checked the calendar and can honestly say that I there is no strong correlation between my dark times and my period.

So, in conclusion, in my case, realizing, accepting, and acting upon my submissiveness has actually reduced my "depressive" episodes. I realize this is not the case with all people, but it's my experience.

Final note: I am not a doctor or a therapist or anything like that, so I am in no way advising that anyone who has been formally diagnosed with depression and/or prescribed medication to treat their depression, try BDSM as a treatment. Obviously, working with a doctor/therapist, getting the medical help that is required is the proper way to do things. Depression is a medical condition that can have serious affects not only on the sufferer but also on their family and loved ones. Don't be like me ~~ if you think you may be suffering with depression, go to your doctor, and if they don't help, go to another doctor, and another until you find one who will truly listen, run tests, do whatever it takes to figure out what is wrong and get you the help you need to heal.
Depression is not your fault.

The drought is over!

The spanking drought, that is.

Got a very lovely, very erotic hand spanking Sunday morning. Completely unasked for, but oh, so welcome. DH started it, I shifted so he could easily access the entire area

Spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;repeat,repeat,repeat.... all at just the most perfect timing and force. I didn't want to get away at all.

Absolutely wonderful *sigh*

And of course, the I showed my appreciation for the wonderful spanking with some oral attention, positioned so that DH could continue to spank and caress me. Eventually, we moved on to our favorite position and continued until we both reached our peak.

A lovely way to start the day.

And to make it even better, the feeling, that special twinge during sitting, going up or down stairs, persisted for a few hours. The next day a quick peak in the mirror showed just the slightest bit of bruising along the curve.

*sigh*

I hope we won't go several months 'til the next good spanking...

Here's the video for the theme song for Saving Grace. I hope you like it.

I checked TNT and it doesn't look like this week's episode is available for online viewing yet. Hopefully within the next few days.

Saving Grace

Anyone else out there watch Saving Grace on TNT? Did you see this week's episode "Take me somewhere, Earl"? If not, go, find it online, and watch it.

Why, you ask.

Because it's got a spanking scene!!!!

She spanks him (his nickname is Spanky), and he's pants down OTK. It's great. OMG. I was laughing, especially when she got the info she wanted and rolled him off her lap to the floor. Holly Hunter plays Grace, and she is so itty-bitty, it was so incongruous to see this big guy streched across her lap.

Please, find it, watch it, enjoy.

If you don't know the series at all, it's excellent, and I highly recommend watching it from the beginning. Love the theme song, as well.

And there's a message board with a thread started already to discuss the spanking scene. I saw at least one acknowledged spanko commenting.

In a Funk?

Yes, yes, I am. Ya know, in case you were wondering...

Such a funk that not only am I not writing, anything anywhere, I'm also not out there reading anything I enjoy reading.

Don't want to write up my vacation log, or review the pics; don't want to write down the stories swirling in my brain; don't want to write down what's been going on (but I will, a little bit, here).

Last post I mentioned the drastic pay cut I came home to... Well, that pay cut has led to an adjustment in my work schedule in an effort to cut expenses (I work from home a couple of days a week, then the rest of the week I go in after I drop YC off at school ~~ cuts out childcare cost and reduces commuting expenses), which I am still adjusting to.

Last week DH was off to a business conference and my insomnia was back big time. Been a while since I had to sleep without him next to me. Just another adjustment. He's off again this week, and I'm trying to do better.

MC brought home some sort of stomach bug last week. He even missed a day of school. Well, this weekend, OC and I ended up with it, which wouldn't have been too bad except we discovered that during the recent rains our sump pump failed and our basement flooded. So, we ended up spending the majority of the weekend trying to remove as much water as possible from the carpet and then setting up multiple fans hoping to dry it out the rest of the way. The insurance adjuster is supposed to be out this morning. Our basement is fully finished including carpet. Such a hassle if we have to pull out all the carpet and baseboards.

And then YC caught the bug and stayed home sick yesterday. Thankfully, she's up and feeling fine today. She turned 8 this past weekend and it's her special week in class, so she's eager to get to school. We worked hard Sunday night to get her poster made ~~ covered with special pictures, that she captioned. We all had fun looking through all the family photos.

As far as spankings go, um, yeah, nope. No 'real' spankings since our birthdays back in December. Just a tiny little bit of play on vacation. I think we've both been so stressed and worn out that we just can't muster the energy for anything beyond the basics. And even the basics has been much less lately. *le sigh*

Well, that's it for now, time to get YC to school.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Hey Everyone (or anyone who's still popping in here) ~~

We're back!

yeah :|

Back to work, kids, housework, cold wintry weather...

Well, at least I still have a job ~~ although things are not all hunky dory on the work front ~~ another drastic pay cut, supposedly temporary.... yuk.

Anyway...

Saw lots of beautiful places, met lots of nice people, took lots of pictures (somewhere around 800). It's going to take a while to go through all the pics (edit, compress, caption, etc.) and get our adventures written down, so to tide things over, here's a pic of Mount Maunganui, New Zealand. Enjoy.

We've Made it Safely to NZ

Sitting in our hotel room in warm, humid, rainy Auckland. Loving the warmth ~~ the humidity, yeah, not so much :)
But I understand the rain is very welcome as they've had a fairly hot, dry summer. They haven't experienced the wildfires like Australia, but the fire danger is still extremely high along the east coast of both the North and South Islands.

What little I've seen of Auckland is beautiful ~~ it's very lush here. Lots of trees, bushes, flowers everywhere. The view from the plane as we flew in yesterday was gorgeous ~~ green everywhere, rolling hills, beaches and seashore...

Our hotel is right across the street from the University and a beautiful park. We've done a bit of walking about, yesterday and today, down the hill, through the Chancery and along nearby streets, windowshopping and just enjoying the area.

With all the overcast, we're not seeing much of the surrounding area...

It's odd when we call home ~~ It's Tuesday morning here and Monday afternoon there. Kids are doing ok with Grandma... so far :P

Anyway, we'll be heading off to the ship shortly, so I've got to get everything packed up and tagged properly.

Hope to be able to post more from the ship.

Just a brief check in...

before we head off on our vacation. I can't wait to be warm. I am so excited to see New Zealand and Australia. I've always wanted to. I realize going on a cruise means I'll get just a teeny tiny taste of what they're like, but it's better than not going at all. And it will be warm! I am so tired of subfreezing temps....

We head out at noon on Saturday and don't get back 'til the 22nd. Not sure how much online access I'll get ~~ we'll be at sea most of the time and Internet access on the ship is not cheap.

So, if I can, I'll post. If not, well, I'll try to get some things written so when we get back I'll have stuff to post.

MicroFantasy Monday ~ Week 13

Thank you, Ang at Sweltering Celt

Meredith shifted nervously as she waited in the security line. She had been dreading this part of her trip ever since Jason had sent his list of detailed instructions.

She already knew that she would set off the metal detector, thanks to her collar and matching cuffs. And there was no way she could remove them herself, even if Jason had given permission. They could only be removed with a special tool, a tool that Jason kept securely attached to his key ring.

Meredith moved forward a few more steps, pulling her carry on behind her. The carry on that was not full of clothing for the long weekend... The carry on that was almost completely full of 'toys'. Sex toys ~~ paddles, floggers, cuffs, ropes, vibrators, clamps, etc. Everything that Jason had insisted she pack.

Setting her purse and the carry on on the conveyor, Meredith stepped through the metal detector, smiling shyly at the security person as the detector went off. She pointed out her collar and cuffs, and with an apology explained that they couldn't be removed.

As she moved to the side and stood as directed, she could clearly see the person monitoring the bags as they went through the x-ray machine. He squinted his eyes, concentrating... then they went wide and he motioned the other security personnel over to take a look. Meredith knew, with a sinking feeling, that they were looking at her bag. She wanted to just sink in on herself and disappear, but she stood still while she was wanded.

"Ma'am? Ma'am? If we could please see you over here?" Meredith looked towards the voice, seeing that it was a security person with her bag. Pasting a wan smile on her face, Meredith squared her soldiers and walked towards the table as her bag was unzipped.

It's Sad

but with everything that's gone on in our little piece of the blogging world this past week, I want to state that I am real. My family is real. What I share here about my marriage and my day to day life, good/bad/silly, is all real, written as I remember it. It is up to the reader to decide whether to believe me or not.

Yes, I've changed names or used pseudonyms, I haven't stated where I live or where I work. There are times I'd like to share something here, but don't because in the telling I might give away a little too much and endanger our privacy. I realize that there is enough shared here, that if someone who already knows us in real life were to read it, they could probably identify us. It's a calculated risk I take to share aspects of my life I have been unable to share elsewhere.

I really wasn't planning to post about all this, but it's been weighing on me all week as I've read about so many people's pain from what happened. And I just have to let it out ~~ after all, that is one of the reasons I blog *wry smile*.

I'm not going to give a long discourse on lying or honesty or deception ~~ many have already done so. What I will say is that my trust in what I read on other blogs, as posts or comments, has been seriously damaged. Unless something is clearly labelled as fictional, whether partly or entirely, the tendency is to believe it is real, from the author's point of view (we all know that different people involved in the same situation may have different memories of what happened ~~ doesn't make any of them wrong, it's just different perspectives).

I understand the temptation to hide behind the written words, describe yourself as thinner, taller, kinder, etc. (In real life, I'm a wallflower, the silent and shy observer in a roomful of people, the one who rarely approaches another to start a conversation. But here, I can open up and through comments and emails interact with others without feeling crippled by my painful shyness.) But what has happened here in blogland has gone beyond that into complete and utter deception. I don't care what the rationalizations were, it was wrong from the get go.

Trust can, with time and hard work, be repaired, but will seldom ever be as strong as it was before. I am not going to advise anyone on how they should be feeling or reacting, or on how to go forward. Everyone will need to decide for themselves what the future holds for their 'relationships'. I'm still conflicted myself, and for now am just taking it one day at a time, sitting back, reading/observing, and trying to decide where to go from here.

Will I give up blogging? No; I know I'm not one of the 'popular' blogs, but I'm not writing for popularity ~~ I'm writing for me, and that urge will never go away. But I will probably change some of my reading and commenting habits... And that is sad.

TMI Tuesday #170

From TMI Tuesday


1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
Nope

2. What is your type?
I have to have a type? Um, taller than me, intelligent, funny/witty, dark hair, a Scottish accent is always a plus :D, dominant...

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
Sex game? There are sex games? Where? How come I've never heard of these? Oh, yeah, right, I had a sheltered life.

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
Nope, knew first and last names of all of them ~~ oh, wait, perhaps not, I'm not sure I knew DH's last name...

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Yep, many times.

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
I think it depends on how you define peak ~~ physical ability, mental & emotional levels, and skill level all play apart.
Nope, I hope not, I plan to continue growing and developing as long as I live.

Microfantasy Monday #11

As always, thanks to Ang over at Sweltering Celt.

Maggie thumbed excitedly through the catalogs. Now that their youngest child was finally moving out, John had agreed it was time to refurnish the house. And he had put Maggie in charge, within reason.

She knew that at a minimum they needed new furniture in the kitchen, family room and the master bedroom. Maggie was hoping that the game room in the basement could also get a few new things.

What John didn't know was that Maggie was not only looking at the attractiveness of the furniture but also at their functionality.

Tables had to be sturdy enough to hold their weight ~~ should John ever decide to have his wicked way with her in the kitchen.

At least some of the chairs had to be straight backed and armless ~~ perfect for those over-the-knee spankings John gave her.

Couches needed to be comfy and wide enough that they could easily cuddle together, and more.

A nice ottoman in the family room ~~ just right for kneeling and bending over for spankings, sex, whatever John would dream up.

And the master bedroom... A sturdy four-poster bed with sheer fabric panels for added romance. Maggie fantasized about being tied securely to the posts, spread eagled, at John's mercy. Or maybe she would turn the tables and tie him to the bed.

She giggled with delight as she very carefully picked the furniture that would assist in making her fantasies come true.

How Spankable Am I?

No surprise here :D

Your result for The How Spankable Are You Test...

SPANK SLUT

You are 93% spankable!

You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldn’t be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.

Take The How Spankable Are You Test at HelloQuizzy

TMI Tuesday #169 - Back to TMI Basics

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?

      I'd say a 7 -- I could definitely get more than I am, with more variety, fun, spice, etc.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?

       Oh. My. God. Don't stop. Love that take control attitude.

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?

        Hmmm. Pretty impressive when DH opted to buy me a sapphire & diamond ring for Valentine's instead of getting himself the new computer he wanted. Then there was the time we'd had an argument & he sent apology flowers to me at work with a special (spanking) note.

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?

      We're boring. I've done lots of public groping, etc. ~ had a boyfriend who loved to finger me to orgasm on the bus, in the theater, anywhere he thought he could get away with it. But full on sex... Bedroom, living room, hotel... nothing unusual. And considering DH's past as a risk taker, he's never really tried anything like that with me.

5. How do you liked to be kissed?

       I like it to start out slow, mouth closed, slightly opening, pausing to breathe and pull back to look at each other, building up to open mouthed w/ tongue action, nibbling and pulling on each others lips & tongue.


Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?

        I honestly can't think of anything. To my knowledge no one has ever walked in on us... nope, can't think of anything.

       

Microfantasy Tuesday Monday

Thanks to Ang at Sweltering Celt.

I walked into the bedroom, looking forward to a long hot shower before bed. A long day at work, a sweaty session at the gym ~ I just wanted to stand under the warm relaxing water & then crawl into bed.

He, however, had other ideas.

He was seated on the bed, a towel spread out next to him & another towel obviously covering something.

"We need to talk about your hair."

"My hair?" I reached up to touch my hair where it was piled on top of my head. "What about my hair?"

"You haven't been keeping groomed lately. Not the way I like it."

I didn't say anything, just stared at him in bewilderment.

"Close & lock the door, remove all your clothes, & come sit on this towel," patting the spread out towel on the bed.

*What the hell!?*

"Now! Or do I need to get the bath brush?"

*Yikes!* I quickly did as I was told, sitting on the towel and leaning back against the pillows.

He picked up the other towel, revealing hair remover, shaving gel, & razor.

"Now spread your legs..."

Follow up

Since my last post, DH and I have talked at last a few minutes every day. Not about what happened, but nice pleasant conversations, even some teasing about how couples need a little fighting every now and again so they can enjoy the making up. Humph, maybe... Not. I prefer all the fun without the agony.

PMS of this magnitude is rare for me. Normally, I have swollen achy boobs and one little 'bitchy' outburst, and about 10 seconds into into it my thoughts are, "Whoa, where is this coming from? Wait, what day is it? How many days since/'til...? Ah, okay, it's that time, I can handle this." And that's it, I'm back to normal emotionally. And, other than having an unusual amount of family togetherness over the holidays, the only difference between this month and others was not taking my vitamins/minerals/herbs regularly.

DH gives me a hard time about taking all 'those pills,' but maybe this will help convince him that they are a good thing. In case anyone's interested, along with the Cosco/Kirkland daily vitamin/mineral pack, I regularly take Fish Oil (cholesterol), Evening Primrose Oil (women's health), Cinnamon (blood sugar), Magnesium (reduces bloating, anxiety, cramping), Zinc (sex hormone regulation) , Cranberry (urinary tract), Vitamin D (energy), & Nature's Answer Female Complex. If you search these on line, you will find those who support there usage, and those who don't. All I know is that I feel better when I take these regularly. (A side note on the cranberry -- 2 years ago I had a bladder infection that spread to my right kidney; it was some of the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. One second I was okay, the next I was doubled over, sobbing in pain. I spent a week on heavy duty antibiotics as the strain was resistant. And I've taken cranberry supplements ever since and have not had even the slightest hint of a UTI since. I highly recommend it to anyone who has UTI issues.)

This is my mass thank you to everyone who took the time to comment with support & advice. It is all greatly appreciated.

I do plan to have a little talk with DH. I was hoping to do it today on the drive home from the airport (assuming I could've convinced the kids to stay home). But, due to nasty weather, all flights in were cancelled, so DH is in Texas one more night. I'll try again tomorrow, again depending on whether the kids are with or not.

I'll be sure to let you all know how it went :)

I can be such a...

... moron, idiot, you know what... and it's just so stupid that I behave this way; I'm certainly more than old enough to know better.

You get the idea, right? No? Maybe these lyrics will add a little insight:

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

What brings all this on ~~

Well, after that wonderful welcome to the new year DH and I enjoyed, there was no further sexy, romantic, whatever action all weekend. And much as I would like to be able to blame this at least a little bit on DH, nope, can't, all me.

And my hormones.

Yep, PMSing big time this month and it's because I neglected to keep to my regular schedule of taking vitamins & supplements, the ones that DH constantly questions me about, during the holidays. It's pretty easy on workdays ~~ I put all the pills into a little container & take them with me. When I get to work, I have something to eat & take half the pills, then when I have lunch, I have the other half. When I'm home all day, & my schedule is not so set, I tend to forget to set them out or if I do set them out, I forget to take them.

So, consequently, my hormones were overactive & every little thing DH said or did turned into a big irritation or hurt ~~ completely blown out of proportion by my PMS pickled brain. I was cranky, irritable and weepy ~~ not only can I not stand me this way, neither can DH.

• DH made a comment about how on earth did I manage to end up with a guy like him ~~ I heard "how did a loser like you end up with a great guy like me" ~~ what he meant was he was amazed that such a great person (me) would have chosen a messed up guy like him.
• 
  
• He watched a porno of large women (lucky for me he likes women with a little extra padding) & mentioned that one of the women was similar in build to me & that I should take a look ~~ all I could feel was horrified because I don't want to 'see' what he thinks is my size (I know I'm bigger than I should be, but seeing someone else that size is different than seeing yourself in the mirror).
• 
  
• DH goes out by himself on Fridays, & this past one was no exception. I was still up, in bed, when he came home around 2:30am (computering and barking dog contributing to the situation). He didn't come up stairs 'til around 3. Then seemed to me to be complaining that I didn't come downstairs & keep him company while he ate. Then said, "If I'd known you were going to be up this late, I would have had you come out with me." OK, this was a double-sided comment ~~ on one side it seems like a compliment because he wanted me with him; on the other side, it seems like a complaint about my staying up so late. Guess which way I took it?
• 
  
• We spent all day Saturday running errands and doing chores. No lovey dovey stuff at all. And then, when we went shopping, he stated that I was not to spend over $100 ~~ I spent $56. His reaction ~~ what did I spend $56 on; there wasn't alot in the cart. Agh. I had refused to buy the girls some treats they wanted, denied myself, just got the necessities needed to get us through the week, came in way under what his stated max was, & I got criticism. Yeah, that really puts me in the mood...
• 
  

I just started shutting down, my typical reaction when I'm feeling stressed, unloved, uncared for.

So we didn't go out Saturday. I took a shower & while I was in, DH came into the bathroom asking if I wanted him to join me. My response: I don't care, if you want to. And it went downhill from there, with DH asking if we were going to do anything, I said I wasn't in the mood, "What's wrong with you?" said peevishly with absolutely no concern or caring in his tone, "Just not in the mood." This is where I can start pinning some responsibility on DH.

No more talking that night ~~ DH watched TV, I read and listened to my iPod, as far to my side of the bed as I could get without falling off. Pretty much silence most of Sunday, as well. Until DH came storming into the room, blasting me with "What the hell is wrong with you?" Ooh, yeah, way to make me feel safe for opening up & explaining the whole PMS thing. And then, when I did try to say something, not necessarily as nicely as I could have, admittedly, he told me to shut up. Can. Not. Win. That ended any effort at civility for Sunday.

Now, I did kiss DH good bye Monday morning ~~ he was off to Mexico, & I just couldn't let him go without doing that. And we've talked every day ~~ nothing about our tiff or anything lovey or romantic, but not nasty either.

Happy Happy New Year!

Hi Everyone. Good morning and Happy New Year! Hope you welcomed the new year in just the way you wanted.

Things have been pretty quiet around here. We survived spending five l-o-n-g days together as a family over Christmas -- we're not used to spending so much time with each other. Then back to work for a few days, and now another four days together.

DH and I went out last night. No big New Year's party, just one of the places we like to go, a pub/restaurant with good food and good drinks. And because they don't have a New Year's special, it was not very crowded or noisy. It was really pleasant. We ate, had a couple of drinks, chatted with people, and counted down to midnight. DH kissed my soundly and got a few breast squeezes in too :D

I had planned for some 'outrageous' fun last night, but truthfully, I was too tired after working all day, shopping, and taking care of the kids before we went out. I get a daily horoscope for couples and this is what it said for yesterday:

You and your honey can look forward to sharing a lot of adventures in the coming year. Get yourself off on the right foot by trying something a little bit outrageous tonight.

At the store I bought whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce (DH's favorite) and ice cream (DH likes Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra -- ok, I like it too). I was thinking we could get a neat sheet out in our bedroom and have some food fun. But by the time we got home, it was just going to be too much. Maybe tonight or tomorrow or Saturday...

Not that we didn't have fun last night... We snuggled and touched and kissed. I went down on DH, sucking and licking and nibbling while he wrapped his fist in my hair. Then he went down on me, telling me I 'had' to come from his tongue -- something I find difficult to do. But I did it :D And it didn't take too long, either. Felt so so good. Then some more attention to DH, this time kneeling in front of him.

Before too long, DH had me kneeling on the bed and he quickly entered and thrusted hard and fast bringing me to orgasm. Then he moved me onto my side, with one leg raised -- I came again. Now on my back for a bit, 'til DH wanted me back on all fours for anal.

Oh. My. God. He just moved slowly and gently back and forth, then stood still while I did the movement -- I can't move myself fast enough or hard enough to come, but it kept me right on the edge for what seemed like forever. I kept my face buried in the pillow, fists clenching blankets and pillows as the feelings just built and built and hovered right there at the incredibly exquisite point -- you know the one, where you're so so very close that the slightest movement harder and/or faster is all it will take to tip you over the edge. I could feel the pressure building in my pussy...

The whole time DH is telling me how much he loves my ass, loves to fuck it, that he'll fuck me all night 'til dawn if that's what I want... Then he's telling me to say how much I love his cock and being fucked by him --- I can hardly breathe and think, the sensations are so all consuming, let alone string words together in coherent sentences, but I apparently managed to get enough words out to please him. Finally, he gave a few hard fast thrusts and I was able to orgasm, screaming into the pillow. Then back to the slow and steady movements, guiding me back and forth with his hands on my hips. With the pressure lessened, I could now finally say all the things he wanted to hear me say. I don't know how long this went on, but eventually I had to beg him to just fuck me hard and come. He questioned this, saying he could go on much longer. I just couldn't -- my hips and legs were feeling the strain and the pain was starting to overwhelm the pleasure. So he did, and I did, again, then just collapsed on the bed.

After clean up and some water (staying on the edge for so long, then having multiple screaming orgasms tends to leave me pretty parched), we snuggled some more, holding hands and talking a bit before drifting off to sleep.

********************************************************************

So, our new year appears to be off to a good start :D

Right now, while I'm writing here, DH is finalizing our vacation itinerary, arranging all our flights. This year we're going Down Under, going on a 12 day cruise around New Zealand then across to Australia, from Tasmania up to Sydney. I'm excited. Neither of us has ever been, but we've always wanted to. And since it will be February and bitterly cold here, the warmer weather will be so very very nice.

One of the biggest benefits of DH's travel for work (besides the fun 'welcome home' activities I often plan for him) is all the mileage he collects. He earns over 100,000 miles a year and gets free upgrades. Using the mileage for our trips really reduces the cost of these vacations -- couldn't do all this otherwise. My mom is coming out to watch the kids for us -- DH has arranged for her to fly here and back in first class ($5 per flight). I don't think she's ever flown first class in her life. I'm looking forward to enjoying first class myself for at least one leg of the trip (we fly from here to San Francisco, then to Sydney, then to Auckland; coming back it's Sydney to San Francisco, then to home).

**************************************************************

So, there's a bit of news. Now I'm off to fix some food -- as soon as the Rose Parade is over :D