Limbo

Hi all.
Hasn't been anything of note to blog about. Relationship, spanking, or otherwise.
Counselling has been postponed (waiting for the insurance deductible to be met so sessions are more affordable).
We have hired a cleaning company to help with the house, and it seems to be helping with my husband's mood.
So... we're still together but somewhat in limbo. There's definitely no going back, and there's no going forward till we can go to counselling and see if things can get better. So it's just day by day, trying to get along and keeping the peace.
Of course, I've come to discover that since I been trying to 'go along to get along', he's of the opinion that everything is OK now. Didn't like it last night when I told him things aren't right yet. Did his usual curse and leave. Which is why we need counselling -- if he's not even going to listen to me and talk to me about the issues, there really is no hope.

Work is increasingly stressful. There are 3 projects happening pretty much concurrently, all major, and I am at least nominally involved with all. And the scope of one project is constantly changing and bringing up issues that directly affect my job, and no one seems to really know what to do. And the 'go live' date for the major, company-wide, change is May 1st -- the day my 2-week vacation starts. That's only 6 weeks away. And can I say, we are no where near ready. The training that corporate is providing is severely inadequate. Fortunately, there are a few of us in my facility that already know the software, but of the 4 of us, 2 of us will be gone for go live. I'm going to try to meet with the facility manager tomorrow and see if we can start some sort of on site training so that we won't be completely blind sided at go live. Of course, it'd be much better if the higher ups would just decide to postpone till June or so.

On the good side -- it's starting to feel more springlike. Actually had 50's and sun this past week. Was so wonderful to go outside.

And my baby turned 7 yesterday. Can't believe she's 7 now. Hard to believe that 7 years ago yesterday I was in pain in the hospital, struggling to bring her into the world. She was my hardest delivery, and the only one in the middle of the night. If she had been the first, she might have ended up an only :) We're having her party next month -- due to certain issues (husband) we just didn't get anything set up in time, and with Easter and Spring Break coming up, it's had to be pushed back. We did have a special meal and cake and presents for her yesterday. She was happy.

And while spanking is never far from my thoughts, there are no personal experiences to share -- and won't be for a while. Just not in a place where that is right for us now. Should I find the energy and desire, I'll try to get some past experiences written up, review stats, find general references and discussions to mention, etc. Just finding it hard to get in the right frame of mind....

March? Already?

A new month -- a new start?

We've got our first counselling session scheduled for the 11th. We have to wait til then because He (I'm sorry, but I just can't call him DH again, not just yet) is travelling for work -- Mexico this week. Then home for a week or two and then he's hardly going to be home for a while. We've decided on a minimum of 3 sessions, and then we'll assess.

It's not going to be easy, but it's necessary. He keeps telling me how sorry he is, and how much he loves me and wants me, but I still flash to how he looked and sounded and what he said just last week. He has almost a Jekyll-Hyde thing going on when he gets so angry, and he expects me to just forgive and forget. It's just not that easy for me. But I'm trying.

And if we do work this all out, I'm pretty certain spankings will continue -- he's mentioned them more than once. And then I will be back in the mindset of wanting to write about it. I'm not writing about spankings right now because it's a little emotionally painful to revisit the good spankings and sex we've had. Please bear with me -- I'll get there again.

Other news-- It's actually spring-like today, but the weather is supposed to take an icky turn the rest of this week. And he's in 80 degree Mexico. *sigh*

One of my stressors has been removed. I've been really worried about my job, about my upcoming performance review... I'm in kind of an odd position. I work far, far away from my boss, with a sort of dotted-line supervisor. I rarely even have any sort of contact with my boss, and the company has been going through a lot of big changes lately, making me worry about my future. Well, the boss sent me my review and it was much better than I expected. He had me do a self review and I struggled to find things I felt proud of accomplishing in the past year, and took the opportunity to express some of my dissatisfaction and concerns. But, apparently, he hears good things about me and my performance from others, and since he's given me goals with end dates of 12/21/08, I'm assuming there are no immediate plans to get rid of me. Now, I'm just hoping for a pay raise.

Oh, and another concern and how it would play into things -- we have a major system implementation occurring on May 1st... and guess what day my 2 week vacation starts. Yep, May 1st -- obviously planned before we knew the implementation date had changed. So I'll be working hard helping to get it all ready before we leave.

And yes, even with the recent update, we're still planning on the vacation. We've already paid for it, and I'm not sure how much of a refund we'd get if we cancelled now. Besides, we'll have two rooms -- we can always split it as girls in one and boys in the other (rather than adults/kids).

So, we're still together, still trying to work it all out. Please continue with the well wishes and good thoughts.