Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A First

The Dreaded Bath Brush

[I borrowed this picture from Grace's blog a day in the life. I have the exact same bath brush but no way to get a picture onto the computer. Thank you, Grace.]

Had some interesting conversations with DH today, one taking place at work. Considering the topic was BDSM/spanking and whether or not we should visit a couple of clubs in the area, the conversation while at work was difficult -- I sit in a cubicle in the back corner with one immediate neighbor (we share a 'wall') and one across a narrow walkway. It was not easy to have this sort of discussion while trying to keep my voice down and choose my words carefully. But DH was insistent we needed to talk then. I'm sure my neighbors must have heard some of my side of the conversation -- I could hardly look at them later out of embarrassment.

The second conversation took place this evening -- more of the above. He's worried that visiting one of these clubs might be too tempting for him and he might be inclined to stray. I keep telling him we go in as a couple, we leave as a couple, and if at any point either of us is uncomfortable we leave and we never have to go again. I think he's confusing swinging with what these clubs offer (obviously swinging may go on among members who meet through the clubs, but it's not the reason for these clubs). Then we talked about polyamory and what that means, then would I ever go to one of these clubs without him (i.e. without his knowledge/'permission', sneaking around), would I go by myself with his ok and let someone else spank me, then what if he went by himself without telling me (sneaking around/cheating). Good grief. Then, he said we could try swinging but only if we were separated. AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This after my telling him I-don't-know-how-many-times that I am not looking for anyone else, that is not why I broached the subject of the clubs, not what I am after at all. Somewhere it has gotten twisted into his mind that clubs = orgy and he's having difficulty seeing that that doesn't appear to be the case here (mind, we've never been to either place, nor do we know anyone who has, but based on the information on their websites, this is so not the case). I'm just curious and feel this may be a way to learn from those more experienced. I can learn a lot from reading, but I'm very much a visual person and can learn a lot more through observation.

Part of this conversation was also clarifying for him what being a submissive personality means to me in terms of our relationship. Based on some of the things he said earlier, I wasn't sure he really understood about D/s. Intellectually I think he does, but emotionally perhaps not so well. And perhaps not quite so well how important it is for me to have him be dominant. He asked me how I would feel if I liked the clubs but he didn't so we never went again after a first visit -- would I be unhappy enough to leave him. My answer: Of course not. I don't need the clubs or the company of other like-minded people to be/feel submissive to him. That is between us and only us. I would, however, not be happy if there were no spankings or ways for him to be dominant and me to be submissive in our relationship. He also worries that he might ask/tell me to do something that I am extremely uncomfortable with and that I will do it just to please him. I tried to reassure him that if it were something that I felt was totally wrong I would tell him so and not do it. But, honestly, we've been together so long and know each other so well (most of the time) that I don't think he could come up with something I'd refuse. It might push my limits, make me physically, emotionally or mentally uncomfortable, but I'd expect that. [And here's where I make a little confession -- we don't have a safeword. So far he's never done anything to make me even begin to feel like I might need to use one; in fact, he usually stops long before I'd like him to. Since our spankings are erotic in nature, so far, I haven't felt like it was really warranted.]

So, finally, on to the "first" mentioned in the title (I know, I know, I get started and it all comes rambling out...)

The end of our second conversation ended with DH telling me to get out the dreaded bath brush (hence the picture at the top of this post) and spank myself with it, next to the phone, hard and loud so he could clearly hear it. Now, I have tried self-spanking, at my own instigation, and found it neither arousing nor punishing; but it is a good way to check out a new implement. But I've never had DH insist that I do something like this (and he did insist, with me questioning several times whether he was serious -- he'd never made a request like this before and I seriously thought he was kidding). I had to get out of bed, remove my robe (I wasn't sleeping in it but doing computer stuff before actually going to bed for the night), and go around to his side of the bed (all his 'toys' are in his bedside table). Once I got there, I picked the phone back up to get specifics: which implement (bath brush); panties on or off (on); how many (3 each side). I laid the receiver back down, facing me, got the bath brush out, bent over and gave myself 3 spanks to each side. But DH said not loud enough (darn panties), so I needed to do it again, louder and harder. Figuring it was the panties that muffled the sound, I pulled them down to mid thigh, bent over and did the 3 to each side again, harder, and thereby, louder than the first 6. This time DH told me he heard them, to put the brush away and to go to bed.

So here I am back in bed (sans robe, this time), with a somewhat sore backside (that brush is something else, even when wielded by me), sharing this experience, needing to get this all down while it's still fresh. DH really surprised me with this instruction -- he's never done anything like it before, and I've never mentioned anything about Dom-instructed self-spankings (although I've read about them). He had asked before if I'd ever spanked myself and I answered honestly that I had, more to try out the implement than anything else. Embarrassed as I was to spank myself at DH's command and in his hearing, it was also thrilling to have him go all Dom on me and give me a chance to be submissive -- just wish it had been in person so we could have the 'happy ending' after. And this came after he had just expressed some concerns (from earlier in this post: He also worries that he might ask/tell me to something that I am extremely uncomfortable with and that I will do it just to please him. I tried to reassure him that if it were something that I felt was totally wrong I would tell him and not do it. But, honestly, we've been together so long and know each other so well (most of the time) that I don't think he could come up with something I'd refuse. It might push my limits, make me physically, emotionally or mentally uncomfortable, but I'd expect that.) So I've definitely had some limits pushed tonight, in a totally good way. Don't know what, if anything, this means for our future, but it seems to me it's a good sign. Maybe moving beyond solely erotic spankings...?

As a final note: I know the bath brush is available in multiple stores, and is reasonably priced, but spankees, you might want to re-think a decision to buy. This puppy really stings!!! And I'm not the only one to express this painful opinion. Of course, irony of ironies, I was the one who bought this, looking at it as a pervertable from the get go... If I'd only known then what I know now :\


grace said...

Hi Robin! I don't know why I haven't been to your blog before, but, here I am now! I think I'll take a trip down archive lane and see what other goodies you have.

Sooooo, the bath brush stings huh?

*shakes head* When will we LEARN?

Although this time, I didn't buy the brush, Bossman did. Which was kind of a first for us, as he usually doesn't think of those things.

Just one note on this post. If he's worried that he might be tempted....I'd think long and hard about going to a club. Even the thought of him worrying about that makes me worried!

Just my 2 cents worth!


Robin said...

Hi Grace,
Welcome! Thanks again for letting me use your brush pic. I really enjoy your blog.

Too bad there's not a room to test pervertables before we buy :D

I'm not pushing DH -- we've got plenty of time to discuss and think and research before we make a final decision. I personally don't think it would lead him to cheat, but it's really what he thinks that matters.

Thanks again.

Dave said...


Robin said...

Hi Dave!
Let's just say the bath brush is NOT on my list of favorite implements :D

Adam's Angel said...

Robin, I've never been here before, but wow! I really really love your blog.

I wish I had more time to comment, but I'm working, so I have to be quick. I'll be back later for sure!


Robin said...

Hi Danielle,
So glad you stopped by :)
Obviously, I like your blog -- otherwise I wouldn't leave such longwinded comments :}
Hope you visit again.

john said...

We were on several events. Friends organized one and invited us to the party. Didn't go the first time but were very curious what had happened. Next time we joined the party. We met there several people, we invited to our home. It was always nice to talk and do other things with like minded people though I can't deny there have been some problems too.

Robin said...


Obviously, with the way things are between DH and me at the moment, going to a club is not a good idea.
Prior to his blow up we hadn't gone primarily because we've just been too tired to plan it all out around his travel and my general weekend exhaustion. Everything is at least an hour away, plus the financial aspect, and the kids, and it can just seem like too much.
But I haven't completely discounted it for the future. I've taken Sage Vivant's erotic personality quiz (from the book) and I am a student/bottom/escapist, so visiting a club would be right up my alley.
When I do, it will be blogged about.

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