Monday, March 15, 2010

Questions From DH About These Things We Do

A couple of weeks ago, while out on our date night, my DH asked me a couple of questions:

  • Do I really get aroused from "these things we do" ~~ spanking, flogging, bondage, etc.?


  • Why do I get aroused from them?

Now, that first one is quick and easy to answer ~~ Absolutely, yes, I get aroused from all of the above. There is ample physical evidence to support this ~~ we both have felt how swollen and wet I get from our activities. We can easily go straight from spanking to fucking without there having been any direct stimulation of my clit or pussy, and I will quickly have multiple orgasms. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it.

The second question is much more difficult to answer. Not because I have no idea, but because finding the words that might adequately express my thoughts and feelings is not always an easy task. But I tried. Now in the spirit of full disclosure, let me just add here that I had already been flogged, spanked, cropped and caressed for about half an hour earlier that evening, and had just had a mint chocolate martini. So I was feeling warm and fuzzy, inside and out.

I started by explaining that I felt there were three components to it ~~ physical, mental, and emotional ~~ and that they were all interconnected. I tend to picture it as a type of triskele or triskelion:

Three points all joined at their bases, but also connected by the neverending circle that flows from one to the other then the next, continuously.


Emotionally ~~
  • Trust. I am trusting him to do what he will without causing irreparable damage. I am also trusting that he is truthful when he tells me that he is enjoying all this, too, and not just because I want it or because it's what he thinks I want to hear.
  • Love. Through this give-and-take, our love for each other has strengthened and deepened. I may not feel gushy feelings of love as he's actively beating my ass, but afterwords, as we're basking in the glow, yes, I feel great love for him.
  • Passion. Sharing this with him, my submission to his dominance, has increased the passion we feel for one another, in the moment, and outside of it. We have come to know and understand each other better, and that has allowed us to share even more of ourselves with each other ~~ our hopes, dreams, fantasies ~~ without repurcussion.
  • Surprise
  • Wonder
  • Amusement
  • Happiness
  • Completion
  • Caring
  • Affection
Well, I think you get the idea ~~ there are so many emotions tied into it that there's no way I could adequately list and explain each one. Just know that because of these things we do, our emotional relationship, in and out of the bedroom, has improved in all these areas.

Mentally ~~

This is a little harder, as the difference between mental and emotional, as I see them, is not always easy to explain. While there can be thoughts tied to emotions and emotions tied to thoughts, their processes aren't the same. One is feeling, the other is thinking. So this piece has to do with the actual thought processes that are involved.

The largest mental aspect for me is the whole submission thing. I'm actively choosing to give up control to my husband, at least in certain circumstances. We have taken the time to discuss our wants and needs, to express our thoughts on what we want our relationship to be, what works for us. Yes, emotions underlie all this, but we are using logic and reason to work out the details.

Physically ~~

This is perhaps the easiest part for me to explain.  There is the pain, of course. I'm being hit with all sorts of implements in all sorts of ways ~~ hard, soft, stingy, thuddy, fast, slow, rhythmic, chaotic, here, then there... And I am finding that in certain situations, pain is wonderful. But them, it doesn't stay pain. It morphs into a wave of heat, spreading out from the point of impact, and eventually suffusing my entire body. And when that heat reaches my pussy, it increases the arousal that has already been fed by the emotional and mental components.

I think a good comparison would be fireworks. The strike is the equivalent of the mortar exploding in the air. Watching, we don't know where exactly that's going to happen nor what form exactly the fireworks will take ~~ large and rapidly spreading; a dripping cascade of sparkles; red, gold, silver, blue, green, purple; up high or down low; individually or a multitude overlapping without rhythm or pattern... And the submissive or bottom, likewise, doesn't know which implement, where it will strike, nor what force will be behind the strike. But we know it's coming, we expect it. And then the fireworks appear/the pain becomes spreading heat and we are mesmerized by the experience.

And when DH gets a good rhythm going, particularly with the flogger ~~ an even pace, consistency with the force ~~ it's so very, very hypnotic, and I find myself drifting away on the sensations, floating, thoughtless... Subspace? I think so, but it really doesn't matter what I or anyone else might call it. All that matters is how it makes me feel.


Now, I don't know what anyone reading this might think or feel about what I've shared here, whether there is agreement or disagreement. But I do know that DH was moved by what I expressed to him that night. So moved in fact, that he was ready to head home right then to spend some time on these things we do.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All very well stated....very well said. Your explanations were perfect. And yes, it is a hard thing to do...putting our lifestyles along with the feelings, emotions and thoughts into recognizable and coherent words/sentences. One of the hardest things ever is to answer that question...WHY.