Saturday, September 6, 2008

So, doing nothing much today. DH gets home late tonight, so he's not here to get me up and doing things. House cleaners were here yesterday, so there are no household chores except laundry. Working on bills and miscellaneous paperwork. Do have to go out an run a few errands -- stop by the bank, get OC some books for school.

Saw Google now has a reader -- spent some time last night adding feeds to that. Saw there is another feed reader in the Blogger dashboard -- imported the feeds from the Google reader to that as well. Unfortunately, not all the blog feeds I've previously subscribed to were picked up -- not sure why -- I'll have to keep trying :)

Killing time, I typed spanking into the Yahoo! search bar. Haven't done this in a while and this seemed like a perfect opportunity.

Wikipedia has some interesting entries, chiefly:

  • Erotic Spanking
  • Spanking Art Wiki
Going to each one of these leads to even more. I spent an enjoyable time just jumping from site to site, reading, reviewing, checking out even more links.

Sadly, this is the closest I've been getting lately to anything spanking related.

As mentioned before, DH and I are out of sync. We've exchanged a few emails, trying to sort it out -- we tend to communicate better when there's a little bit of space and time.

Basically, he thinks I don't find him satisfying and am pulling away, that I want more than he is willing or capable of giving. So not true. I think it's pretty clear from what I've written here that I find DH eminently satisfying, in and out of bed. Sure, sometimes I wish we would try some new or different things, mix things up a bit -- and not always at my direction. Sometimes we have disagreements, but we try to work them out civilly instead of meanly. I'm not forgetting what happened back in February, but there hasn't been an similar incident since and DH does seem to be working on his anger issues.

I fully admit there's been some withdrawing, but it's only because I'm so exhausted and stressed from work. I'm still working 9-10 hour days + several hours on the weekend and I still can't seem to get caught up -- in fact, things just seem to get worst. Ever get so stressed and worn out that you know you are on the edge, that it wouldn't take much to push you right over? Well, that's where I've been for the last couple of months. Only DH doesn't like to hear about it or see any sort of emotional outburst. So I hold it all in, but it's simmering just below the surface. And the only way to keep it from erupting is to hold myself back, keep myself a little separate. Sometimes I'm so fragile that I know that the slightest bit of TLC from him will open the floodgates. So I pull away. But I don't push him away when he approaches me -- at least I don't think I do...

Anyway, he gets home tonight. Guess we'll see how things stand then...

4 comments:

Brambleberry Blush said...

Robin~

Hold on! Pressure and stress really have a way of putting a damper on fun. Take care of yourself, you know, a long walk, a warm bath, an erotic story. That way you'll be relaxed and receptive when DH gets home. Hopefully, a chance to reconnect will bring it all together for you. Good Luck!

Robin said...

I know, I know. It's just been going on so long, with no end in sight. And I probably haven't been verbalizing to DH as well as I should. And maybe he hasn't been as aware as I hope...
Hopefully we'll both get some much needed rest and time this weekend.
Thanks for the good luck wish.
Robin

Loving Annie said...

You are working very long days. No wonder you are stressed out. Plus, you have 3 kids. I'd be frazzled too.
Sounds like a diffult situation to be in when you can't speak your mind at the time and have to hold things in.
Is DH thinking of you - or of himself ?
Without undrestanding all of the situation, my empathy anyway--

Robin said...

Annie,
Thanks for the understanding. It does get difficult sometimes -- I'm not always sure how DH is going to react when I'm emotional so I tend to just not let go. But I accepted a long time ago that this is just who he is and I either live with it or let go. It's up to him to change...
Now if work would just get better.
Robin