Robin's Red Bottom

Hello??

2011-09-04T10:19:00.001-05:00

I don't know if there's anyone out there who even checks here any more. ~sigh~ Clearly, I haven't been and it's my blog.

There just really hasn't been anything to write about, sexual/kinky or otherwise.

Still working with the same long exhausting commute. Still a wife & mother.

There has been no vacation since last year. My vacation days this year have been spent on doctor appointments and university visits (oldest daughter started last month). It's September & I only have 3 of my 15 days left. I could really use a vacation - a secluded warm peaceful beach somewhere preferably - but it's not happening unless I win the lottery.

Things with my husband are the same as always, although we have started marriage counseling. It's only been a few months, too early yet to tell if it's really happening. In the meantime, no club visits or classes, no spankings/floggings, etc. What sex we've had has been the same old-same old and I just don't feel like writing about it.

I've developed a few health issues over the last couple of years. With my difficult work schedule, I've gained a bit of weight. I was overweight to begin with & now it's worse. And this has led to problems with sleeping, among other things.

You know what happens when you're consistently only sleeping a few hours a night? Exhaustion. Depression. Anxiety. Loss of libido. Loss of interest in doing a lot of things you used to do. Irritability.

So I've had a sleep study done -- I have insomnia, apnea, & twitchy limbs. Yay for me ~extreme sarcasm~

I'm working with a sleep behaviorist for the insomnia. She's had me on stimulus control & sleep restriction since Tuesday. Basically, the bed is for sleep only (well, okay, sex too, if I, you know, actually had the energy & desire for it) & I can't go to bed until 12:30am & have to get up at 5:30am. Here it's Sunday & I'm exhausted. Constantly fighting the urge to lie down and sleep. Of course, hub doesn't like it because it's an inconvenience to him - who cares if it's for my health (ooh, I think my sleep deprivation - among other things - bitchiness is showing).

I'm still waiting to see the other doc about the apnea & treatments. I really want to be able to sleep soundly again and not wake up feeling even more tired than when I went to bed.

Anyway, there it is.

Some Pics from Vacation

2011-01-06T11:00:00.003-06:00

From The Aquarium of the Pacific, Long Beach, CA

Cabo San Lucas


Look! it's Gill (Finding Nemo)

What We Did on Our Summer Vacation ~` Days 7 - 10

2011-01-04T11:00:00.003-06:00

I know I know, finally. The vacation was only six months ago ~rolling my eyes at myself~

Day 7 ~~ Puerta Vallarta

DH decided to be civil, so after breakfast we took a taxi into the older area of town. Our youngest still wasn't feeling well and seemed slightly feverish, but we wanted to get her off the ship for a while. We spent a couple of hours just strolling along the waterfront, enjoying the artwork and window shopping. It was hot and humid, and with YC getting crankier by the moment, we decided to hire a cab to drive us around a bit so we could see a little bit more of the area before taking us back to the ship. After getting the kids settled, DH and I headed back into town for some lunch and shopping.

Later, YC had dinner in my cabin with me and watched TV while snuggling with me. While she still wasn't feeling any better, she didn't want to go to the doctor and I didn't want to push it. So I stayed in with her while once again DH headed out.

Day 8 ~~ Sea Day

About 9a.m. we were awakened by another missing person announcement from the captain. Half an hour later, another announcement ~ still not found. 10a.m. as we were going into breakfast, yet another announcement. We can see that the ship has started to turn; the captain is getting ready to retrace our route back towards Puerta Vallarta, back to where this person was last seen. Not ten minutes later, there is another announcement - this person has finally contacted the captain, all is apparently well, the ship turns back on course.

YC is still feverish and not feeling well, so after breakfast, DH and I take her to the ship's doctor. She had an upper respiratory infection and ear infection. They prescribed antibiotics, decongestant and pain/fever reducer. They don't take insurance directly, so the $200 was charged to our ship account. Insane that a 10 minute meeting and those few meds would cost that much.

I spent most of the day relaxing with YC. DH kept to himself, especially after he and the boy got into a screaming match. Spent some time watching TV with the kids before heading to dinner. YC was definitely feeling better and eating. After dinner, I gave her the medicine and tucked her into bed. The two older kids headed out to the pool and I went to adult only hot tub in the solarium. I stayed there for awhile as the heat felt really good on my aching back. When I went back to the cabin, DH was heading out. I didn't want to go out drinking and partying. After awhile, I headed out to the Promenade to have a cup of tea and read. When it got too noisy I left, hoping to find someplace else quiet and comfortable, but there was loud music and people everywhere. I did see DH in one of the clubs but decided not to join him -- after so many stressed filled days, I really didn't feel like spending time with him, and I also was not in the mood for loud crowds. I was in bed just after 1a.m. DH called to try to get me to join him. When I didn't, he stayed out 'til 3a.m.

Day 9 ~~ Sea Day

Went to breakfast with the kids - DH joined us later. Everyone was civil.

Cold, grey, cloudy day. Too cold to hang around outside. Left kids to their own devices while DH and I checked our bill with the service desk and got copies of the medical records. Bill, not including medical charges, was over $600. DH wanted to know what the kids and I had spent so much money on: $20 in the video arcade, $4 for a coffee, $10 for a mojito and tip. That was all I spent money on ~~ it was all his trips to the bars, the cigar lounge, coffees, etc. But he didn't want to believe it, even though it was all there in black and white detail. He didn't push it. He did finally buy me an anniversary present -- a very nice Guess watch with a paisley design on the face.

We all ate dinner together. I really wanted to look for more marine life, but it was just too cold to stay outside. When I got back to the cabin, DH was working on the packing. I checked on the kids to make sure they were getting all their things found and packed, too. The cruise ship line did not pay attention to what I filled out on our disembarkation form and assigned us to the 10:30a.m. group -- our flight was at 12:30 -- so we were going to have to take all our luggage off ourselves. There was no staying up late or going out, just one last stroll along the promenade and around the decks before heading to bed. We would be docked early in the morning and wanted to be off the ship before 9a.m. At least DH was finally being civil and nice.

Day 10 ~~ Vacation is over

We got up, had breakfast, and got off the ship without too much trouble. We did have an issue with the cab driver who wanted to be paid in cash even though the company took credit cards. Finally DH told him to call another driver for us -- he decided he'd rather take our credit than have a problem.

We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. Then there was a delay -- weather between California and home. We had some snacks, played games, and finally boarded and headed home. I really like flying first class :-) YC was almost 100% back to normal, but I made sure she took decongestant and pain reliever before flying and then shortly before landing to help with any pressure change pain.

Animals all seemed glad to see us. Home was still standing and everything was as we left it. Nothing to do but unpack and settle in. It was going to be back to work for DH and me in just a day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, there it is. Our 2010 summer family vacation. Kids and I actually had a pretty good time, spent a lot of time with each other, and when we needed alone time, we took it. I think the only person who didn't have a good time was DH and he did that to himself.

We had fun seeing all the different sea life -- whales, dolphins, sea lions, flying fish, turtles, fish and rays in Cabo. Cabo was beautiful in a sere harsh environment way -- I wouldn't mind going there again. I enjoyed the architecture and sculptures along the waterfront in Puerto Vallarta (a few months later, when SyFy showed Sharktopus, I recognized many of the sites in Puerto Vallarta).

Another Year Has Passed

2011-01-01T19:34:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone, the few of you who still are kind enough to stop by here, have had a great year, wonderful holidays, and will have a wonderful 2011.

Once again I find myself apologizing for not keeping up with blogging. Even after receiving Emily's comment :-)

I did finally get my computer back in mid-October. It had to be restored to factory defaults. And while I did save everything before sending it in, and everything seems to be back, it's not the same as it was, and probably never will be again. So, while I can do the basics, there is an underlying layer of frustration while working on it.

I decided to do NaNoWriMo again this year. Free time in October was spent planning, plotting, outlining and further prepping for the massive press of writing to be done in November. I did barely any other reading or writing during October, let alone blogging. Then came November 1st and I was off writing. Long story short :-p , 11 p.m. on 11-30 I validated my word count at just over 50k, winning NaNo for the first time (3rd time's the charm). I didn't complete a novel ~~ in fact, barely got into my story, & quite frankly most of it is crap ~~ but there's something about hitting a goal like that. And after taking December off, I'm feeling the urge to start writing and blogging again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Things are the usual with us. Mostly status quo, some ups, and a few downs ~~ some quite deep downs. Kids are good. We have managed to schedule a few good play days into our schedule ~~ easier since I'm at home two days a week and he can be a little flexible with his. So spankings, floggings, and wild sex do continue with some regularity.

Oldest has gotten her first college acceptance letter ~ & it includes a scholarship. We're very proud of her. We should hear from a couple of more this spring.

Son is doing pretty well ~~ except for when it comes to dealing with his dad. He's doing well enough in school, but DH never seems to be happy with it, expecting him to to get the same grades as his older sister and to have DH's same math and science abilities. Son is starting to worry about college and what if DH doesn't like his choices. DH keeps pushing him towards medical, engineering, law, etc., but son, while not awful in these areas, leans more towards creative subjects such as art, design, theatre. Son is quite a bit like me.

Youngest is growing up so fast. She's reaching that age where she doesn't look so much like a little girl anymore. She does well in school, has a best friend who she likes to hang with as much as possible and is still my snuggle buddy.

DH still travels a lot with work ~~ 1 to 2 weeks most months: Europe, North America, Central America, South America, Asia... There was talk of expanding manufacturing in Europe and moving us there, but so far not.

And me ~~ I'm still working three days in the office and two days at home. The commute is still killing me. From March until November, most of my route was congested with road work ~~ it typically took 1.5 to 2 hours to get to work or back home again. One day it took three hours to just get to work. Now that winter has arrived, my commute either direction is back down to just over an hour, unless the weather gets bad. So far I've only had one bad snow drive home that took a little over two hours. Anyway, crazy commute means by the time Friday arrives, I am completely knackered. I've been looking around for something else, since I can't afford to just quit, but there's just not much out there ~~ at least not that I can do at least reasonably well.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I promise with the next post I will finish up our vacation story ~~ and maybe even share a few pictures.

What We Did on Our Summer Vacation - Days 5 & 6

2010-09-13T22:35:00.001-05:00

First, let me say thank you to those who've commented & emailed. I still haven't managed to get my laptop fixed or replaced, and replying to comments with my phone is somewhat difficult.

Now, on to the vacation...

*Please note - if you were hoping there'd be more stories of sex & spankings, I'm sorry to disappoint, but Day 4 was it. Read on to find out why.*

Day 5 -- The day started off roughly as we were awakened at 3:15 a.m. by the Captain announcing a missing passenger. A few minutes later, another message that all was well.

We woke up for real about 7:45. DH and I wished each other Happy Anniversary (17 years). Then went up with the kids to watch our arrival into Cabo San Lucas before breakfast. Sitting was uncomfortable

After breakfast, we took a tender to shore. Someone was feeding fish by the docks - we saw lots of different types of fish, including "Gil" from "Finding Nemo."

For $10 each we got an hour long boat ride from the marina, out around Land's End, into the Pacific and back, stopping to look at wildlife (sea lions, pelicans, other birds, fish, sting rays) and landscape (arches, caves, beaches) and people enjoying the area (snorkelers, kayakers, parasailers, jet skiers). We then took a water taxi to beaches across the harbor where we had lunch and the kids played.

Once back on the ship, DH arranged for son to have a phone call with his girlfriend; girls and I headed to pools; and DH napped.

Shortly after the ship left Cabo, already later than scheduled, I heard an announcement: "Alpha alpha alpha sportsdeck." It was repeated 3-4 times, very calmly. It was obvious that something major had happened on the sportsdeck. About 15 minutes later the Captain announced that a passenger had broken her foot 'quite badly' and we would be returning to Cabo as she needed hospital care. Once she was off the ship, we continued on to Mazatlan.

I went back to our cabin to get out of my swimsuit and shower before dinner. DH was on the bed watching sports. I offered him a blowjob, but he wasn't interested. Also asked if he was coming to dinner, but he had other plans. So I changed, lotioning my sunburned areas, and he left to watch sports, drink and smoke.

It was now dinnertime, on our anniversary, and no sign of DH; I went to find the kids so I wouldn't have to eat alone. Found the girls sitting with their feet in a hot tub. No sign of the boy. Had dinner and dessert with the girls. While I was enjoying a cup of tea, the boy came in and I sat with him while he ate. We just sat for a while talking about all sorts of things while the restaurant closed around us.

On the way back to our cabin, I met up with DH and we went together to our room. Let's be clear that all free dining was now closed, and I think all the paid dining as well, so there was no possibility of an anniversary dinner. I laid down for a bit as my stomach was suddenly upset. But DH was keen on going out drinking, with or without me, so he left me lying there sick in bed and out he went. Eventually, I fell asleep.

Day 6 -- I was awakened out of a deep sleep at 2:30 a.m. by DH. He wanted to know if I wanted to come join him and his new friends in the hot tubs. I was so angry. He was obviously drunk and didn't care what I was feeling. I kept telling him no, he kept pushing; finally we hung up. I couldn't get back to sleep and was still awake sometime later when he came to the room. He turned on lights, left the bathroom door open so I could hear everything that happened in there. Then he crawled into bed, reeking of alcohol, and began to snore. I finally fell back into a restless sleep.

I was lying in bed, awake, well before 8 a.m. when the Captain announced our arrival in Mazatlan. I got up about 8:30, trying not to disturb DH, thinking I'd just go get breakfast by myself. Only he decided to get up to. I really was not in the mood.

Called the kids and told them to get ready. Youngest came over to our cabin and we were all out on the balcony. We didn't hear the older two knock at our door. They thought we left without them so headed to the restaurant on their own. DH said "Let's go" so youngest and I left, thinking he was right behind us. He wasn't.

We got to the cafe and found the other two holding a table. DH stormed in, glaring at us and sat elsewhere. I sat there while the kids got food; I was no longer hungry. DH left without a word or look. I burst into tears.

While the kids went to their cabin, I went to get a coffee and find info on Mazatlan. When I returned to our cabin, DH was just lying on the bed watching TV. I changed and went to the kids room. It was pretty clear we weren't going ashore.

Kids and I hung out by pools until lunch time. No sign of DH anywhere.

After lunch, the kids went off on their own and I headed back to the cabin. I wanted to nap, but DH was there, sleeping, on my side of the bed. I ended up on the couch, watching TV 'til I fell asleep.

I was already awake when the Captain's announcement that we were leaving Mazatlan woke DH up. With a sarcastic 'what a great day' he went out on the balcony, closing the curtains behind him. I got up, dressed, did hair and makeup; he still hadn't come back in. I went up to watch the departure and maybe see the sunset.

Had dinner with the kids again. Then went to the adult area and enjoyed the hot tub, chatting with the others there. DH walked by, and even though I tried to talk to him, he barely acknowledged me.

Around 11, discovered that the youngest wasn't feeling well. Feverish, sore throat, ear pain. I took her to the midnight buffet to try to get her to eat a little, then to my cabin where we snuggled before I tucked her into bed about 12:45.

I noticed son wasn't in the cabin and as ship-imposed curfew was 1, I went to find him. He was at the buffet. He'd had some food, done some dancing, until
His dad found him and decided to unload on him how awful and ungrateful we all are and how he (DH) never does anything wrong. Son wasn't ready to go to bed, so we went to the Promenade and just sat for a while, not really talking, until he was ready to head to head to his cabin.

I then climbed into my own empty bed.

~~ just a few more days to go

~hugs~
Robin

What We Did on Our Summer Vacation, part 2

2010-08-14T22:52:00.001-05:00

Day 3 -- Morning was unexciting. Packing, dropping off luggage at Terminal, quick drive around San Pedro, then waiting with the kids for what seemed like hours while DH returned rental car.
Did overhear one funny bit of conversation~
Son (maybe 6 years old) to father wearing pirate hat w/ Jack Sparrow hair: Dad, if you're going to be a pirate, I'm not going to be your friend.
Alright, well, we found it funny.
Once on board, it took a bit to find our cabins - it was a b-i-g ship. Kids were across the hall from us, in a smaller interior cabin. Which they all felt was grossly unfair.
Stood on deck as we set sail, just enjoying the view ~ brought back memories of being on small boats leaving that same harbor. After lunch, we explored a bit, then spent time is the pool & hot tub. After dinner, we all played video games in the arcade.
By 9:30 we were all dragging so headed to bed.
Gotta say I loved having a balcony. It was fun to leave the curtains & balcony door wide open while changing :-)

Day 4 -- We all slept in 'til about 9:30. While eating breakfast we saw sea lions floating by.
Spent more time exploring the ship. While in the Photo Gallery, I glanced out a window & saw whales. 3 or 4 of them, coming up to breathe as they swam by, the occasional fluke lift.. They were too far away for me to identify what species, but they did not have prominent dorsal fins (so NOT orcas no matter what my son might say).
While the kids went for a swim, DH & I hung out in our cabin for a bit, enjoying the view off our balcony. We even saw several dolphins.
Later, the kids & I were on the balcony and noticed several small animals at the front of the ship, but we weren't sure what they were. At first they appeared to be birds as they seemed to be flying away. But then they would dive into the water... Only we never saw them come back to the surface like you'd think a bird would. Flying fish? We went to a lower deck that was open to the outside so se could get a closer look. Yep. Flying fish. We watched for quite a while as it was interesting to see how they flew.
We also saw more sea lions floating by.
Kids eventually spent more time swimming. We hadn't seen DH since lunch ~ hours earlier. I joined the kids for awhile, then it was time to get ready for Formal Night. Had a wonderful dinner & got a few family photos taken.
After dropping the kids back at their cabin, DH & I went out for a couple of drinks before heading to our own cabin to have some fun. DH put on some porn, laid out all the implements & had me get into position, bent over the edge of the bed. He started with his hand (my favorite), then switched things up by also using the evil bathbrush, the flogger, & the leather paddle. He was rather heavy handed at times & I had to struggle not to make too much noise. Soon I was up on the bed, face pressed down into pillows to muffle my cries & moans as he pounded into me, eliciting multiple orgasms. Then more flogging & spanking as I stayed with my ass up & legs spread. DH applied & rubbed oil on my skin & lubed us both in preparation for anal. It didn't take long 'til I was moaning & screaming into the pillows again as orgasm after orgasm flashed through my body. He even reached around to rub my clit & finger my pussy, before gripping my hips tightly in his hands as he thrust harder & faster for his own release.
Sated & exhausted, we quickly cleaned up & collapsed into bed.

----------------------------------

Part 3 coming soon...

*hugs*
Robin

What We Did on Our Summer Vacation

2010-08-11T22:04:00.000-05:00

So a while back I said I would write about our family vacation, a 7-day cruise from Los Angeles (San Pedro) down to Mexico & back.

Here's a start:

Day 1 -- We flew into Orange County Friday afternoon, staying at a hotel by the Long Beach airport. That first night should have clued me in on how the entire trip would go.
After a late family dinner at one of our favorite places, I was hoping for some sex-filled quality time with DH. But there was a game he wanted to watch & a friend he wanted to go out with. By the time the game finished, I was falling asleep. So DH showered & went out.
He came back well after 2 a.m., drunk & high. Yes, I said high, as in stood in the mens bathroom with strangers smoking joints. He climbed in the bed & fell asleep. I did not sleep well.

Day 2 -- Our 15-year-old son woke us at 8 a.m. because he was bored & hungry. And then because we didn't immediately hop up & fulfill all his wishes, he had a breakdown, yelling, sulking, walking off so we couldn't find him. (It was after we got up but before we got with the kids that DH told me about being too drunk & smoking pot. I was incredibly disappointed in him).
I finally managed to 'text' our son down & we went to the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach. I love this aquarium. When we lived near there, we always had a membership.
Considering how the day had started, we all had a really good time. We saw everything, taking all the time we wanted. We held birds, touched sharks & skates & rays & sea urchins & sea hares. In one of the large tanks there was a huge grouper that seemed to be very interested in our youngest, repeatedly swimming up to & past her. At the largest tank, we got to watch divers feeding lettuce to various fish & sea creatures. Our youngest got an upside down high five from one of them.
Just a really great time. After 2-1/2 hours we were still reluctant to leave but we wanted to visit some of our old haunts, have lunch & then drive down to Huntington Beach & Laguna Beach. Later, it was back to the hotel & a late dinner at In-n-Out.
We did manage to get in a quickie before bed.

Side notes -- I'm a west coast girl ~ childhood in the east bay area of California, youth in Washington State, down to southern California after university. It always feels like coming home. The purple blooms of the jacaranda. Palm trees. Bougainvillas. Hibiscus. Ice plants along the freeways.
White stucco walls. Red tile roofs.
June gloom, which hopefully burns away for at least a few hours before the marine layer rolls back in as the day approaches its end.
Standing on cliffs or beaches staring out to sea, watching boats, ships, surfers, gulls, pelicans; hoping to see dolphins swimming by; listening to the waves crash upon rocks or shush over the sand; salty air blowing & coating skin and hair.
Even after 8 years away, I miss it horribly & always suffer homesickness even after just a short visit.
~sigh~

Someday soon I'll try to get some more posted.

P.S. Right now, I can't add pictures as they are all on my malfunctioning laptop & I am writing this on my phone. Hopefully in the not too distant future I'll be able to get some posted.

*hugs*
Robin

Just checking in...

2010-07-05T16:42:00.000-05:00

I know it looks like I've abandoned this blog, but really I haven't... Just haven't a) had much time to get on here, and b) even if I did have time I just haven't felt like I had much to share, especially not anything in line with the title of this blog.

So, what's been keeping me away, you ask? (I know you're dying with curiousity 0_o)

*There are two seasons here as far as roads are concerned ~~ winter and road work. As soon as winter ends the road work starts and screws up everything. My commute that used to take just an hour in the morning and an hour and a half in the evening now takes at least an hour and a half in the morning and two hours in the evening. I'm up at 5:30 to leave at 6:30 to hopefully get to work by 8 so I can leave at 4:30 and hopefully be home by 7. As you can see, doesn't leave a lot of time for leisure activities. And it also means most housework and errands get pushed off to the weekends, leaving little fun and/or me time then.

*Back in March I entered into a depressive period that lasted the better part of a month (if not more; the beginning and end of one of these periods is not cut in stone). DH of course took it all personally and his attitude only served to draw things out even longer. I've since come out of it and am doing fine.

*I've been having hip and back pain on and off for about a year and a half. Mentioned during my physical last fall; x-rays were taken. The message from the nurse after they were reviewed was that nothing out of the ordinary was seen but if I continued to have problems I might want to consider physical therapy (and the way she said it made me feel like I was being a hypochondriac). Well, with the increase in my commute times, the pain is more frequent and more intense. Plus, I spoke with my younger sister and she shared that she'd been going through the same thing and she had been diagnosed with degeneration at L5 and arthritis of the sacrum. So, back to the doctor. More x-rays, referral to PT and super pain reliever for bedtime. This time the message about the x-rays came from my doctor who said that the x-rays showed the same now as they did in November ~~ a mild curvature (scoliosis) to the left and mild L5-S1 narrowing, consistent with arthritic change. Too bad this wasn't made clear in November. So, anyway, along with lack of time due to long commute, lets throw in pain making me less than interested in computer and/or writing activities.

*There just have not been a lot of fun and/or play activities to write about. Between my depressive episode, his traveling for work, my aches and pains and exhaustion from work and all, we just have had a really hard time connecting enough for just regular normal vanilla sex, let alone finding time and energy for any level of play. We've averaged about once every 4 to 6 weeks... Just not enough. Although I am sitting here with a nicely sore bottom as I am writing this ;-)

So, there are a few reasons ~~ not shared as excuses, but as explanations of what's been keeping me away. In fact, I haven't even had the time and inclination to keep up on reading others' blogs ~sigh~

Twitter keeps me sane :-) And connected with the world.

*****************************

Now, at some point I do have a few things to post and share ~~

Poetry
Drawing
Vacation posts and pictures
Whatever else I can manage to come up with

Please bear with me as I work my way back to blogging.

e[lust] #10

2010-03-24T19:37:00.000-06:00

HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln

Welcome to e[lust] - The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation - Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in Public - All the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire...

Dollar Store Domme - He definitely can't elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I'm already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo? - Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in Suburbia - But pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing Abuse - I needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

15 minute phone sex
...And Orgasms On Demand
A Neighbor In Need #7
Afternoon Delight!
Casino
Desperation & Dominance
Dreams
Evening Home, Part 3
First Asleep Loses
Happy ending
I Got....
I am a keeper of secrets
I Got Fucked
I am Coming for You: A Letter to Scin
Late Night Satisfaction
Lolita's Mother
Making M Squirt
Sir ~ intro
The Hatter
The Flash Fiction Friday FAQ!
Trussed
We fucked, they applauded
Where there is a libido, there is a way
Wicked Wednesday: Idyll

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

20 Reasons Why Sex Is Good
Defining Sex
Hurt me, Pet
I Was Raped
Playing Dumb
Red Flags of an Abusive Partner, Part 2
Restrictions and Satisfaction
Someone Else's Shoes
Sex Isn't Everything
The Art of Sensual Touching-Caressing for You and Your Partner
The STI You Haven't Heard of: Molluscum contagiosum
The Suit
Vibrant Woman or Live Masturbation Sleeve
What I Don't Need

Kink & Fetish

A Little Girl's Need for Submission
Are You Done Yet?
A Reformatory Punishment
BDSM Advice Series: Floggers
Bruises
Determined to bind
His Slut
I Really Wasn't In The Mood
Impact
Pain and Healing
Questions From DH About These Things We Do
Surrender
Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction?
Tiiu Ashcraft - Fetish Artist and Beauty
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Questions From DH About These Things We Do

2010-03-15T20:37:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, while out on our date night, my DH asked me a couple of questions:

Do I really get aroused from "these things we do" ~~ spanking, flogging, bondage, etc.?

and

Why do I get aroused from them?

*************

Now, that first one is quick and easy to answer ~~ Absolutely, yes, I get aroused from all of the above. There is ample physical evidence to support this ~~ we both have felt how swollen and wet I get from our activities. We can easily go straight from spanking to fucking without there having been any direct stimulation of my clit or pussy, and I will quickly have multiple orgasms. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it.

The second question is much more difficult to answer. Not because I have no idea, but because finding the words that might adequately express my thoughts and feelings is not always an easy task. But I tried. Now in the spirit of full disclosure, let me just add here that I had already been flogged, spanked, cropped and caressed for about half an hour earlier that evening, and had just had a mint chocolate martini. So I was feeling warm and fuzzy, inside and out.

I started by explaining that I felt there were three components to it ~~ physical, mental, and emotional ~~ and that they were all interconnected. I tend to picture it as a type of triskele or triskelion:

Three points all joined at their bases, but also connected by the neverending circle that flows from one to the other then the next, continuously.

Anyway...

Emotionally ~~

Trust. I am trusting him to do what he will without causing irreparable damage. I am also trusting that he is truthful when he tells me that he is enjoying all this, too, and not just because I want it or because it's what he thinks I want to hear.
Love. Through this give-and-take, our love for each other has strengthened and deepened. I may not feel gushy feelings of love as he's actively beating my ass, but afterwords, as we're basking in the glow, yes, I feel great love for him.
Passion. Sharing this with him, my submission to his dominance, has increased the passion we feel for one another, in the moment, and outside of it. We have come to know and understand each other better, and that has allowed us to share even more of ourselves with each other ~~ our hopes, dreams, fantasies ~~ without repurcussion.
Surprise
Wonder
Amusement
Happiness
Completion
Caring
Affection

Well, I think you get the idea ~~ there are so many emotions tied into it that there's no way I could adequately list and explain each one. Just know that because of these things we do, our emotional relationship, in and out of the bedroom, has improved in all these areas.

Mentally ~~

This is a little harder, as the difference between mental and emotional, as I see them, is not always easy to explain. While there can be thoughts tied to emotions and emotions tied to thoughts, their processes aren't the same. One is feeling, the other is thinking. So this piece has to do with the actual thought processes that are involved.

The largest mental aspect for me is the whole submission thing. I'm actively choosing to give up control to my husband, at least in certain circumstances. We have taken the time to discuss our wants and needs, to express our thoughts on what we want our relationship to be, what works for us. Yes, emotions underlie all this, but we are using logic and reason to work out the details.

Physically ~~

This is perhaps the easiest part for me to explain. There is the pain, of course. I'm being hit with all sorts of implements in all sorts of ways ~~ hard, soft, stingy, thuddy, fast, slow, rhythmic, chaotic, here, then there... And I am finding that in certain situations, pain is wonderful. But them, it doesn't stay pain. It morphs into a wave of heat, spreading out from the point of impact, and eventually suffusing my entire body. And when that heat reaches my pussy, it increases the arousal that has already been fed by the emotional and mental components.

I think a good comparison would be fireworks. The strike is the equivalent of the mortar exploding in the air. Watching, we don't know where exactly that's going to happen nor what form exactly the fireworks will take ~~ large and rapidly spreading; a dripping cascade of sparkles; red, gold, silver, blue, green, purple; up high or down low; individually or a multitude overlapping without rhythm or pattern... And the submissive or bottom, likewise, doesn't know which implement, where it will strike, nor what force will be behind the strike. But we know it's coming, we expect it. And then the fireworks appear/the pain becomes spreading heat and we are mesmerized by the experience.

And when DH gets a good rhythm going, particularly with the flogger ~~ an even pace, consistency with the force ~~ it's so very, very hypnotic, and I find myself drifting away on the sensations, floating, thoughtless... Subspace? I think so, but it really doesn't matter what I or anyone else might call it. All that matters is how it makes me feel.

*************************

Now, I don't know what anyone reading this might think or feel about what I've shared here, whether there is agreement or disagreement. But I do know that DH was moved by what I expressed to him that night. So moved in fact, that he was ready to head home right then to spend some time on these things we do.

Making Up is Fun to do...

2010-02-10T23:12:00.000-06:00

All this happened way back on the 16th.

We started the morning with a very enjoyable quickie before getting up and having at the day. We had thought about going to the club but by the time the evening rolled around I was just too darn tired for the long drive there and back (DH got a chance to nap while I didn't as I was too busy taking care of kids and stuff). We did decide to go out locally, so we showered and dressed ~~ I did leave my panties off, something I've been doing a lot lately.

We have just a few places we like to hang out. The one we chose this night was not too far and we knew it to have good food, good drinks and a comfortable atmosphere. DH decided he'd be the designated driver instead of having to worry about getting a taxi, so while he just had soda and water, I enjoyed a flight of 3 mini martinis. They were very good and it was easy to space them out over the course of our evening. The restaurant menu had recently been revamped. Oh my, some of those appetizers were so good, I almost want to describe them as orgasmic the blending of flavors was soooo good.

We didn't stay out too long. It was just about midnight when we got home ~ I was seriously yawning the whole drive home. While DH made sure the house was locked up for the night, I headed upstairs to change. I got only my socks and pants off before DH entered the bathroom. He enjoyed the view of my bare bottom peeking out from under my shirt so much that he bent me over the counter and started in with a hand spanking right then and there. After just a few spanks, he pressed his already hard cock up against me.

"See, I do like spanking you." I moaned and wiggled against him in agreement.

A few more hand spanks and caresses and he reached for one of the wooden hairbrushes. They were both originally bought for spanking purposes, but have more often been used for hairbrushing. A few swats with that, then he turned and saw the evil bath brush by the tub. I cringed and pleaded a little ~~ that thing really stings.

But you know what? DH has been paying attention and learning. It used to be that spankings felt more punishing than erotic as he would attack my bottom and whale away at me with full force. Not something I could take for too long, nor fully enjoy. I don't know if he's been reading or watching videos or what, but his methods have clearly changed. He tempered the blows but increased the total area covered. I know I much prefer sighing and moaning in arousal and pleasure than shrieking in agony.

Something else happened during this spanking that has never happened before ~~ bleeding. Not a lot, just a lot of little bloody speckles all over. It didn't feel any different and neither of us freaked out over it, just noted it in an 'oh, well, that's new' way and continued with what we were doing. In retrospect, I think if I had reacted all squeed out by it, that then DH might have freaked.

It was interesting being bent over the counter facing the mirror. I could watch DH as he planned and delivered each blow ~~ something I've never been able to do before. I'm sure he was watching me and my reactions as well.

After a bit of this, we moved into the bedroom where I was blindfolded and my hands were bound behind my back. DH had me bend over the side of the bed and wait while he got everything ready. I don't know exactly what implements he used on me... I know for sure his hand and the flogger, and I think maybe the crop... But I was sinking further into subspace with each blow. There was a definite hypnotic quality to it. I'd feel the sting or thud, then follow the pain as it morphed into heat and sank into my body. I was aware of, could feel my swollen dripping wet arousal ~~ for a while. Then I was just lost in the hypnotic repeat of pain then heat, pain then heat...

Through the haze, I heard DH moving things around, getting things ready for the next stage by putting the throe down in front of the fireplace.

Coming back over to me, he told me to stand. I need his help as I was feeling kind of fuzzy and dizzy. I helped me and guided me to the throe then instructed me to kneel. As soon as I was settled, he guided his hard cock into my waiting mouth. He kept me blindfolded the entire time, but did at some point loose my hands, although I was to keep them down and not use them during the blowjob.

It didn't seem too long before I was told to turn around and present myself to him ~~ on all fours, backed curved down to push up my ass, legs spread. This is his absolute favorite position to see me in.

And the fucking began. I was so aroused from everything that had already happened that it wasn't long before the first of many orgasms flooded through my body. DH rubbed massage oil into my ass and applied more hand spanks as he fucked me. I enjoyed orgasm after orgasm, moaning and screaming into the throe, feeling the force and depth of each thrust, until finally I heard his breathing change signaling that he was on the verge of his own orgasm. And I felt the liquid heat as he filled my pussy with his cum. I always smile with love and satisfaction when I feel or see him come. I love knowing that I have contributed to him feeling such pleasure.

He collapsed down next me, removing my blindfold. We just lay there for a few minutes, relaxing in the afterglow. For some reason, he still finds it hard to believe that I can orgasm that hard and that many times from intercourse when he didn't spend any time touching me or giving me an orgasm by hand or mouth beforehand. You'd think he'd have it figured out by now...

Anyway, we rested for a few minutes, then cleaned everything up and crawled into bed. I could definitely feel the heat and tenderness of my well beaten bum as I drifted off to sleep. The next morning, after a nice quickie, I checked in the mirror and there was still quite a bit of redness, some tenderness to the touch, and a little fine scabbing, but amazingly I never did develop any major marking (bruises) from that spanking.

Microfantasy Monday ~~ Books (1)

2010-02-01T11:12:00.000-06:00

Microfantasy Monday is the brainchild of Ang of Sweltering Celt.

"Robin! You get your ass up here right now!" His voice echoed through the house.

~Oh, god, what now~ I thought as I followed the audible trail of his angry muttering up the stairs and into our bedroom, where I found him standing in my closet.

"What the hell! Where did all these books come from? Look at this," waving a bookstore bag and receipt in my face, "you just bought these last week. I clearly remember telling you 'no more books', at least not without checking with me first. And I also clearly recall you agreeing to this rule, however reluctantly. Didn't you?"

Without moving my eyes from his, I slowly nodded in agreement. I did remember him telling me he didn't want me buying any more books, and that there would be 'consequences' if I did. But, while he always threatened consequences, there never were any, and after a month of no book purchases, and no questioning from him on whether I was following the rule, I just figured he had forgotten, again, and didn't really care. So, I went to the bookstore, planning just to get two books by authors I like, but instead, as usual, I found many more I just had to have. Of course, I knew better than to just leave them lying around, so I put them in my closet thinking he'd never see them there.

Apparently, I was wrong.

"These books are going back to the store. Uh uh, don't even try to say anything right now. I am so pissed. Pissed that you would go and do something I specifically told you not to. And it's so obvious you were trying to hide these from me too." He advanced towards me, forcing me to back out of the closet and into our bedroom.

He was shaking, he was so angry.

"I am too angry to deal with you now. I'm going out for a while, but when I come back, there will be a punishment for breaking the rule. You will stay here in our room until that time. And I will be checking." And with that, he stormed out.

*************************

He returned about an hour later, still angry and upset, but much calmer than when he had left.

"I've thought about this, a lot. You've said often that you'd like more of a DD aspect to our marriage. I haven't wanted to, but I feel like you've pushed me to this. I asked you to follow one simple rule ~ do not buy any books ~ and not only did you buy books but you deliberately tried to hide that from me. I honestly feel that this is the only way you will truly listen to me." He closed and locked the bedroom door, closed the curtains, and turned up the volume on the TV. "Remove all your clothes and stand in that corner."

I slowly and fearfully did as instructed. While in the corner I could hear him moving around, obviously setting things up for my punishment. I figured spanking, but with which implement, how many, how long... We'd never done this for anything but play...

"Come to the bed and lean over the side."

Sitting on the bed were not only all our standard implements, but also the books I had bought. I could hardly move... but I managed to get into position.

"I think we'll start with 10 per side with each implement, including each of the books you bought, then I'll see if I think you need more. You will stay in position and you will count out each strike. Ready..."

And with full force, he began...

Quite a Bit Going On

2010-02-01T09:35:00.000-06:00

Since DH and I have made up, there has been quite a bit going on. And to make sure I remember everything so I have something to write about here, I've taken to carrying a journal around with me and just jotting things down.

1-18-10 (noted on):

I asked DH if he'd like to try fisting me sometime. He's definitely interested. Not sure when we'll actually try. (There was a surprise attempt; plan to write it up later)
Rope play ~~ he's expressed an interest in trying this (maybe it was the pictures at the BDSM club ~~ I noticed him really looking at them). Told him a local online friend would be happy to demonstrate on me :-) Also told him about a couple of websites he/we could check out.
While waiting at the orthodontist, read an interesting article in Newsweek. The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage by Theodore B. Olson. Very interesting and well written. It's refreshing to see an acknowledged conservative calmly and rationally refute all the irrational conservative arguments against it. In case you can't tell, I'm all for gay marriage. Actually people in any sort of committed loving consensual relationship should be allowed to have the legal recognition that a marriage certificate brings, even if they don't have one ~~ gay, straight, poly, etc. ~~ health care coverage, tax breaks, recognition as family during emergencies, and so on. The world needs more love, in all it's many permutations, and not more intolerance and downright hate. My great uncle is gay ~~ I remember meeting him and his partner as a young child then again as a teen and nobody every treated it as odd. I had gay, lesbian, and bi- friends in college ~~ dormmates and roommates. I never felt uncomfortable around them or felt that there was anything 'wrong' with them. Sure, some I liked better than others, but you can say that about anybody, regardless of sexual orientation. This is a big reason I left the religion I grew up in ~~ very upset by their very public opposition to gay marriage.

Wednesday 01-20-10:

I woke up on the 20th with an extremely painful left eye. Upper and lower lids were swollen, eye itself felt hot, burning, scratchy. There was constant pain, running, extreme light sensitivity. And it also affected my right eye, making doing anything at all extremely difficult. (Did you know that tear ducts drain into nasal passages? Me neither. Until along with the runny left eye, I had a runny left nostril). Oh, and to top it off, although I am right-handed, I am left-eyed, so my poor, less good, right eye was having to do all the work ~~ it was not happy. And funny thing, I actually had a dream about my eye hurting, and I got up, went into the bathroom and was pulling balls of lint out of my eye :-/

DH stayed home with me. Took YC to school then took me to the doctor. Doctor took a look at my eye, said she didn't have the necessary equipment to really look at it and made me an appointment with and ophthalmologist later that day. Between appointments, DH needed to stop by the office and then we went to lunch. During the drive, I glanced over at DH to find him grinning. Here's what he was thinking:

What if I get any eyepatch?
I would look like a pirate...
I could dress up like a pirate... (he then commented, "Too bad I'm not more submissive. You could be a pirate queen...)
Thoughts of me dressed in my maid costume...
Leading to thoughts of what he likes to do to me when I'm a 'maid'

Finally saw the ophthalmologist. My eye was feeling much better at this point, but still obviously not normal. He took a look, removed some fibers and found that I had an infected scratch over my iris, kind of close to the pupil. I have no idea how this happened ~~ injuries of this sort are most commonly seen with contact wearers and I don't wear contacts. I was given antibiotic eye drops and sent on my way.

Thursday it was better, but still too bad for me to make the long drive into work. I worked a little bit from home, but was so exhausted and maybe slightly feverish that I spent most of the day napping and resting. That night, DH and I held hands and snuggled a bit while watching TV. When I turned onto my left side to sleep, his hand drifted to my bottom and rested there. I reached back to continue holding hands and he told me he was happy holding my butt. So, lots of loving touches, but I was just too tired and sick for sex ~~ and he didn't push. However, when I thanked him for taking such good care of me, he told me I owe him a blowjob. :-D

Friday I went into work. My eye was better, but still red and the upper lid was still a little swollen. It was really freaking my boss out ~~ he told me he couldn't even look at it, had to make sure he was looking at my other eye when talking to me.

Saturday was filled with errands ~~ car needed service, needed to pick up prescription and get drops to soothe my poor overworked right eye (while at Walgreen's, son managed to drop a spill a gallon of tea on the floor). Then it was nap time to rest up for our night out (which deserves a post of it's own).

Sunday was a day of rest, especially resting and recovering from the night before. The biggest thing of the day was a conference call with my sister and youngest brother ~~ our dad left everything to us in an FLP, with the oldest brother as GM. We think he's been less than honest in his dealings and when we politely asked him for more details, he threw a tantrum and said he wanted out. So now we're trying to come up with a plan that is fair for everyone, and he just keeps pushing and asking for way more than his share is worth. It's frustrating. We don't want to get attorneys involved, but we may have to. And he's the one who will lose everything if we have to do that as he relies solely on the family business for his income while all the rest of us have jobs and just enjoy getting a little extra money during the year.

This past week, I worked everyday, my eye is almost 100% again (just seems to tire easy and my poor overworked right eye does, too), and DH's mother, father, and youngest sister arrived Thursday for a week-long stay.

I hope to get at least one other post up this week....

How things are now

2010-01-30T12:06:00.000-06:00

DH and I have I think worked this out. There is no doubt that he overreacts and exaggerates but he is not physically violent, did not call me names (although he has in the past) nor threaten me with any harm other than the potential for separating.

Analyst that I am *grin*, I did some calculations. DH and I have an 'upset' every few months. They usually last for 4-5 days at the most. So figure maybe a month per year when we aren't getting along ~~ this still means that more than 90% of the time we are getting along swimmingly

Of course, while we're in the midst of it, it does seem like the end, and I do use this blog to let feelings out... Sorry for any worries or concerns I caused any of you.

After a few days of not talking except for what was necessary to take care of home and children, late last Friday while in bed watching TV before sleep, we talked it out. He turned to me and expressed that he wanted to get this worked out before he left on his business trip because he didn't want to leave with things still unresolved between us (plus he wanted to have some good make up sex ).

So...

He took a little thing I did out of friendship and instead of immediately asking me about it, let it stew and build in his mind until it was a H-U-G-E issue. And then he erupted. Yelled, screamed, said all sorts of things, and then shut himself off from me. Then he was apparently just waiting for me to apologize...

Thing is, I did apologize during the heated discussion ~~ only he was so worked up, he didn't hear me, at all. Also, my apology was not for what I had done (as there was nothing intrinsically wrong with that), but for not thinking beforehand about how he might feel about it and for the fact that my actions hurt his feelings. I was truly sorry for that.

What it comes down to at the most basic level is that we just do not communicate the same (you'd think we'd have it down after all these years). I prefer to be addressed directly. If you have a concern or have a question, I don't always understand what you're going for if you express it indirectly.

Example: DH says, "That person sure flirts a lot, don't they." I answer, "Yes, they do." What he's really asking is, "This person flirts a lot. Do they flirt with you? Do you flirt back?" And I was in trouble for not recognizing the unsaid portion of his question *rolling eyes*

Turns out, he also likes to hear the little details of my interactions, in real life and on-line. Where I'm going, where I've been, who I've talked to, who's talked to me, what we've talked about, etc. And when I don't share and he sees/hears/reads, etc. something I've been up to that I didn't tell him directly, he starts feeling like I'm hiding things from him. Even though I'm not. It's just that some interactions are so brief, and such a small portion of my day, that, while they are important to me, I just don't ever think that they are important enough to always share. Sure, he likes to share details with me about things that happen on his nights out (where he goes, who he talks with, what they talk about, etc.), but I don't ask him to, and quite frankly, I don't really need to hear about it. But, he feels better if he shares, and he also feels that if someone brings it up later and he's already told me about it, I won't feel blindsided.

So, he holds all his worries in until they just erupt and then he says crazy things that he doesn't really mean just to hurt me, but because of my nature, I believe, and then I go a little crazy, too, worrying about my future and our family's future. I've explained this to him, telling him that things would go much better if the moment he finds something that disturbs him, he would just come to me and calmly state the situation, then really listen while I respond. I'm not saying we'd never have disagreements or upsets, but things could definitely be handled better.

I know people have expressed concerns that they see characteristics in how I've described DH that are commonly seen in abusive, controlling people. Possibly... But I'm sure people also see signs of neuroses, depression and all sorts of other things in me, just from what I've written. But these possible characteristics are only a small part of the whole ~~ and most people have small bits of such 'negative' traits in them, they just keep them controlled or hidden so that they rarely if ever appear. And when they do appear, they are only evident for a short while, then get pushed down again. EVERYONE has issues ~~ some people just handle them better.

Also, I happen to like a little bit of possessiveness and control (hellooo, submissive here ). It makes me feel secure and safe to know that he loves and cares for me so much. And a little rule like communicating/sharing more with him is definitely doable. We spent so many years where we just lived in the same house, when we lived constantly with doubts about our feelings for each other, with no passion, that I can live with the occasional upset ~~ especially when the outcome is that we understand one another better and become closer.

As a closing note, things have been VERY good since we made up. There has been sexting, sexy phone calls, sexy emails, flowers out of the blue, intense D/s activity, lots and lots of sex, and of course TALKING.

Grace

2010-01-15T19:10:00.000-06:00

Grace of a day in the life received some very scary news today. She had a biopsy and the results are positive for breast cancer.

Grace and her family need all the prayers and good thoughts we can give them.

~hugs~

Robin

2010-01-06T17:11:00.000-06:00

So we survived the holidays. So many days of forced togetherness, as a couple and a family, has been known to take its toll on us. But we made it.

Until I did something, again, that I did out of friendship and niceness, that has angered DH, again.

I have no idea where things go from here, again.

It's clear he cannot accept me as I am, and no matter what I or others say, doesn't feel I can be trusted (I feel like a broken record here, but let me state, once again, that I have NEVER cheated on him, in the real world or on line ~~ and I have never had any desire to).

I have packed up all the toys, stowing them away out of sight ~~ there's no point now at having them at hand in the bedside table.

I have looked into moving out, but I have not been financially wise over the years (just two bills each month that eat up over 1/2 my pay) nor do I make a large salary, and there is no way I can afford a place even just for me. At least not anywhere near here and there is no way I will abandon my children or pull them out of the schools and away from their friends. Our separation would be disruptive enough without all that. He has suggested doing something like Jon & Kate ~~ the kids stay put while we rotate in and out of the house ~~ but I don't see how we could financially swing that. Rent on two places plus the mortgage? How much is a week in a residence hotel...

This is just so hard. When things are good, they are very good. But then something happens (usually something that seems small to me) and he just loses it. Not physically or violently, but emotionally and mentally. He closes himself off, letting his thoughts run wild and it all festers until it comes exploding out. I've learned that fighting back doesn't help ~~ and I don't like the person I become, the things I say and do when I react to his anger with more anger. It just leads to things getting even more out of control. So I back off, withdraw, give him his space, let him say what he needs to say, only responding to direct questions or to call him out on his exaggerations.

Eventually we get past it, at least on the surface, but each time it gets harder and harder, the wounds are reopened and deepened and don't seem to completely heal. And I relax, start feeling secure in our relationship, then I do something, again.

And sometimes, the information I get from him is conflicting. He tells me it's okay to meet people, but when I start to I'm told 'no not them' or that it's okay only in certain circumstances. I wanted to do NaNoWriMo this year. I went to a couple of group meetings, but was given the 3rd degree each time. He tells me he loves my creativity and that if I want to write I should, but then when I try to take the time to write he gets upset that I am taking the time. So something is okay, until he feels threatened by it, then instead of calmly and clearly stating his change of mind he loses it. Definitely makes things difficult and increases tensions.

I know you get only one side here. Please don't think he's a bad man. He works hard to support us financially, he does cooking and housework, he's intelligent and can be very fun to be with. He tries his best to do what is right for his family.

And, in case you hadn't figured it out, I am not perfect. I am not a good cook and prefer not to cook at all unless I have to. I am not a good housekeeper (although when I was a SAHM I was better) ~~ there are always other things I would rather be doing than cleaning house. I am a bit of a pack rat, but try to keep my stuff in only a few mostly out of sight locations (I am getting better with this, going through things every few months and tossing LOTS, but I don't think it will ever be good enough for him). I can be selfish, unaware, closed off, lazy... I am seriously overweight, but never seem to be able to keep consistently with exercising and healthy eating (emotional and binge eater here).

What it all comes down to.... I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Just a bunch of miscellaneous stuff

2009-12-15T11:23:00.001-06:00

FetLife Contest ~~ In case you haven't heard about it yet, FetLife is having a holiday giveaway. "Have you been naughty or nice this year? We're giving away 218 presents, worth almost $25,000. Tell Santa what you want." I've looked over the list and made my 3 choices. Lots of good stuff to choose from ~~ it was hard to pick just three. The contest ends January 4, 2010, so you still have plenty of time to enter. (I can be found on there as RobinRB, but I'm not very active).

Blowjobs/deepthroating ~~ If you've been reading here a while, you may have noticed that blowjobs are very much part of our regular sex life. And while they definitely don't happen every time, they certainly occur more often than spankings or other kink.
As far as I can tell, DH is average in length and girth, with a pronounced head, but unfortunately, I have a very sensitive gag reflex. DH would love to be able to just fuck my mouth with complete abandon, but the result of that would definitely stop the fun for the evening. So, while he would love to call all the shots, guide me with my hair wrapped around his hand, the truth is that I kind of have to be the one calling the shots ~~ even when I am bound and kneeling at his feet. I like to mix up the action with sucking, licking, fast & shallow movement, slow & deep movement, random movement of my mouth around his penis, and the occasional teeth scrape (before anyone out there cringes at this, DH absolutely loves it when I do this, and in fact, I never would have thought to do it as I've read that most men do not like this, but he asked me to, so I do).
Just recently, I've tried to take him even deeper. This requires a lot of lubrication, slow breathing, and patience, on both our parts. I have noticed it becoming easier, and I swear I have been able to feel him all the way into my throat. It's an interesting feeling.
You may have noticed that sometimes we use flavored oils. This is not because we need to ~~ I think a nice clean cock is wonderful ~~ but if that's what DH wants... He's also pretty good about keeping his hair trimmed up so I'm not choking on them.
Also, DH does not care to come in my mouth. There have been times when I knew he was tired and just wanted to pleasure him, without him feeling like he needed to do anything with me. This usually consists of me giving him a full body massage and then going down on him while he lies on his back. I offer to let him just lie there, but no, when it comes to that time, he would much rather get up and pound into me. Not that I'm complaining

Lack of sensuality/eroticism during floggings ~~ So, perhaps you've seen my recent posts about flogging... and while I am greatly enjoying this new activity, something is missing.... I think DH is focusing so much on his form and aim that he sometimes forgets that this is supposed to be an erotic and arousing activity. I wish he would reach out and touch me more between strokes, or drape and drag the lashes of the flogger over my body... Obviously, something I need to talk to him about...

Safeword ~~ Now, I'm sure some of you out there are not going to be happy with this, but DH and I do not have any safeword system in place - yet. Frankly, we've never needed one. I've never felt like we reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore and needed him to stop, or at least pause for a break or adjustment. However, I ran into an issue recently during a flogging where my position was causing my calves to cramp. Before I reached the critical point, he finished up and I was able to move and the issue was fixed. But it did cause me to bring it up later that evening. We don't have any word(s) in place yet, but we will before the next spanking, flogging, or whatever.

Birthday text from my brother ~~ I know this is completely off topic, especially when compared to all of the above, but it's been bothering me for days. One of my brothers texted me for my birthday:

       him: Happy happy birthday to you from me, just imagine the singing.
               Hope you are having a great birthday really older sister
        Me: What's with the 'really'? I'm 29 (& holding) which makes me younger than you (winking smiley face)
       him:   That's right I am aging gracefully and not like a stuborn old mule

I chose not to respond to that last one, but it really bothered me. I would have that the winking smiley face would have been a good indicating that I was being silly. But even if he didn't catch that, I think his response was a little bit harsh, don't you?

Not moving out of position ~~ We don't do a lot of actual bondage. There's been the occasional time when I've been tied to the bed, and most recently the use of the collar/cuff set... but other than that, Nope. I'd like to try some, have DH learn how to do some rope bondage, see how it feels to be really bound.
But as a tool during spanking or flogging, something to keep me in place, so far, we don't need anything like that. I don't need to be restrained. I just don't seem to be one of those people who needs to be held into position. Sure, I wiggle, I may arch up or kick a foot up, but I've never actually gotten completely out of position. I don't even throw my hands back to try to protect my bottom. Don't know why ~~ I just don't. And before anyone thinks I haven't been hit hard enough, DH is not known for his warm ups or his gentle blows. There have been some incredibly painful blows, with all sorts of implements, that have left some major marks.
Now, if he wants to bind me into position, I'm not going to complain.

Fantasizing ~~ What a fun activity... when I'm masturbating or when DH is trying to get me off with his mouth or hand. But when it comes time for me to give him oral or receive a spanking or during intercourse (vaginal or anal), the ability to fantasize flies completely out the window. I am so caught up in the intense physical sensations of the moment that I can barely string two words together (unless they're 'oh, god' or 'oh, fuck' or 'fuck me' or something like those). So when DH tells me it's okay to fantasize... well, it's just not going to happen.

Pistachios commercial ~~ Has anyone seem this commercial? Now, I'll be honest, my firsthand knowledge of Dommes is non-existent, but this just didn't seem right. First of all, they "do it on command." Shouldn't it be more like they "do it with command"? Second, she's wearing a collar and I've always thought those were more of a bottom/submissive/slave thing rather than a Top/Dominant/Master thing. But with my level of knowledge, I could be way off.

And finally, just a fun commercial that makes me laugh ~~

I could see this happening in my family, how about you?

Microfantasy Monday #58

2009-12-14T22:30:00.000-06:00

Okay, not so micro or so much a fantasy as a story, but here you go...

Carl checked his watch again. With traffic the drive home was taking longer than expected, but with any luck he still wouldn't be too late. At least not as late as the last meeting.
Carl slumped down into his seat on the bus. Work had been so stressful lately, ever since the new management with their new processes and procedures had taken over. It seemed that no matter what he did, no matter how many hours he worked, he still couldn't get caught up.
Marie had been patient, so far, but he could see the stresses wearing on her as well. He rarely made it home for dinner lately, and their sex life, well, there wasn't much of one lately. He knew he missed it, missed feeling her body beneath him, missed watching her bottom twitch and redden with each spank, watching her writhe during a flogging. Carl was so tired, his dick didn't even twitch at these erotic thoughts.

As Carl entered the house, he could see the lights downstairs were dimmed. Walking into the kitchen he saw the the foil wrapped plate on the table. Marie was already upstairs, hopefully not sleeping yet, but probably in bed. Carl had no appetite so simply put the plate in the fridge then trudged upstairs.
Marie was in her robe in bed reading. She looked up as he came in.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Another stressful day?"
"Umhmm."
"Why don't you go take a shower before bed. I think it will help you relax."
Carl nodded slightly at this suggestion and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He came back into the bedroom about 15 minutes later, feeling if not truly relaxed, at least a little refreshed and ready to sleep. Until he looked at the bed. Laid out, in orderly fashion, were all their implements ~~ the leather paddle, the wood paddle, a hairbrush, the crop, even a cane.
"Whaaaa____?"
Carl stared at Marie.
"Marie... I know we haven't had any fun of this sort, heck, of any sort, in a while, but really, I just can't do this right now. I barely have the energy to crawl into bed; there's no way I can muster up enough to spank you."
"Oh, Carl, my sweet, stressed out Carl," Marie walked to him and gave him a hug. "These aren't for you to spank me, they're for me to spank you."
Carl started out of her arms and backed away.
"You've been so stressed, and you know how much a good stress relief spanking is for me when I'm so worn out by it all. I thought that perhaps you might find a stress-relief spanking good, too."
"I don't think so... You know I don't consider myself a switch..."
"This isn't about switching... this is about me trying to find some way to help the man I love destress. Please, let's just try it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and we don't ever have to try it again. Please."
Carl looked at Marie and the love and concern were clear. He had no desire to be spanked, never had, but maybe, just maybe it would help. And he knew just being willing to try would make Marie feel better.
"Alright, let's give it a try. I suppose it can't hurt to try."
They both laughed at Carl's little joke. Then he climbed on the bed, positioning himself comfortably over the pillows and waited for Marie to start.

Marie sat on the bed at Carl's side and caressed his bottom. She started slowly and gently with her hand, mixing rubbing and stroking with the spanks. As his bottom started to pink and warm, she began with the leather paddle. Marie paid close attention to Carl's reactions, making sure not to spank too hard.
"Turn your head to face me, Carl."
He did, and Marie watched as she continued with the spanking. Carl's eyes were closed, his mouth relaxed, pursing only with a slightly more painful blow. It was clear he was relaxing.

Marie started to speak softly while continuing the spanking, telling Carl how much she loved him and cared for him, how hard it was for her to see him so distressed, how much she missed being intimate with him, that she would do everything she could think of to help him, to help them, to make things better.
Carl's breath was slow and steady as he opened his teary eyes and looked at her. Slowly he reached a hand up as he turned on his side and took the paddle from her. He shifted off the pillows and guided Marie down next to him. He opened her robe and began to caress her body. Before long Carl had Marie pinned beneath him on the bed as he pounded into her. It wasn't long before Marie screamed in orgasm, and as her pussy clenched tight around his cock, he couldn't hold back any longer and came, too.

After a quick cleanup, a much less stressed Carl and satisfied Marie spooned as they drifted off to sleep.

My birthday

2009-12-10T22:49:00.000-06:00

This past Saturday, Dec 5th, was my birthday.

After a day as a family, including lunch at a favorite Indian restaurant with special gulab jamun for dessert, I took a little rest, relaxing and watching TV. DH gave me a wonderful card (and picked out cards for each of the kids to give to me) and some wireless headphones. I got a call from my mom and from my stepmom, and a text from one of my brothers (this will be discussed on another post). A former co-worker, a friend from high school and a few online friends also sent out birthday wishes online.

Just a nice day.

DH and I decided to have our date night.

I showered first. I decided to wear my steel boned corset (which I absolutely love) with black lace thong, jeans and a cardigan. Unfortunately, I had a heck of a time with with the ties and had to have DH help me with them (where's a ladies maid when you need one? *grin*).

We decided to go to our favorite place. It's a restaurant/pub with an Irish theme. Really nice place, great food, good drinks, reasonable prices. We were able to find seats at the bar, DH's favorite place to sit. Since we were still pretty full from lunch we just had some appetizers ~~ they do these great steak bites that are soooo flavorful and tender..... yum. DH told the bartender that it was my birthday and she treated us to a free shot each. We were there for a few hours, enjoying the food and drinks and watching sports on the TVs. Caught the end of the Texas game...

Since both DH and I had been drinking, when we were ready to head home, we called a cab. Better to pay a few dollars for a cab then have all the legal and other stresses of a DUI (or worse).

While DH made sure the house was locked up tight, I went upstairs and undressed down to my panties. DH got himself into more comfortable clothing, and we were ready to begin.

After a few kisses and some groping, DH put the collar and cuffs on me, hands in front again. Then he blindfolded me. There is something about being pretty much at his mercy, unable to see, having my hand movements restricted. I have to trust him to maneuver me safely around the room, help me up and down, etc.

Again the throe was laid down in front of the fireplace and DH guided me over to it. Before having me get down on my knees, DH helped himself to my backside, rubbing and applying a few good spanks. Then he moved around in front of me, pushed me down to me knees and I took his cock into my mouth and began to pleasure him. I could tell from his hardness and his moans that he was very much enjoying my attentions. Then he pulled away, muttering something about 'stay there, I'll be right back.' And he was, with crop in hand. Which of course he began to apply to my ass while I continued to suck and lick him. Blows with the crop were occasionally replaced with slaps to my cheeks. Now, to be honest, I don't really care for the face slaps, and I often worry that I will react in a way that could seriously injure DH ~~ but he likes to do it...

In the middle of all this, DH growled down at me 'fantasize about whatever you want.' My mouth being rather full at the time, I couldn't respond out loud, but I couldn't possibly fantasize about anyone or anything at that time as all I was thinking about was being his completely, in whatever way he wanted me to be.

When DH was ready, he helped me up to me feet and led me to the side of the bed. It was flogging time (yay!). Tonight was ass flogging only, even though my hands were in front and my back was available. And flog he did, over and over ~~ I'm sure that just with the flogging alone we well exceeded the 43 and one to grow on called for in a birthday spanking (add in the cropping and hand spanking and we definitely did). But I wasn't counting, and if he was, it wasn't out loud.

DH is getting much better with his aim ~~ and with listening to my reactions. When a hit went awry... too high, too low, too much to the side, too much in the middle, etc.... I would utter an 'ouch' or 'ow' or 'owie' and DH would adjust his swing so as not to (hopefully) hit that area again. To be even more clear, when a flogging blow is just right, the sound I make is some sort of combination of groan/moan/exhale. DH was listening... he was learning which areas and which type of blows were good, and which weren't so good. I'm so proud of him. He really listened in the workshop when the instructor told the tops they needed to pay attention to what the bottoms were telling them ~~ he never used to listen to my suggestions or pointers.

DH continued flogging until my bottom was very red and very hot ~~ as was another area entirely *grin*. Then it was time to get up on the bed... And you know what happened next... the same thing that always happens at this point... and keeps happening while I scream in release into the bedding... and then DH reaches his release... and we collapse in a sweaty, exhausted, blissed out heap onto the bed.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It now being very late, we did only minimal clean up before collapsing into bed. We snuggled briefly before finally drifting off to sleep.

So, I had a very nice birthday with my hubby.

The 8th was his birthday. It's up to him, but I'm hoping to get his birthday spanking this weekend :-D

Monday, Monday...

2009-12-07T23:10:00.002-06:00

After an uneventful weekend, filled with errands and pain (not the good kind, but some chronic pain I've been suffering with), DH took the day off and we had a fun morning.

Now, it's been over two weeks now, so the details are a little fuzzy, but this is what I remember...

While he took YC to school, I jumped in the shower so I could be nice and clean for him. Then while he jumped in the shower, I relaxed and waited for him. I knew he had mentioned something about getting 'things' ready, but not being sure exactly what 'things' he wanted/what his plans were, I decided not to do anything (okay, there was maybe a wee bit of a 'bratting' thing going on, just to see what might happen).

But he came out of the shower in a good mood and the fun began.

Turns out DH really likes using the collar and cuffs I mentioned in the last post. So they were put on me, hands in the back initially, but then he decided to have them in front. Now, we don't have a strap that goes around the waist, as in the photo on the last post, so I can move my hands around a bit, but I know that when he's put the set on me that I am not supposed to use my hands unless he tells me to.

The throe went down in front of the fireplace, DH coated his cock with edible oil and gathering my hair in his fist, guided my mouth onto him. I licked, I sucked, I moved fast, I moved slow, I took him deep, I focused solely on the head, I lightly grated my teeth along the length of the shaft (he loves this) ~~ basically, I did everything I know he likes. And I dutifully kept my hands down and off.

When DH had enough oral attention, he helped me rise and move over to the side of the bed. It was time for DH to practice his flogging skills. And practice he did, on my back and my bottom (this was why he cuffed my hands in front ~~ access to my back). Stingy hits and thuddy ones, over and over, one side and then the other, me never knowing where or when or how the flogger would hit. For some unknown reason, on this day, I was much more sensitive to the pain of the flogging. There were quite a few times when I wasnt sure if I could handle much more, but while I was pondering, the next strike would hit and usually it wasnt as painful as the one before... so I never asked for him to stop.

There was an odd dichotomy to the experience. In the moment, I was not consciously aroused by the flogging, and there was no sensual or erotic touch intermingled with the blows (something DH needs to work on). But I did enjoy it, the sting or thud of the blow , the pain itself, then the rush of warmth through the area just hit. There was also satisfaction? Pleasure? Pride? I dont know the word(s) to use to describe what I was feeling as I stayed in the position I was placed in and took every blow from DH without more than a wiggle and maybe an "ouch" at a particularly painful blow.

It became clear how much I did enjoy the flogging when DH indicated it was time to move back to the throe so I could give him to some more oral attention. As I straightened up, I felt the moisture flow out of my pussy and coat my inner thighs. I know I get very wet when aroused, but there had been not even one touch to my labia, clit or cunt ~~ just me performing oral on DH and then being flogged by him.

After only a few moments of oral attention, DH maneuvered me back over the side of the bed, up on all fours, and he thrust into me. I was so wet, there was no need for lube. With only a few thrusts, I was coming, loudly. It was late morning, no kids were home, no reason to muffle my cries in pillows or bedding. I felt him pause as he oiled to my bottom, into my crease and around my back entrance. I fully expected there to be anal. And so did DH... Until he got to feeling sooooo good just doing what he was doing that he didn't want to hold back any longer. And he didnt. I could hear the change in his breathing, feel the faster thrusts and increased engorgement of his cock... Then I felt the heat of his come as it filled my pussy and I came again.

I collapsed down on the bed and he laid me beside me, just enjoying the moment as we caught our breath.

Too soon, it was time to get up and get dressed as we both had work to get to. But there is a promise of other week days spent in fun and games.

(note: for some reason, Blogger or something, wouldnt let me use apostrophes... If I can fix it, I will)

"Poly is not contagious"

2009-11-24T13:00:00.000-06:00

Since we went to the club, quite a bit has happened. Not all of it good at the time, but we've worked through it.

DH, even though he was interested in getting a membership to the club, was concerned that joining and attending would (not might) lead us to open up our marriage. Part of this came about because I was talking to a poly couple, who while not leaving real close by, live near enough that we could meet. And I would like to meet them ~~ not because I am looking for people to have sex with, but because I would like to have some RL friends to go along with my online ones.

So there were about 3 days of bitterness as he outlined all the things that he was absolutely sure would happen if we met poly, kinky people in real life, and I kept telling him that while it was okay for him to be concerned and that we should talk about it, I am not interested in anything but friendship and just because you meet people and enjoy their company does not mean you want to sex with them (or they with you). And as one OL friend said, "Poly is not contagious." It took him 3 days to work this all out in his mind; days where he wasn't not always nice and calm as he dwelled on his worries (blowing them all out of proportion as far as I was concerned); days full of angry, bitter, hurtful text messages, including one where he called me a not nice name which I received right as I pulled into work. Well, I dissolved in tears, texted him back, then we spoke on the phone. There was no way I was going to be able to work, so I called my boss from the parking lot, fighting back tears, and left him a message about it being a bad day and I just was not going to be able to work and was heading back home (apparently worrying them all horribly, which was so not my intention).

I got back home and crawled into bed. Along with all the emotional anguish, I could now clearly feel the build up of a migraine. And then DH called, again. But this time, he acknowledged his over reaction, that he was painting things with a certainty that was not certain ~~ that things would happen, that things would go wrong, that we and our marriage were doomed... That while there were possible risks, there was no guarantee that any of the situations he was imagining would actually happen, and as long as when we start feeling worried about things we talk about them (calmly), we would be okay. All this, along with my repeated assurances that I am not looking for anyone else (no matter how much I may fantasize about multiple partners...), straightened everything out.

After a short rest, I was horny... and the sexting began:

me: Any chance you could come home for a quick fuck before the kids get home?
DH: I love too but I was out yesterday and today I came late, took 1 hr lunch. How about tonight? Next week on Wednesday practice flogging when kids are school, I take half day off
DH: Now I am aroused
me: Can I take care of myself then?
Tonight should work.
Kids don't have school Wednesday plus MC gets his braces
me: I have my hitachi on my clit and a curved glass toy inside...
DH: Yes go for it.
DH: Now this is not fair teasing
me: Just want to keep your mind focused. You'll be raring to go tonight :)

There was a little more, but nothing racy...

DH came home, there was dinner, housework, getting the kids into bed...

Finally, our time.

First we showered so we would be nice and clean for each other. Then started to set items out. A while ago I bought an inexpensive collar and cuff set, with a strap running down from the collar that the cuffs attached to (found a pic online ~ that is not me). DH got out the flogger, the crop, a paddle, flavored edible oils, I got out the collar/cuffs and the chocolate mint oil... DH grinned out the sight of the collar/cuffs and put them on me ~~ he especially likes my hands behind my back when I go down on him.

He stood in front of the fireplace and coated his cock with chocolate mint edible oil while I carefully knelt. I sucked, and licked, and pleasured him in the way he so enjoys. Even, slowly and carefully, taking him deep into my mouth, almost into my throat, at times (this is hard for me as I have a very sensitive gag reflex). Looking up at him, I throatily stated how much I loved his chocolate mint cock. I felt him twitch at my words.

Then, when he'd had enough, he moved to the bed, telling me to stand and come to him. I did, and he had me bend over the edge while he alternately caressed and spanked me. He applied oil and rubbed up against my ass, slipping slightly into me with his rubbing thrusts. Finally, he helped me up onto the bed and with one hard thrust, filled my hungry cunt with his cock. It didn't take long 'til we were both moaning and coming.

I was ready to collapse on the bed, but he wasn't done with me yet. He picked up the flogger and went to work on my ass. Because of the collar and cuffs (my hands were still behind my back) he couldn't flog my back, so he focused on perfecting him aim on my ass. I stood there, bent over the side of the bed, his come and my juices running down my legs as he flogged me ~~ over and over again the lashes hit, sometimes stinging, sometimes thudding... It was incredible. I felt so warm, so ... content to be right where I was, at his mercy as he practiced and practiced...

Ahhh, just remembering now as I write this makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Okay, aroused and tingly too.

Once he finished, he removed the collar and cuffs, we cleaned up, then snuggled in bed as we waited for sleep to overtake us.

I slept very well, and went to work the next morning with a smile on my face and happy songs running through my head.

Being Flogged

2009-11-23T20:36:00.000-06:00

Flogging ~~ while this can evoke images of shipboard or slave punishment, the ubiquitous cat o' nine tails, strips of flesh removed from the back... I've been more interested in the erotic possibilities.

So, awhile ago, I went on line and purchased a basic leather flogger, not real expensive but not a cheap imitation either. And it's a beautiful blue...

But I couldn't get DH to use it on me, even though I set it out, more than once. I think now that it was because he didn't really know what it was or how to properly use it.

Well.... he knows how now

I touched on this in my previous post, how DH thought the only reason to go to a club was to play (cheat) with other people. But we talked, I showed him information about the club, brought up that there was this workshop on flogging coming up... And he told me to go ahead and RSVP for it. So, before either of us could chicken out, I sent in the RSVP.

And even though nervous butterflies started flitting around on Friday and DH complained about being tired on Saturday, off we went. Now, my nerves were more because I'm an extreme introvert who finds any unfamiliar social situation to be incredibly difficult, not because I was afraid we were heading into a horrible situation. DH's discomfort was because he was uncertain of what we were potentially getting into.

We arrived too late for the tour (someone thought it would take only a half hour to get there, while I thought an hour+ ~~ guess who was right). So too late for the tour, we just had a few minutes to get some water, glance in the various rooms, then head in for the workshop.

The presenters were a Master and slave who have been in the lifestyle for many years, and he in particular has been doing flogging workshops for years. They immediately put everyone at ease with their humor and casualness ~~ even DH (who initially had continued to comment on how uncomfortable he was). Although DH had to put a spin on it as he noted to me that the presenter bore a physical and vocal resemblance to my father... A little weird, but I was able to get past it...

After about a half an hour spent talking about flogging in general and passing out about 3 dozen different floggers for everyone to check out, we paired up and prepared to practice the first technique. I don't know what it is actually called, but I'll call it the Archer. The flogger stands as though they are aiming a bow and arrow, pulling the lashes taut and then releasing.

I started by just removing my shirt and bra ~~ it was mentioned that the flogger hitting the bra could cause bruising and I didn't want that. I hadn't know that undressing would be a possibility and I made extra sure DH was okay with it before I removed any clothing. It was interesting to look around and see all the variations. Some people did not remove any clothing, most men if they were going to be flogged removed only their shirts, some women removed shirts but left bras on, others stripped top only, while others left panties on, and some undressed completely. You need to understand that I am very uncomfortable with my body, being overweight and out of shape; I don't like to see myself in a mirror, in pictures or in video. But it felt perfectly naturally there, not only to strip down, but to stand there with almost no clothes on and chat with the people, male and female, who were near us.

Anyway, back to the flogging itself. DH really took to this, practicing a lot on my back. And this was a chance for me to be vocal and guiding as I let him know if his aim was too high, too low, too much to the center, too far to the edge, etc. The stance and the way you hold your elbow is critical to getting the aim just right. One of the presenters came round to help each pairing with their technique.

After making sure everybody got a chance with a presenter, it was back to the main room to learn another technique. This one calls for the flogger to face the floggee straight on, flip the flogger over their back, point the elbow towards the floggee, and swing the flogger over and down onto the floggee.

Back to our spot, where this time not only were shirt and bra off, but pants were removed as well (I did, for some reason, balk at removing my panties, even though DH suggested it). And DH flogged me some more, back and bottom, but mostly back.

There is a marked difference in the feel of the two techniques. The first is very sting-y, as it is mainly the tips of the lashes that are connecting with the skin, while the second is much more of a deep thud because it is more the length of the lashes that impact. I like the 2nd better ~~ that deep thud sinks in and becomes a spreading warmth that moves out beyond the impact area. Ooooohhhh, it felt so good. I was really sinking into it, enjoying it so much ~~ the young gentleman next to me asked if I was okay, as I just stood there taking blow after blow. Done just right, wow... What an incredible sensation.

I have to add that DH did let me try it on him ~~ once *wicked grin*. He yelped and that was the end of that. But that's okay as I can't ever see myself topping him.

Unfortunately, there wasn't time to learn any other techniques, but we're happy with what we did learn. We talked about it continuously through the rest of the evening ~~ the drive home, while eating out, before and after the movie, later in bed... My back stayed warm and tingly for hours after.

The next day, my back did get stiff and sore, but marking was minimal ~~ mostly these odd little round spots here and there.

DH ultimately had such a good time, not just with the flogging but also seeing all the undressed women and watching the different couples interact, and seeing all the equipment there, that we are probably going to get a membership. I don't know how often we'd go ~~ maybe just once a month as it is a pretty good drive to get there ~~ but it's a great chance to observe and learn new things to try, in the club or at home (mostly at home, I think).

Catching up on things

2009-11-09T19:17:00.000-06:00

Love Our Lurkers Day revisited ~~
As usual, life just took over and I've neglected to get on here and thank all the lovely people who took the time to comment and email on LOL Day (agh, almost a month ago? I think someone (me) needs to be punished )

So, here's a special big to:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know I say I write primarily for my own sake, but it gives me the warm fuzzies to know that others like to come here and read what I write.

And, I did try, a few days late, to get out there and delurk myself. I made it to a few blogs, but if you read here and you know I read your blog (I do sometimes leave comments) and I didn't pop by for LOL day... . I tried, I really did, but it just got a little overwhelming. There are so many wonderful blogs out there, and I have more on my reader than are even over on my blogroll (obviously updates are needed) and unfortunately I just couldn't make it to everyone.

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What I've ordered ~~

Went online and searched some manufacturers and various retail sites. Ultimately, I placed an order on Liberator.com . I knew for certain that I wanted a Fascinator Throe, and I found that not only do they sell their own Liberator products but items from several other manufacturers as well (Lelo, Tantus, nJoy, to name a few). And I love one-stop shopping.

So along with a blue microfiber throe (because 'things' can and do get messy when we play), I ordered a medium nJoy Pure Plug, Lelo Luna Beads, a deep rose Lelo Gigi, a green Naughtibod, and Kama Sutra Love Liquid lube. And free with my order, I'm getting a Love Artist kit (I have no idea what this consists of as I didn't check out the details). With all the research I did (umm, all the sites I looked at), the prices on Liberator.com do seem comparable with other sites, and most of their items were advertised as being on sale. Once I get my new toys, and find the time to try them out, by myself and hopefully with hubby's help, I'll try to get on here and let you know what I think.

(#)(#) * (#)(#) * (#)(#) * (#)(#)

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009 ~~

Not sure how it happened... But I ended up on this year's list! Head on over to Between My Sheets and check it out. I'm way down at #86, but I'm on there. I want to take this chance to thank Rori, all her helpers, and anyone who nominated me. I'm incredibly honored and flattered by the recognition.

Now, if I can just live up to this...

(#)(#) * (#)(#) * (#)(#) * (#)(#)

Sit down, hold on to your hats ~~

DH and I are going to check out a BDSM club.

I heard all those gasps . I'm surprised too.

We live in a far suburb of a big city. So the club isn't in our town, but in the big city. Monthly they hold a social for people who are not members but are curious and they frequently hold classes as well. So we're planning on the social and a class on flogging. We have no plans on joining the club, and we may find ourselves too uncomfortable to complete the tour or the class. But we're going to try.

This big adventure came about because of an email I sent a friend (a whiny, complaining email) that DH managed to get a hold of, plus her response. (It was some weird thing with his first gen iPhone picking up all my email accts and allowing him access to them. He's since changed to the 2nd gen iPhone and the problem seems to be gone.)

So, we talked a lot.

One of the things I had mentioned in my email was that because we live near a big city, there are all sorts of resources for exploring, understanding, taking classes, etc. But he apparently wasn't willing or interested in checking things out. Well, turns out, he thought my interest was to meet other people, perhaps to play (or more) with. Do you have any idea how many times I've told him I am not interested in that. Yes, we've talked about an open marriage, but he's not comfortable with that, and so it stays on my fantasy list. And, as I keep telling him, that is perfectly fine with me. I will follow his lead. It's what I do, good little subbie that I am (sometimes ).

I just want us to take what opportunities we can to learn about what we like and dislike and how to do things PROPERLY (DH has a tendency to make what is supposed to be an erotic spanking feel more like a discipline spanking ~~ and he won't take pointers from me). There's only so much you can learn from books, the Internet, and porn. At least that's true for me ~~ I like up close, in person, hands on learning experiences.

So, maybe I'll have some new and interesting things to share here in the near future.

What to buy?

2009-11-02T16:34:00.000-06:00

So, say you come into a little bit of extra money, not a lot, just a couple of hundred, and you want to add to your "toy" collection... What would you get?

Do I get something from Lelo? NJoy? Liberator? Eroscilator?... Vibrator? Dildo?Plug? Nipple Clamps?....

There are just so many things to choose from, that I'd like to narrow it down a bit.

I need ideas, friends. What would you recommend, what would you get for yourself? Why that particular item?

Email me or leave a comment.

Thank you.

Love Our Lurkers Day!

2009-10-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

Thanks, again, to Bonnie over at My Bottom Smarts for organizing LOL Day.

I'm guessing, hoping that I've got more than 1 reader still out there, and if so, probably a handful of lurkers... Maybe?

Anyway, if you read this blog, lurker or not, please leave me a comment today letting me know.

I sincerely appreciate everyone who reads, whether they comment or email me or not, and I want to take the chance today to say a great big

Certain Photos

2009-10-12T18:38:00.002-05:00

Microfantasy Monday ~~ Thanks to Ang over at Sweltering Celt

Lindsay saw the envelope stuck under the windshield wiper as soon as she left the store. She slowed and glanced around but didn't see anyone obviously watching her or the car.

She put the groceries in the car, removed the envelope then got in. Lindsay knew she shouldn't open the envelope ~ it probably wasn't for her as she was driving a friend's car ~ but curiosity overruled her hesitation. She examined it closely ~ there were no marks of any sort, no writing, no indication of who it was for, or who it might be from. It was just your standard Manila envelope.

Lindsay opened the envelope, tilted it, and caught the stack of photos that slid out. All were 8x10, full color, high def, close ups as well as well as ones that took in the entire scene.

And scene it was. Lindsay fought to hold back the laughter, for front and center in each photo was George, the husband of her best friend and neighbor Cindy. And George was not alone; George was enthusiastically taking part in what appeared to be a men only orgy. Well, she and Cindy had wondered about George for years, and here was the proof.

Someone had obviously recognized Cindy's car, they just hadn't realized Cindy wasn't driving it.

Lindsay knew she'd share the photos with Cindy, the only question was when ~~ before or after they fucked each other senseless.

*hugs*
Robin

Nothing good to share

2009-10-09T08:24:00.001-05:00

As you've probably noticed, once again I haven't been around for awhile.
Basically, there's been nothing good, fun, funny, exciting to write about because there's been very little good, fun, funny, or exciting going on in my life.
So I've taken the stance, to paraphrase Thumper's mother, that if I haven't got anything good to say, I just won't say anything at all.
I didn't start this blog as a place to complain and that's not what I want it to become, so for now, I'm not likely to be posting anything here.
Should circumstances change... Well, I'm not holding my breath.

*hugs*
Robin

My Son

2009-09-09T09:37:00.003-05:00

To start off, let me just clearly state that I love my son dearly. We can talk about anything under the sun, we have similar senses of humor, enjoy the same sorts of movies, TV shows, books, games, etc.

However.....

At 14 years of age, he is proving to be more and more aggravating and worrisome. He hasn't done any BIG bad things, just a little thing here, a small thing there... Not coming home when he's supposed to, not being where he said he was going to be (with friend B, not friend A, etc.), doesn't answer his phone when we call. Little things.

Then this weekend, there was a festival in town, the last big 'party' of the summer. We let him go with some friends, he came home when he was supposed to, everything seemed fine.

Until he breathed on his dad and there was the unmistakable stench of cigarette on his breath. And he lied about it, to his dad and to me. Until we clearly explained that just being near people who are smoking would not concentrate the smell on his breath but not his clothing. So he 'fessed up that he took a couple of puffs from a stranger's cigarette.

He's on restriction now (can't go to friends homes or out with friends, but they can come here, staying in our house and yard or out in the court), after being talked to by DH and I together and separately. No yelling or screaming, not even by DH, just calm talking about how dangerous such activities are, how trying one thing just to try it or attempt to fit in could lead to more and more dangerous choices, how much heartache there would be if he got involved in said activities. He was tearing up as I talked to him about how much we loved him and how hurt we would be if he tried drugs or alcohol or any other illegal and dangerous activities. That we were only doing these things because we love him.

He's not happy with the restriction. We're all prepared for the whining and complaining he's going to be putting out there until we lift it. I have told him that if his attitude gets too bad, the restriction will become a complete grounding and he will lose his phone and Internet privileges and won't be allowed to have friends over. We'll have to see how he does.

And, this brings us to today. YC was complaining about not feeling well this morning, so I wanted to take her temperature. A couple of weeks ago, I asked MC to put a thermometer in the kids bathroom ~~ guess what? Not there.

So I looked in OC's room ~~ found papers she was supposed to turn into school, but no thermometer and nothing else that shouldn't be there. And I wasn't really digging, just looked on her desk, on her bedside table, in a desk drawer.

Next stop, MC's room. And there I found MY calligraphy set with all the ink cartridges empty; MY scissors; MY desk organizing box; a bottle of dried oregano (?); knife/scissor sharpener; and the real concern ~~ MY book Breaking the Girl (which I found in the bookcase at the head of his bed).

And so you know, I do not just leave my 'special' books lying around for anyone to see, find, take. They are tucked into cases, onto shelves, behind other vanilla books. Places where they won't be easily seen or found, all in my room. And yet, he had this book in his room....

So, now all those things are sitting on the end of my bed, waiting for him to come home so I can discuss with him how inappropriate it is for a 14 year old to take things from his parents room. I know it's one of those subjects that is unequal ~~ I can search through his room, he can't search through mine ~~ but he's got to understand how wrong it is to take anything from my room, but especially to take a book like that. Aaaggghhh.

Now I can't help but wondering what else he might have stashed away in there that I didn't see. Yeah, it's going to be a wonderful afternoon.

A bit of this and that...

2009-08-26T10:54:00.003-05:00

I just discovered this week that Constance has taken all her blogs private. *sigh* I understand, I truly do, but that doesn't mean I have to like it *pouting*. I'm just saddened that I won't be able to enjoy her stories anymore... Why are there so many obnoxious, intolerant, harassing people in the world? I truly believe in just letting people live their lives as they see fit (barring criminal activity of course); if I don't like what they're doing, I don't have to harass them, I can just avoid them. I get no pleasure from making others miserable.

So, Constance and Mr. C, if you see this ~~ I hope you are both well and that I will see you around the blogosphere. *hugs*

And, if I did a better job of keeping up with my Reader, I would find these things out in a more timely manner....

***********************************************************************************

A while ago on my commute to work, I saw what appeared to be a driver getting a blowjob. No, seriously.

I was in the left hand lane, and the cars in front of me were moving to the right lane because of a slow moving pickup truck. I ended up stuck behind it as there were now too many cars in the right lane for me to move over. I drive an SUV, so had a clear view into and through the cab of the truck. At first, I could only see the driver and I wondered why he was going below the speed limit (although, it was erratic ~ he'd speed up a little, then slow down, then speed up...). Then, between the two front seats I saw a head rise ~~ it appeared to have dark curly hair pulled back in a pony tail or loose bun. It was only visible for a moment, then disappeared again. "Ah ha!" I thought. Seemed pretty obvious to me what was going on :). If I had been to either side of the truck or in front of it, or in a smaller vehicle, I would never have seen what I saw. Gave me a good grin. I hope they made it safely to where ever they were heading.

***************************************************************************

I have a chiropractor appt this afternoon and I still have some marks from Sunday night. I think they are low enough down not to visible while the massage therapist works on me... Could be interesting....

***************************************************************************

And about Sunday night ~~ I am still processing everything that happened, because along with all the lovely, wonderful, sexy, erotic, arousing, D/s activities, there was an awful lot of talking (DH) and listening (me) prior to it all, and a little tiny bit after. All that talking is still hanging over me and I'm not sure how, or even, if I can get it all out. I think my biggest fear is that if I put it all out it will be ... I can't even find the right word(s) to describe how it all makes me feel, other than pretty obviously not positive or good.

So, don't hold you breath, but I am working on getting it all written up.

*****************************************************************************

I have about 6 drafts of posts in my post list... now if I could just get them finished....

******************************************************************************

Almost forgot ~~ last night makes the 4th day in a row with some sort of sexual activity. May be a record :)

I've been tagged!

2009-08-22T18:01:00.003-05:00

My new friend Pink Poppet (http://thepinkpoppet.wordpress.com) tagged me to do a meme.

I am supposed to list ten things about myself that are true and you may not know about. Gah. Trying to come up with ten hopefully interesting things is going to be difficult.

1) I was born in Landstuhl, Germany because my dad was stationed there with the U.S. Army. Landstuhl is where the large military hospital is, you know, the one where all the soldiers injured in Iraq and Afghanistan go. When I was born there, however, it was not a big fancy hospital. Mom tells me it was an old building and she could see areas on the walls where it looked like they had tried to sandblast swastikas off. I have had repeated problems with government people questioning my citizenship because of my place of birth, even after providing them with copies of my "Report of US Citizen Born Abroad", certificate from the State Dept, and my passport. One obnoxious woman even asked me how long I'd been a citizen. With an incredulous look, I answered "since birth."

2) When I was 16 I travelled by myself to Germany and Denmark. I stayed with family friends (and their friends) in Germany, and actual family in Denmark. It was an incredible experience. And no one warned me about the beaches! We went to a small lake and some people were competely nude, and then went to a beach on the North Sea ~~ changing in to swimsuits out in the open, topless bathing... A lot for a girl from a conservative small town to take in. I stayed quite a few places in Germany ~~ Ehlershausen, Bredstedt, Kiel, Hamburg; then took the train to Copenhagen, where I stayed with cousins in a suburb. Did lots of bike riding, walking, topless laying out.... I'd love to go back someday.

3) I am the oldest of four siblings. In many ways, I am your typical oldest child, but I am so not the natural born leader first borns are so often described as. I will if I absolutely have to, but I would much rather not. My siblings are conservative Republicans and religious (Mormons) ~~ I am moderate, non-partisan, and not religious (but very spiritual). Getting together can be uncomfortable to say the least. And that's without any discussions of sex and sensuality. Although that helps explain all the repression in my life.

4) I am not a good liar. I don't even like to lie, but I will do the small white lie to make things easier (yes, I mailed that letter for you; sure I fed the fish; etc.). Therefore, do not ask a question if you do not truly want to know the answer. Especially when it comes to the good stuff ~ sexuality, politics, sports, religion, etc. I will answer politely, but I won't just tell you what you want to hear.

5) I have a Bachelor of Science in Fisheries Biology, and I haven't used it in 15 years (had one related job, shortly after college). Realized early on that any job I got with that degree would probably not be family friendly. Zoos, etc. tend to be open year-round, including holidays and weekends. Other positions can require a lot of time in the field, and possibly very odd hours. However, now that the kids are older, I've been thinking about looking into it again.

6) Although I don't 'believe' in horoscopes, etc., I do believe they can get you thinking about and examining your life. That said, I did once have my horoscope done by an online company, and it was actually a little frightening how true it was. All I gave was my first name, birthdate, birthtime, and where I was born. Haven't ever gone back and reread it ~~ maybe I should.

7) I am somewhat of a packrat and hoarder. Drives my husband nuts, and also me. I just am not good at getting things sorted through with any immediacy. So magazines and such pile up. I am trying to get better ~~ not bringing so much into the house in the first place, and trying to regularly go through what is already here, organizing and throwing away. It's a long and drawn out process.

8) I am a loner. I unfortunately do not do the friend thing very well. It's not that I don't like people, or can't be friendly, or don't want friends, or don't ever think about friends... I just, well, I'm shy so I don't put myself out there, and I get pulled in so many ways that I often just shut down with anything that requires more effort. I'll get emails, etc., and I mean to respond, but before I know it, a month or more has gone by. It's probably why I like Twitter, Facebook and Blogging so much ~~ I can be involved, knowing what's going on and sharing from my life, without the constant back and forth. It's easier to pull back and take a break. And because of the whole shyness thing, I don't do well in public situations ~~ parties and such. I can't just go by myself ~~ I usually end up in the corner by myself. It's another aspect of my life I want to change, but it's difficult (beyond the above stated reasons) ~~ I'm working on it.

9) I must have one of those faces or personalities that make people, sometimes complete strangers, feel it's okay to share private things with me. Not necessarily secret, can't share with anyone, just private and very personal. Drs telling me about patients (no names), co-workers telling me about their sex lives, strangers telling me about their labor and delivery, and so on. I don't mind, it's just ... interesting? amusing? I do feel that I am pretty empathetic/empathic and maybe people pick up on that...

10) I was 21 when I first had sex. Came close in high school, nothing even close during my first 4 years in college. I was more than ready. I knew whoever the next boyfriend was, he would be the one. He was younger, experienced, made it a wonderful experience for me, introduced my to porn (visual and written), a variety of positions, anal sex, vibrators, oral, fun sex, serious sex... Looking back, I can see he was a dominant personality. If only I had been able to figure things out then... In my fantasies, I do it all. I love sex and wish I had it more often (daily, anyone?). I want to be more adventurous, try more things.... I know I love being dominated, in and out of the bedroom. Bind me, spank me, slap me, tell me what to do, when to do it, how to do it... and I'll be one happy, happy girl.

Now, I am not going to tag anyone. Take it upon yourself to do this meme if you want to. And if my ten things created questions in your mind, please feel free to ask me (email, comment, Twitter). It may take me a while, but I will answer.

Thanks, Pink Poppet. I really had to think hard to come up with 10 things. I hope people find them interesting.

2009-07-22T13:51:00.002-05:00

A month? A whole freakin' month? What the ___? Seriously. I can't believe it.

Okay, okay, on some level I can as I am just worn out, and after spending all day working on the computer, coming home and doing more computer work doesn't exactly appeal. And the Hub can have issues with me spending any time doing anything that he feels pulls my attention away from him ~~ computer, iPhone, reading, TV (unless he also wants to watch the same thing). Of course, if he wants to do these things and ignore me, then it's ok. Anyway, to keep the peace, I tend to keep away from those activities.

But I didn't mean to do it for a whole month.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Intimacy around here, of any sort, has been pretty hit-or-miss around here lately, with it mostly being "miss" (I would definitely prefer more "hits", especially of the spanking kind). Between his travel, general stresses and kid issues, just very hard to find the energy, even if there is the desire.

We don't do "sexting" but here's a recent text:

DH: I just landed safely
Me: Ok. Fish are fed, house is locked, everyone's in bed
DH: I know we did not have sex before I left feel free to use your toy or you probably using it right now
Me: Not in the mood

In retrospective, my response should have been a little nicer, maybe including a "thank you for thinking of my needs" sort of thing... But it was late and PMS tends to shut down the niceness center of my brain.

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Our trip out to LA was really good, but definitely deserves a post of it's own. Just need to add that to the list

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Work is work. Still in the old facility. At some point I'm sure they'll ask me to start coming into corp, but not yet. I've been told they've figured out which cubicle will be mine, but it's not ready for me yet. Really not looking forward to the changes.

Kids head back to school in less than a month. Still have to get the registration done for the oldest 2. Yeah, more expenses.

OC gets her braces off next month. MC gets assessed in November, so we'll have at least a few months when we won't have to make the trek to the orthodontist.

YC lost a tooth today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The good summer TV shows have started (or are about to):

Eureka
Torchwood
Dr. Who
Monk
Psych

Primeval is about to end, darn. But Syfy has added a new show, Warehouse 13, that's looking pretty good. And Being Human, a new show, is about to start on BBC America.

MC and I tend to like the same shows, so we watch and then discuss.

Better Off Ted is a funny show on the regular networks. Even got DH to watch it. Well written, witty. I much prefer witty to slapstick and toilet humor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just finished reading "Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince." I was only halfway through when we went to see the movie. Can I just state that I was very disappointed in the movie. I understand having to leave bits out when you're translating a 600 page book for the screen, but to completely create, out of the blue, entire scenes? Really? This was necessary? I think not. Made it very difficult to watch the movie; not able to suspend disbelief until I got past the point I'd read. It was an okay movie, but so different from the book. I hope they do better with Deathly Hallows (which I am reading now).

Going to read "The Time Traveler's Wife" next, then decide if I want to see the movie. The trailers look good, but you never know.

Really want to see "The Ugly Truth". Was planning to go, by myself, this weekend. DH was supposed to still be traveling, so I could get away with it, but now he's coming home on Friday. And I honestly can't see him being willing to go see this with me. A) Not generally his type of movie; B) Gerard Butler is in it. DH has issues with me thinking Gerard Butler is attractive. He is, and I'm not the only person in the world who thinks so. And why it bothers DH so much, I don't know. It doesn't seem to bother him if I comment that I think someone else is attractive, just Gerard Butler. *sigh* And they say women are complex. So don't know when, or even if, I'll get out to see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there's a wee bit of an update. Nothing exciting, but that's just the way it is right now.

Orgasm meme from vanimp

2009-06-21T23:22:00.001-05:00

From vanimps blog http://vanillaimpaired.com/

1. What’s your favourite way to have an orgasm?
Any way I can. Seriously, it really does depend on mood and circumstances. Sometimes I want to be by myself, sometimes I want someone else involved.
2. Do you use a sex toy? Hands? or both?
Both, though not usually at the same time. At work, in the car, it's my hand. At home if I want to make it quick, again it's my hand, but if I'm looking for intense and drawn out, I'll bring out the toys. Especially the Hitachi.
3. Do you have a favourite time of day or night that you like to pleasure yourself or have sex?
My horniness has no time restraints. Sometimes it's morning, somtimes afternoon, sometimes in the middle of the night.

4. Do you feel you have different types of orgasms?
Definitely. DH usually starts things out by making sure I have a clitoral orgasm. When he goes down on me, I get internal and external attention, usually leading to at least a g-spot orgasm. And usually if we go straight to intercourse, even if I orgasm multiple times, I have to finish up with a clitoral or I don't feel completely done. Sometimes I take care of this myself, sometimes DH will.

5. Do you have a position or a technique that always guarantees an orgasm?
Nope. I can achieve it standing, sitting, on my back, on my side, on my stomach, up on all fours. Haven't tried upside, but that would probably work too.
6. Is having your clit directly stimulated pleasurable for you? What about after an orgasm?
Um, around it, Oh yes. Right on the tip, generally too intense.
My entire body is a wee bit too sensitive for me right after orgasm for me to be touched anywhere, let alone there. Give me a minute or so...
7. Do you masturbate/pleasure yourself?
Yep, frequently.

8. Has your self pleasuring repertoire/routine/technique changed or evolved over time?
Basics stay the same, but different toys, locations, desires for the session lead to different techniques.

9. Are sex toys part of your self pleasuring or with a partner? Or both?
I use toys on myself, and DH uses toys on me, and DH sometimes watches me using my toys.
10. If you enjoy using sex toys how often do you upgrade your equipment?
Infrequently, mainly due to cost. The good ones tend to be things I need to plan ahead a save for. Right now I'm pretty much on a replacement only program.
11. Whats the most intense orgasm you have ever had?
It was during anal, after I'd already come once through DH's manual manipulations, then multiple times during intercourse.
12. How often do you orgasm? Daily, more than once a day, weekly, monthly….???
Average 6-8 times a week, through masturbation and intercourse. Sometimes multiple times a day.
13. Do you regard orgasm to be a stress reliever?
Can be. Especially when it's the middle if the night and I can't sleep.
14. What happens to you after orgasm? Full of energy, a bit lala or ready to go to sleep?
Depends on how I was before the orgasm.
15. Have you ever squirted?
Yep.
16. Do you fantasize when you masturbate? Or do you just get right down to it?
Oh, yes. Although, sometimes, just reaching down and starting the touching will get things started, and then I'll start fantasizing.

17. What do you like about having an orgasm? Is it important you have an orgasm every time?
Um, what's not to like? It feels sooooooo darn good, inside and out.
If I'm masturbating, or DH is masturbating me, then yes it's important that I orgasm. During intercourse, it's fabulous if it happens, but if everything else about the sex is great, it's just the icing on the cake -- good but not necessary.

*hugs*
Robin

Getting to Know You

2009-06-18T22:33:00.002-05:00

Getting to know you (found over on Subhearts blog)

Here’s what you’re supposed to do and try not to spoil the fun. Copy this entire post and paste into a new one that you can post. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then tag anyone you want.

Be sure to link back to me too! I want to see your answers!

1. What is your occupation?
Technically, analyst, but seems more like jill-of-all-trades
2. What color are your socks right now?
Not wearing any at the moment
3. What are you listening to right now?
The Mentalist (tivo'd)
4. Can you drive a stick shift?
I think I remember how ~~ it is how I learned to drive
5. What was the last thing you ate?
pizza

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Emerald green
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My hubby (he's travelling for work, again)
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well, I don't know her personally, but I do enjoy her blog and tweets :)
9. How old are you today?
Just turned 42 and a half this month
10. Favorite drink?
Other than water? Dr. Pepper ~ regular, diet, cherry, cherry vanilla, etc.
11. What is your favorite sport to watch?
If I'm watching sports, it's not by my choice
12. Have you ever colored your hair?
Yes, frequently since college
13 What is your full name?
Now, come on, you don't really expect me to tell you that
14. Favorite food?
Hmmm, I think Mexican would have to top the list
15. Last movie you watched?
Up
16. Favorite Day of the year?
Any day I get to spend on my own, no work, no kids, no hubby, etc.
17. What do you do to vent anger?
Stew/sulk and clean house.
18. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I don't really remember a lot of toys ~~ I do remember doing a lot of building with Lincoln Logs, blocks, LEGOS...
19. What is your favorite season?

Spring and fall (I can't pick just one)
20. Hugs or kisses?
Both, both, both
21. Cherry or Blueberry?
Cherry all the way ~~ this was the one thing I craved during all 3 pregnancies
22. Do you want your friends to post back?
Only if they want to ~~ absolutely no pressure
23. Who is most likely to respond?
?
24. Who is least likely to respond?
?
26. When was the last time you cried?
Really wept ~ a while ago; got teary ~~ last week
27. What is on the floor of your closet?
OMG. Trust me, you don't really want to know (hell, I don't really want to know)
28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
Really doesn't apply as I'm not really sending this to anyone
29. Favorite smells?
Vanilla, various florals (carnation, rose, honeysuckle, frangipani, etc.), new rain, fresh mown grass, the seashore
31. Inspires You?

Anything/everything ~~ nature, people, music, the written word, art, etc.
32. What are you afraid of?
Ending up alone and destitute
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
Fully loaded (like I can get from 5 Guys)
34. Favorite car?
Whatever works, although I'm partial to SUVS and trucks as I can see farther
35. Favorite cat breed?
Any (except for maybe the hairless ones, they look so alien)
36. Number of keys on your key ring?
3
37. How many years at your current job?
5 and a half with the company, 4 in my current position
38. Favorite day of the week?
Probably Sunday, as it tends to be the most relaxed
39. How many states have you lived in?
6
40. How many countries have you lived in?
2 (but I've visited 13)

I'm not going to tag anyone ~~ just do it if you want to.

And feel free to comment or question my responses.

Just catching up...

2009-06-13T17:07:00.006-05:00

Been a lot going on lately, in my mind anyway :)

Kids are out of school, so driving me a little crazy on the days I work from home.

New kitten also drives me crazy, walking all over my computer(s) and papers, chewing on and ripping papers and cords. But he's so cute.... [Please stand by while I upload some pics from my camera and iPhone... *Jeopardy music plays*]

Adorable, isn't he? DH has named him Caesar (although sometimes it sounds like he's calling him Scissor *laugh*). And yes, that is my bare shoulder in that one shot.

**Work ~~ well, as I mentioned in my last post, is difficult. My boss was out on Tuesday, teaching me some new responsibilities, going over the past year performance (hard to do since he's only been my boss a few months, and last year's boss is gone), and coming up with goals for the rest of this year into next. It's difficult to explain all this without giving too much information... In short, the system change last year was not well implemented, particularly for my department. People apparently did not think it was too important to make sure everything was set up on time and properly. Consequently, here we are almost a year later, still struggling and so far behind that it's hard to imagine ever being caught up. But now that I know how to do a few more things, maybe, just maybe, things will get better. Also, we discussed my work schedule once I am moved to HQ ~~ I will continue with at least 2 days per week working from home, and my hours will in office will be flexible. I'm hoping it works out ~~ seems pretty apparent that they really, really don't want me to leave. DH is really pushing me to try and find something closer to home, but I do want to see how this works out. I just dread the process of finding, getting and starting a new job.

**Our anniversary ~~ We went out for a late dinner Saturday night. I semi dressed up ~~ corset with garters and stockings under a cardigan and jeans (kitty tried to help, attacking corset ties and garters). For fun, I applied edible body glitter: chest, back, backside, frontside :D (you get the idea). DH noticed while at dinner, wanting to know if I was trying to get everyone to look at my "boobs". "Only you," I replied. To which he replied that he didn't need any help noticing my boobs, or any other part of my body. Got home, snuggled and touched while waiting for the kids to head to bed. Then had all sorts of good fun. I won't bore you with the details :P

Then Monday, the actual date of our anniversary, DH called to wish me a happy anniversary after he got to work. He complained that I didn't say it to him when he left, but I was mostly asleep then. Woke up just enough to lean across the bed for our standard good-bye kiss. He brought me a card when he came home ~~ full of nice sentiment about how even when things get hard we stick together:

A happy marriage
is what happens
while two good people
are busy
trying to make it through
another year of
paying their bills,
running their errands,
doing their chores,
keeping sight of their dreams
and, somehow,
always finding the time
to show how much they care.

Our life is pretty busy,
and I may not always say
everything that comes
into my mind and heart each day,
but what really matters in my world
is that we are together,
and h0wever busy life may get,
I don't forget that... ever.

Monday was very busy and I didn't get a chance to get anything for him, so I dressed up special for him that night. Unfortunately, an issue arose with our son and all my plans were thrown straight out the window.

So, all in all, it wasn't a bad anniversary :/

**The DUI ~~ DH's license will be suspended for a month starting the 24th. Fortunately, he's been able to arrange his work travel so he will be out of town for most of that period. When he's here, he's got to make other arrangements to get around. Once the suspension is over, he'll have a machine installed in his car that will test his blood alcohol level before it will allow the car to start. I will need to do the driving when we go out as a family, but he'll be able to drive himself around in his own car. Of course, all this means I will be the one doing all the driving when we head out to Los Angeles for the 4th of July. I won't like it, but I'll be fine. It was cute, however, when on Thursday DH called to apologize for all the trouble his DUI is causing me.

** DH has ordered himself a new laptop and bought a new color printer with it. Yeah! Been wanting to get one for a long while, but just hadn't gotten around to it. And, surprise, surprise, he seems to have actually picked out a good one: scanner, printer, copier, fax; photos in multiple sizes; wireless. Did a test print of a photo on regular paper and it came out really good. I have high hopes. (Last time he was all excited about the printer he got, it was not color, toner could only be purchased from the manufacturer, and cost an arm and a leg).

Can't believe June is half over. Looking forward to the long weekend around the 4th ~~ my sister and her family are supposed to meet us for a day in Disneyland. Can't wait. No, seriously. I love Disneyland. We used to go quite often when we lived in SoCal. YC has no memories of it; she was 1 when we moved away, and only 3 or 4 when we last visited. And at 8, she is tall enough for all the rides. I do realize it will be hot and busy, but we'll survive ~~ I'll coat myself in SPF 100+, wear a hat, drink lots of water.... Someday, maybe we'll make it to DisneyWorld...

Hope everyone out there is enjoying June ~~ whether it's your spring or your fall :)

So, How Ya Doin'?

2009-06-04T20:21:00.001-05:00

Please don't ask unless you really want to know...

Ok, you've been warned.

I am...
Bleh.

Yep, bleh. I am tired, physically, mentally & emotionally. I am achy all over (5th headachy day in a row). Tired of being congested. Tired of having to watch every penny. Tired of having to deal with the same crap day after day. Tired of my sucky life... Basically pretty darn miserable all 'round.

Tired of being the person 'they' all run to when they need something (done, fixed, bought, etc.). Yes, it's nice to know you're needed, but really, I'm to believe there is no one else, anywhere, who could also take of whatever? Right.

Work stresses -- still understaffed, underpaid, and overburdened. My piles never get any smaller, no matter how much I do. Oh, and they're closing the facility where I work, and transitioning my position to HQ, more than doubling my commute. But because the two places are less than 50 miles apart, I'm not eligible for severance. So it's either move to HQ or quit. My boss did emphasize that they don't want to lose me and will be flexible with my schedule so I won't need to be there everyday... But still, it's easily a 2hr drive one way. We'll just have to see. If I stay through the end of the year I will get a special bonus.

And DH-- where to start, what to say. Can't help but think that everyone must be tired of hearing about our ups and downs. I know I'm tired of living through/with them. Long story short, May 24 he pulled a "Mr. Hyde" again, left and didn't come home until mid-afternoon Monday. And continued to behave poorly and blame everything on everyone else (mainly me). He has continued to be pissy with everyone, but especially our son. He's only making nice with me, so it seems, because he's been horny and wanting some action. I let him have his way last night, but I was so not into it, emotionally especially.

And you know what's on Monday? Our 16th wedding anniversary. I saw the reminder pop up and was not thrilled. In your mind, try to hear me so "oh god" in a "I am not happy about this at all" tone of voice. Seriously, I went over his schedule in my mind, hoping he'd be out of town (no luck as he still has DUI stuff he's dealing with), then hoped that if I said nothing, he'd forget and I wouldn't have to deal with it or face it. No such luck. He has remembered and is now planning our night out.

I want to cry every time I hear "Her Diamonds" by Rob Thomas. Go look up the lyrics - I think you'll understand why. (I can't copy and paste on this).

I don't know what the answer is, although a week or so of solitude sounds very appealing. Unfortunately, that's unaffordable, on so many levels. So, I'll just continue as I am, slogging through everyday, hoping things/I get better.

Although, you know, just getting all this out, I feel a little less burdened.

-- From My iPhone

DH in trouble cont.

2009-05-18T21:43:00.004-05:00

So it's now Saturday night, and I'm just exhausted. Along with the early morning activity, I'd also had insomnia the night before, and been battling a cold/sinus problem for the previous week -- all leaving me just wiped. DH had napped during the afternoon/early evening, so he was refreshed and watching sports.

I thought the perfect thing before bed would be a relaxing bath. And since we'd just gotten the second water heater fixed, I could be fairly certain it would be a nice hot one. So about 11pm I climbed into my nice hot tub, dropped in a Lush Tisty Tosty and a bit of French Kiss bubble bar, put in my earphones, opened my book and relaxed. The rose, lavender and vanilla from the Lush bath goodies were perfect for relaxing. I also kept the iPod on a milder playlist ~~ I so desperately needed relaxation.

I will say I was surprised that DH didn't come in and join me, as he usually does, but it was okay that he didn't.

I stayed in for the better part of an hour, then clambered out, dried off, slipped into my robe and headed into the bedroom. I was so tired, I really didn't even completely dry myself off, nor apply any lotion, or even put any clothing on. When DH commented on my lack of apparel, my honest answer was it was just too much work to put anything on.

Even though DH was involved with watching the game, it didn't take him long to let me know he had other things on his mind. We watched the end of the game (yeah our team!) then switched to SNL (recorded) while snuggling. DH threw the covers off me and announced that he thought he'd like to go down on me. Like I was going to object to that :P. And down he went. Can I just say that DH has gotten much better at this over the years. I don't easy orgasm from oral, but with the right combination of lips, tongue and movement of inserted fingers, oh yeah.

Then it was my turn to reciprocate, lavishing oral attention on him. Until he can't take it anymore and orders me up on the bed. And you all know what happens then ~~ S-E-X. Sweaty, pounding, multi-orgasmic (for me, anyway) sex.

And as I lay there in the afterglow, sometime after 1am, DH turned to me and said, "Happy Mother's Day". With a big grin on his face.

*******************************************

Sunday dawned and while DH himself couldn't sleep and was up at 6am, he let me sleep in. Which I did, 'til about 9am, watched TV for awhile, then couldn't take it anymore, got up and got dressed. Even with it being Mother's Day, I still had laundry to do, and I wanted to get it done and over with.

As I was working on things, the kids came filing in with a card. I hugged them all, even MC who attempted to avoid me.

DH came up soon after, looking for some more "action". No way I could turn him down. (Let's see, Friday morning, Sat. night/Sun. morning, and Sun. afternoon ~~ goodness.)

YC made the cutest gift for me. It was made to look like a Time magazine, with Mother of the Year on the front (she even drew me with my blue FitFlops on). Inside, the kids were given prompts and then they filled in the rest. I just have to share. Her comments are in italics.

My favorite thing to do with Mom is... snuggle with her at night [this is a must every night before bed] ~~ decorated with a hand held bouquet and the caption "I picked flowers for you"
My mom doesn't even get mad when I... don't clean my room. [only because I get too tired just looking it at]
I like it when Mom... hugs me. Decorated with a wrapped packaged tagged To Mom, From YC
Ihave the most fun with Mom when... we play a game on the computer [we like picture searches and puzzles]
My favorite food that Mom cooks is... cashew chicken because she puts in extra veggies [I'm just trying to stretch it and make it a bit healthier, but if she really likes that...] Decorated with a heart with "I love you Mom" written on it.
My mom makes me laugh when... tickles me when I have the hicups and she tries to get them to go away. [And even though she begs me to stop, as soon as I do, she wants me to tickle her some more]
I love my mom because... she cooks for me. [Um, yeah, really not that often or that well, but I will do her favorites]
My mom makes me feel special when... she does something just for me. [She's my baby, of course I love doing things just for her] Decorated by a "Mom on board" sign
My mom took good care of me when... I was sick last November. [It was election week and she missed 3 out of 4 school days, and I took her to the dr. and helped her take her meds and use the inhaler, and let her snuggle and sleep with me.]
My favorite book that Mom reads is... There's a Monster at the End of this Book [used to read this too her all the time, funny Grover voice and all] Decorated with a drawing of the cover of the book.
My mom is special because... she loves every single person in my family even my anoying brother [aahhh, that's my sweet baby]

So it was a relaxing afternoon, and then the kids and I decided to go out. DH was tired and stressed, so he stayed home while I took the kids out to grab a quick bite and then do a little shopping so DH could cook dinner. Yummy keema with potatoes, lentils and kebabs. And then the kids had to clean up.

All in all, a very nice Mother's Day.

DH in trouble

2009-05-11T09:45:00.003-05:00

I hope everyone had a great weekend, especially all the mothers.

I actually had a very nice weekend and Mother's Day (and, yes, you do detect a note of surprise there). My family (my husband) is not very good with celebrations, unless I do all the planning and work, so I wasn't expecting much. Especially since DH just got me the iPhone a couple of weeks ago and said it was my Mother's Day gift. I knew I'd get something from YC as she is still in elementary school and gift making is part of the curriculum.

But.... DH owed me....

Let's start back on Friday.

I was working from home and the kids had no school, so it was a bit of a relaxed morning; relaxed enough that DH and I had time for a little fun before he needed to head out the door. Nothing like starting the day with a little erotic spanking, foreplay and multi-orgasmic sex (discovered later that DH left some love bites on my shoulder and the back of my neck). That evening, DH decided to go out ~~ normal for a Friday ~~ while I stayed home, watching TV, snuggling with YC. Sometime after midnight, I turned everything off and drifted off to sleep.

Only to be awakened at 1:30 a.m. by the ringing phone. We have caller ID, but I didn't know the caller ~~ the name looked like some sort of code. But it included our state... and in that moment I knew, just knew, that it was DH and he was in trouble. Arrested. DUI.

(I want you to know DH is not an alcoholic and does not have a drinking problem ~~ he only goes out a few times a month. Also, he said it was okay to blog about this ~~ maybe someone out there has had a similar experience and can offer advice.)

I got directions to the state police facility where he was being held ~~ way the hell out in the boondocks. And at 2am I headed out the door to get to him. I had lots of time to think about how I would react and decided to keep calm. He's an intelligent man and I knew I wouldn't say anything he hadn't already said to himself, and he didn't need me adding to his guilt and stress. So I paid the bond and waited. We got home around 3am.

He talked all the way home. He'd been at one place, got a call from a friend at another place and DH went to go join him. Since DH was in a rush to get there before his friend left, he was driving a little too aggressively ~~ tailgating and an illegal lane change (unfortunately, DH does not have to be drinking to drive this way, it's pretty normal). This is what got the officer's attention. And of course, once DH was pulled over, the officer could tell he'd be drinking and did all the standard tests. DH thought he was doing well, but the officer's notes indicated that he failed the tests. So, on went the handcuffs and off he went to jail.

It was obvious how bad he felt about the whole thing. No anger towards the police, just towards himself. I just made sure I was there for him, making supportive comments and gestures. One of the ways I could tell how upset he was ~~ as we finally laid down to sleep he curled up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and fell asleep holding me tight. We don't generally sleep like this ~~ it's too uncomfortable. But it was what he needed.

Up Saturday and off to the impound yard. Kids of course had questions about where was Daddy's car. I just told them it was towed, figuring it was up to DH to tell them as much or as little about what happened.

Then it was computer searches for attorneys and phone calls and reviews of the tickets and other paperwork. It's going to cost thousands to get through this. On our side is that it's a first offense, he wasn't far over the legal limit, he was not driving dangerously, and no one was hurt. Right now it's just wait and see.

I'll continue with this in the next post. Promise.

Well, it's been a day

2009-05-04T21:23:00.001-05:00

Happy Monday

If you saw any of my weekend tweets, you might have noticed things were a little tense. Don't know why, don't care, just as long as we continue to get along. It's after 9pm and so far so good.

My boss didn't make it today, so I made the drive for no good reason. He says he'll be there tomorrow. I hope so.

I was supposed to go to the gym today. Um, yeah, didn't make it. Forgot to take my gym shoes to work, left work late, and when I stopped at home to get them, I found out that my baby fell while riding her bike. She got some pretty bad scrapes and was on need of some mommy love. I did the math and if I still went to the gym, I wouldn't get home until after 9 - way too late. So I have skipped and will get back on track Wednesday.

OC is driving us all nuts between her obsession with hockey and her constant studying for her upcoming AP test. I will be so glad when both are over and done.

MC shared a story -- he and a friend, A, had a project. It didn't go so well. Ended with A flat on his back with a bloody nose after flipping over a rail and smacking his head on a wall. Then the teacher fainted on the way to the nurses office. And it's all caught on tape. Can't wait to see it. I've told MC he should write all down too. I also made him call and check on A --he's alright and plans to be on school tomorrow.

Spring has finally fully arrived. All our trees are in full blossom and the handful of tulips that did not get eaten by bunnies bloomed. We will definitely need to plant more bulbs this fall.

And I am having way too much fun with my iPhone.

So, that's the update from Casa Robin

-- From My iPhone

Testing, testing...

2009-04-30T22:21:00.000-05:00

Guess what I got....

An iPhone!!! It's my mother's day gift. It's a refurbished one, so a bit cheaper than brand new.

And now I'm testing the blogging ap I downloaded. Having fun with all the aps that came with and that I've also downloaded.

Enough about that. I know it's been a month and I really do plan to get a post of substance up soon. Really. Although I don't suggest holding your breath.

-- Post From My iPhone

Day to Day

2009-03-31T20:26:00.002-06:00

Got a nice brief 'half-butt' hand spanking last night.

What's a 'half-butt' spanking, you ask?

Well, that's what happens when the spankee is curled up on her left side, trying to go to sleep, and the spanker decides that he needs to get a few spanks in before actually falling asleep. Since the spankee is on her left side, really only the right side of her butt is readily available for the spanker to spank.

So I drifted off to sleep with a nice tingling on the right side.

Then this morning, before work, I had to give myself my very first spanking diet discipline spanking. Sheeesh. Not fun, not at all. Painful physically, and emotionally... well, I just felt stupid that I couldn't manage to even lose .1 pound in a week so had to spank myself. I will do better this week. I really don't want to have to do that again.

*********************************************************************

So the title today? John had mentioned in a comment that he liked to hear about my day-to-day life. My response was that there isn't much going on day to day, but that I would provide a breakdown.

Monday through Friday

My alarm goes off at 5:30. And I turn it off. I listen to OC get up and head out the door (if she goes to her pre-school church class, she's out by 6am, and if going straight to school, she's out by 6:45).
About 7am I wake up MC, then crawl back into bed for another 1/2 hour or so. If DH is home, he usually gets up between 7 and 7:30, kissing me good-bye before heading downstairs. At which point I turn on the TV and open the curtain so I don't fall back asleep.
About 8am I wake up YC and make sure she brushes her teeth and her hair, changes her clothes and eats breakfast before driving her to school.
Then I either return home to work from home, or start my commute into the office. I work 'til at least 5pm but sometimes as late as 6pm.
Dinner, housework, TV, computer, bed... if I'm lucky there's some fun and games with DH before sleep

Weekends, we tend to sleep in, maybe have some fun in the morning before getting up, or at night before sleep. Some Saturdays, DH and I go out for a 'date'. The rest of the weekends are taken up with housework, shopping, errands. Once the weather improves, I hope we can get out more for fun things, like the zoo.

That's basically it. Throw in the occasional appointment, running errands, and sex, and you've got my life in a nutshell.

Right now the kids are home on spring break, so there have been multiple other kids in and out of our home (tonight there are 2 additional teen boys and one additional little girl, all spending the night since I work from home tomorrow). DH is home for his second week in a row and isn't expecting to go anywhere for at least another 10 days or so. Kids are all doing well in school, getting good grades, getting along with everyone. Work is going along (I keep reminding myself that I am lucky to have a job, repeating this over and over and over...). OC turns 16 in 10 days. I can't believe she's that old, or that we are :P.

*************************************************************

Oooh, here's something good. Know what DH wants to do on Good Friday? He wants to go camping. Nothing inherently wrong with that. We do have a tent. And sleeping bags.... um, no other camping supplies....

And it's been at least 20 years since either of has camped. His experience was military, mine was family. We used to camp a lot when I was growing up. Every couple of years we would travel between California and Washington for vacation. We had a favorite campground outside Bend, Oregon, and another outside Leavenworth, WA. After we moved to Washington, there were lots of wonderful campgrounds all around, and we camped frequently just with our family or with various church groups. I also served as a school camp counsellor in my 7th, 8th, 11th, and 12th grades, and one summer when I worked for the youth conservation corp we spend an entire week up in the mountains.

All of those experiences are fond memories, and I would love for my kids to have the same sorts of experiences and memories, but I really don't think we're properly equipped at this time. Seriously, all we have is a tent and some sleeping bags. No tarps, no air mattresses, no coolers, no cooking gear.... I don't know about this, but I'm game. Wish us luck.

Depression and Submissiveness

2009-03-25T14:14:00.005-06:00

While poking through the various blogs I read (ok, trying to catch up), I found a link to Selkie's blog, went over and started to read.

Last Thursday, she had a little rant on depression and BDSM. You can read it here. Made me wonder who these people talk to to come up with ideas such as submissives being depressives. And that perhaps the BDSM plays into it.

Now, what I'm going to say here is my opinion and my experience only, so obviously I don't expect anyone to agree or have necessarily experienced anything similar. And you are welcome to state your objections, just be nice about it.

For years, and looking back through journals, clearly all the way back to my teen years, I have had times where I've felt like I was being sucked into the abyss. Now, I'm not going to call it depression as I've never been formally diagnosed ~~ although based on some informal conversations with people who do diagnose and treat depression, plus taking some questionnaires, if it wasn't actual Depression, it was pretty darn close.

Fortunately, I never got to the point where I seriously contemplated physically hurting myself or suicide (thoughts crossed my mind, but I pushed them out), but I often thought of just walking away, leaving it all behind (husband, kids, home, job, etc.), with no plan of where I would go, what I would do, just needing desperately to get away from everything in the idea that perhaps then the pain would go away (I even had clear visions of walking down the front walk with a backpack, without even looking back). Somehow, in all the pain is was feeling, I was still able to realize that leaving would only hurt my family, and based on my pain and misery, I didn't want to possibly cause those feelings in them.

For years, I spent far more time in that dark place, functioning just enough to get by, than I did out of it. Why didn't I discuss it with a doctor? Honestly, I just figured it was normal ~~ I was stressed by high school, then by college, parents divorcing, relationships of my own, trying to juggle work and school to pay bills, marriage, children (2 close together), etc. And when I did try to mention it to doctors, they'd get to the "hurting yourself/suicide" questions and when I answered "no, but I do just want to leave it all, just crawl in a hole", I would generally get the "well, then you're not really depressed, you're just exhausted, try to get more rest, eat better, etc." type of speech. So, again, it was just 'normal' and to be expected, so I struggled on.

If you've read this far, you're probably wondering how this ties into BDSM and submissiveness. Bear with me, I'm getting there *grin*

With all the reading I've done during my life, romances were not part of it. Now if romance were a part of the story, that was great, but I did not ever, ever go into the romance section of the book store. Frankly, I was embarrassed by the covers (bodice rippers, anyone?) and just couldn't bring myself to take one up to the counter and have anyone see what I was buying. Then, a few years ago, I discovered contemporary romances ~~ often written in first person, women who I could relate to, strong alpha males, and nice covers. I started reading then, wanted what they described, and tried to figure out how to get that kind of vibe going in my marriage.

Enter the internet and searching for erotica online. I found sites with all sorts of stories, but the one's that really got my attention were the spanking and dominance stories. I recognized that this was what I was looking for, what I needed in my relationship. Just accepting these things about myself, identifying myself as a woman with submissive tendencies, with sexual wants and needs, started to lift the dark cloud that had hung over me for so many years. And once I opened up to DH, and he came on board (at least somewhat, however sporadically), things really changed.

I rarely now have those black times, where I feel I'm sinking down into the dark whirlpool and don't feel like I will ever make it out. It does still happen, but less frequently (months apart now) and less severe (days instead of weeks/months). And before anyone says, PMS, um, no, not really, especially not in the past (god forbid PMS should last for months), although all those hormonal shifts can contribute. But I've checked the calendar and can honestly say that I there is no strong correlation between my dark times and my period.

So, in conclusion, in my case, realizing, accepting, and acting upon my submissiveness has actually reduced my "depressive" episodes. I realize this is not the case with all people, but it's my experience.

Final note: I am not a doctor or a therapist or anything like that, so I am in no way advising that anyone who has been formally diagnosed with depression and/or prescribed medication to treat their depression, try BDSM as a treatment. Obviously, working with a doctor/therapist, getting the medical help that is required is the proper way to do things. Depression is a medical condition that can have serious affects not only on the sufferer but also on their family and loved ones. Don't be like me ~~ if you think you may be suffering with depression, go to your doctor, and if they don't help, go to another doctor, and another until you find one who will truly listen, run tests, do whatever it takes to figure out what is wrong and get you the help you need to heal.
Depression is not your fault.

The drought is over!

2009-03-24T19:22:00.002-06:00

The spanking drought, that is.

Got a very lovely, very erotic hand spanking Sunday morning. Completely unasked for, but oh, so welcome. DH started it, I shifted so he could easily access the entire area

Spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;spank,rub/stroke/squeeze;repeat,repeat,repeat.... all at just the most perfect timing and force. I didn't want to get away at all.

Absolutely wonderful *sigh*

And of course, the I showed my appreciation for the wonderful spanking with some oral attention, positioned so that DH could continue to spank and caress me. Eventually, we moved on to our favorite position and continued until we both reached our peak.

A lovely way to start the day.

And to make it even better, the feeling, that special twinge during sitting, going up or down stairs, persisted for a few hours. The next day a quick peak in the mirror showed just the slightest bit of bruising along the curve.

*sigh*

I hope we won't go several months 'til the next good spanking...

2009-03-18T22:34:00.002-06:00

Here's the video for the theme song for Saving Grace. I hope you like it.

I checked TNT and it doesn't look like this week's episode is available for online viewing yet. Hopefully within the next few days.

Saving Grace

2009-03-18T22:01:00.004-06:00

Anyone else out there watch Saving Grace on TNT? Did you see this week's episode "Take me somewhere, Earl"? If not, go, find it online, and watch it.

Why, you ask.

Because it's got a spanking scene!!!!

She spanks him (his nickname is Spanky), and he's pants down OTK. It's great. OMG. I was laughing, especially when she got the info she wanted and rolled him off her lap to the floor. Holly Hunter plays Grace, and she is so itty-bitty, it was so incongruous to see this big guy streched across her lap.

Please, find it, watch it, enjoy.

If you don't know the series at all, it's excellent, and I highly recommend watching it from the beginning. Love the theme song, as well.

And there's a message board with a thread started already to discuss the spanking scene. I saw at least one acknowledged spanko commenting.

In a Funk?

2009-03-17T07:08:00.002-06:00

Yes, yes, I am. Ya know, in case you were wondering...

Such a funk that not only am I not writing, anything anywhere, I'm also not out there reading anything I enjoy reading.

Don't want to write up my vacation log, or review the pics; don't want to write down the stories swirling in my brain; don't want to write down what's been going on (but I will, a little bit, here).

Last post I mentioned the drastic pay cut I came home to... Well, that pay cut has led to an adjustment in my work schedule in an effort to cut expenses (I work from home a couple of days a week, then the rest of the week I go in after I drop YC off at school ~~ cuts out childcare cost and reduces commuting expenses), which I am still adjusting to.

Last week DH was off to a business conference and my insomnia was back big time. Been a while since I had to sleep without him next to me. Just another adjustment. He's off again this week, and I'm trying to do better.

MC brought home some sort of stomach bug last week. He even missed a day of school. Well, this weekend, OC and I ended up with it, which wouldn't have been too bad except we discovered that during the recent rains our sump pump failed and our basement flooded. So, we ended up spending the majority of the weekend trying to remove as much water as possible from the carpet and then setting up multiple fans hoping to dry it out the rest of the way. The insurance adjuster is supposed to be out this morning. Our basement is fully finished including carpet. Such a hassle if we have to pull out all the carpet and baseboards.

And then YC caught the bug and stayed home sick yesterday. Thankfully, she's up and feeling fine today. She turned 8 this past weekend and it's her special week in class, so she's eager to get to school. We worked hard Sunday night to get her poster made ~~ covered with special pictures, that she captioned. We all had fun looking through all the family photos.

As far as spankings go, um, yeah, nope. No 'real' spankings since our birthdays back in December. Just a tiny little bit of play on vacation. I think we've both been so stressed and worn out that we just can't muster the energy for anything beyond the basics. And even the basics has been much less lately. *le sigh*

Well, that's it for now, time to get YC to school.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

2009-02-26T20:59:00.004-06:00

Hey Everyone (or anyone who's still popping in here) ~~

We're back!

yeah :|

Back to work, kids, housework, cold wintry weather...

Well, at least I still have a job ~~ although things are not all hunky dory on the work front ~~ another drastic pay cut, supposedly temporary.... yuk.

Anyway...

Saw lots of beautiful places, met lots of nice people, took lots of pictures (somewhere around 800). It's going to take a while to go through all the pics (edit, compress, caption, etc.) and get our adventures written down, so to tide things over, here's a pic of Mount Maunganui, New Zealand. Enjoy.

We've Made it Safely to NZ

2009-02-09T20:35:00.001-06:00

Sitting in our hotel room in warm, humid, rainy Auckland. Loving the warmth ~~ the humidity, yeah, not so much :)
But I understand the rain is very welcome as they've had a fairly hot, dry summer. They haven't experienced the wildfires like Australia, but the fire danger is still extremely high along the east coast of both the North and South Islands.

What little I've seen of Auckland is beautiful ~~ it's very lush here. Lots of trees, bushes, flowers everywhere. The view from the plane as we flew in yesterday was gorgeous ~~ green everywhere, rolling hills, beaches and seashore...

Our hotel is right across the street from the University and a beautiful park. We've done a bit of walking about, yesterday and today, down the hill, through the Chancery and along nearby streets, windowshopping and just enjoying the area.

With all the overcast, we're not seeing much of the surrounding area...

It's odd when we call home ~~ It's Tuesday morning here and Monday afternoon there. Kids are doing ok with Grandma... so far :P

Anyway, we'll be heading off to the ship shortly, so I've got to get everything packed up and tagged properly.

Hope to be able to post more from the ship.

Just a brief check in...

2009-02-06T23:39:00.002-06:00

before we head off on our vacation. I can't wait to be warm. I am so excited to see New Zealand and Australia. I've always wanted to. I realize going on a cruise means I'll get just a teeny tiny taste of what they're like, but it's better than not going at all. And it will be warm! I am so tired of subfreezing temps....

We head out at noon on Saturday and don't get back 'til the 22nd. Not sure how much online access I'll get ~~ we'll be at sea most of the time and Internet access on the ship is not cheap.

So, if I can, I'll post. If not, well, I'll try to get some things written so when we get back I'll have stuff to post.

MicroFantasy Monday ~ Week 13

2009-02-02T22:00:00.005-06:00

Thank you, Ang at Sweltering Celt

Meredith shifted nervously as she waited in the security line. She had been dreading this part of her trip ever since Jason had sent his list of detailed instructions.

She already knew that she would set off the metal detector, thanks to her collar and matching cuffs. And there was no way she could remove them herself, even if Jason had given permission. They could only be removed with a special tool, a tool that Jason kept securely attached to his key ring.

Meredith moved forward a few more steps, pulling her carry on behind her. The carry on that was not full of clothing for the long weekend... The carry on that was almost completely full of 'toys'. Sex toys ~~ paddles, floggers, cuffs, ropes, vibrators, clamps, etc. Everything that Jason had insisted she pack.

Setting her purse and the carry on on the conveyor, Meredith stepped through the metal detector, smiling shyly at the security person as the detector went off. She pointed out her collar and cuffs, and with an apology explained that they couldn't be removed.

As she moved to the side and stood as directed, she could clearly see the person monitoring the bags as they went through the x-ray machine. He squinted his eyes, concentrating... then they went wide and he motioned the other security personnel over to take a look. Meredith knew, with a sinking feeling, that they were looking at her bag. She wanted to just sink in on herself and disappear, but she stood still while she was wanded.

"Ma'am? Ma'am? If we could please see you over here?" Meredith looked towards the voice, seeing that it was a security person with her bag. Pasting a wan smile on her face, Meredith squared her soldiers and walked towards the table as her bag was unzipped.

It's Sad

2009-01-23T22:09:00.004-06:00

but with everything that's gone on in our little piece of the blogging world this past week, I want to state that I am real. My family is real. What I share here about my marriage and my day to day life, good/bad/silly, is all real, written as I remember it. It is up to the reader to decide whether to believe me or not.

Yes, I've changed names or used pseudonyms, I haven't stated where I live or where I work. There are times I'd like to share something here, but don't because in the telling I might give away a little too much and endanger our privacy. I realize that there is enough shared here, that if someone who already knows us in real life were to read it, they could probably identify us. It's a calculated risk I take to share aspects of my life I have been unable to share elsewhere.

I really wasn't planning to post about all this, but it's been weighing on me all week as I've read about so many people's pain from what happened. And I just have to let it out ~~ after all, that is one of the reasons I blog *wry smile*.

I'm not going to give a long discourse on lying or honesty or deception ~~ many have already done so. What I will say is that my trust in what I read on other blogs, as posts or comments, has been seriously damaged. Unless something is clearly labelled as fictional, whether partly or entirely, the tendency is to believe it is real, from the author's point of view (we all know that different people involved in the same situation may have different memories of what happened ~~ doesn't make any of them wrong, it's just different perspectives).

I understand the temptation to hide behind the written words, describe yourself as thinner, taller, kinder, etc. (In real life, I'm a wallflower, the silent and shy observer in a roomful of people, the one who rarely approaches another to start a conversation. But here, I can open up and through comments and emails interact with others without feeling crippled by my painful shyness.) But what has happened here in blogland has gone beyond that into complete and utter deception. I don't care what the rationalizations were, it was wrong from the get go.

Trust can, with time and hard work, be repaired, but will seldom ever be as strong as it was before. I am not going to advise anyone on how they should be feeling or reacting, or on how to go forward. Everyone will need to decide for themselves what the future holds for their 'relationships'. I'm still conflicted myself, and for now am just taking it one day at a time, sitting back, reading/observing, and trying to decide where to go from here.

Will I give up blogging? No; I know I'm not one of the 'popular' blogs, but I'm not writing for popularity ~~ I'm writing for me, and that urge will never go away. But I will probably change some of my reading and commenting habits... And that is sad.

TMI Tuesday #170

2009-01-20T10:31:00.000-06:00

From TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
Nope

2. What is your type?
I have to have a type? Um, taller than me, intelligent, funny/witty, dark hair, a Scottish accent is always a plus :D, dominant...

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
Sex game? There are sex games? Where? How come I've never heard of these? Oh, yeah, right, I had a sheltered life.

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
Nope, knew first and last names of all of them ~~ oh, wait, perhaps not, I'm not sure I knew DH's last name...

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Yep, many times.

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
I think it depends on how you define peak ~~ physical ability, mental & emotional levels, and skill level all play apart.
Nope, I hope not, I plan to continue growing and developing as long as I live.

Microfantasy Monday #11

2009-01-19T22:05:00.002-06:00

As always, thanks to Ang over at Sweltering Celt.

Maggie thumbed excitedly through the catalogs. Now that their youngest child was finally moving out, John had agreed it was time to refurnish the house. And he had put Maggie in charge, within reason.

She knew that at a minimum they needed new furniture in the kitchen, family room and the master bedroom. Maggie was hoping that the game room in the basement could also get a few new things.

What John didn't know was that Maggie was not only looking at the attractiveness of the furniture but also at their functionality.

Tables had to be sturdy enough to hold their weight ~~ should John ever decide to have his wicked way with her in the kitchen.

At least some of the chairs had to be straight backed and armless ~~ perfect for those over-the-knee spankings John gave her.

Couches needed to be comfy and wide enough that they could easily cuddle together, and more.

A nice ottoman in the family room ~~ just right for kneeling and bending over for spankings, sex, whatever John would dream up.

And the master bedroom... A sturdy four-poster bed with sheer fabric panels for added romance. Maggie fantasized about being tied securely to the posts, spread eagled, at John's mercy. Or maybe she would turn the tables and tie him to the bed.

She giggled with delight as she very carefully picked the furniture that would assist in making her fantasies come true.

How Spankable Am I?

2009-01-14T10:44:00.000-06:00

No surprise here :D

Your result for The How Spankable Are You Test...

SPANK SLUT

You are 93% spankable!

You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldnt be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.

Take The How Spankable Are You Test at HelloQuizzy

TMI Tuesday #169 - Back to TMI Basics

2009-01-13T22:35:00.001-06:00

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?

      I'd say a 7 -- I could definitely get more than I am, with more variety, fun, spice, etc.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?

       Oh. My. God. Don't stop. Love that take control attitude.

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?

        Hmmm. Pretty impressive when DH opted to buy me a sapphire & diamond ring for Valentine's instead of getting himself the new computer he wanted. Then there was the time we'd had an argument & he sent apology flowers to me at work with a special (spanking) note.

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?

      We're boring. I've done lots of public groping, etc. ~ had a boyfriend who loved to finger me to orgasm on the bus, in the theater, anywhere he thought he could get away with it. But full on sex... Bedroom, living room, hotel... nothing unusual. And considering DH's past as a risk taker, he's never really tried anything like that with me.

5. How do you liked to be kissed?

       I like it to start out slow, mouth closed, slightly opening, pausing to breathe and pull back to look at each other, building up to open mouthed w/ tongue action, nibbling and pulling on each others lips & tongue.

Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?

        I honestly can't think of anything. To my knowledge no one has ever walked in on us... nope, can't think of anything.

2009-01-13T22:18:00.002-06:00

Microfantasy ~~Tuesday~~ Monday

Thanks to Ang at Sweltering Celt.

I walked into the bedroom, looking forward to a long hot shower before bed. A long day at work, a sweaty session at the gym ~ I just wanted to stand under the warm relaxing water & then crawl into bed.

He, however, had other ideas.

He was seated on the bed, a towel spread out next to him & another towel obviously covering something.

"We need to talk about your hair."

"My hair?" I reached up to touch my hair where it was piled on top of my head. "What about my hair?"

"You haven't been keeping groomed lately. Not the way I like it."

I didn't say anything, just stared at him in bewilderment.

"Close & lock the door, remove all your clothes, & come sit on this towel," patting the spread out towel on the bed.

*What the hell!?*

"Now! Or do I need to get the bath brush?"

*Yikes!* I quickly did as I was told, sitting on the towel and leaning back against the pillows.

He picked up the other towel, revealing hair remover, shaving gel, & razor.

"Now spread your legs..."

Follow up

2009-01-10T17:47:00.002-06:00

Since my last post, DH and I have talked at last a few minutes every day. Not about what happened, but nice pleasant conversations, even some teasing about how couples need a little fighting every now and again so they can enjoy the making up. Humph, maybe... Not. I prefer all the fun without the agony.

PMS of this magnitude is rare for me. Normally, I have swollen achy boobs and one little 'bitchy' outburst, and about 10 seconds into into it my thoughts are, "Whoa, where is this coming from? Wait, what day is it? How many days since/'til...? Ah, okay, it's that time, I can handle this." And that's it, I'm back to normal emotionally. And, other than having an unusual amount of family togetherness over the holidays, the only difference between this month and others was not taking my vitamins/minerals/herbs regularly.

DH gives me a hard time about taking all 'those pills,' but maybe this will help convince him that they are a good thing. In case anyone's interested, along with the Cosco/Kirkland daily vitamin/mineral pack, I regularly take Fish Oil (cholesterol), Evening Primrose Oil (women's health), Cinnamon (blood sugar), Magnesium (reduces bloating, anxiety, cramping), Zinc (sex hormone regulation) , Cranberry (urinary tract), Vitamin D (energy), & Nature's Answer Female Complex. If you search these on line, you will find those who support there usage, and those who don't. All I know is that I feel better when I take these regularly. (A side note on the cranberry -- 2 years ago I had a bladder infection that spread to my right kidney; it was some of the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. One second I was okay, the next I was doubled over, sobbing in pain. I spent a week on heavy duty antibiotics as the strain was resistant. And I've taken cranberry supplements ever since and have not had even the slightest hint of a UTI since. I highly recommend it to anyone who has UTI issues.)

This is my mass thank you to everyone who took the time to comment with support & advice. It is all greatly appreciated.

I do plan to have a little talk with DH. I was hoping to do it today on the drive home from the airport (assuming I could've convinced the kids to stay home). But, due to nasty weather, all flights in were cancelled, so DH is in Texas one more night. I'll try again tomorrow, again depending on whether the kids are with or not.

I'll be sure to let you all know how it went :)

I can be such a...

2009-01-07T22:26:00.002-06:00

... moron, idiot, you know what... and it's just so stupid that I behave this way; I'm certainly more than old enough to know better.

You get the idea, right? No? Maybe these lyrics will add a little insight:

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

What brings all this on ~~

Well, after that wonderful welcome to the new year DH and I enjoyed, there was no further sexy, romantic, whatever action all weekend. And much as I would like to be able to blame this at least a little bit on DH, nope, can't, all me.

And my hormones.

Yep, PMSing big time this month and it's because I neglected to keep to my regular schedule of taking vitamins & supplements, the ones that DH constantly questions me about, during the holidays. It's pretty easy on workdays ~~ I put all the pills into a little container & take them with me. When I get to work, I have something to eat & take half the pills, then when I have lunch, I have the other half. When I'm home all day, & my schedule is not so set, I tend to forget to set them out or if I do set them out, I forget to take them.

So, consequently, my hormones were overactive & every little thing DH said or did turned into a big irritation or hurt ~~ completely blown out of proportion by my PMS pickled brain. I was cranky, irritable and weepy ~~ not only can I not stand me this way, neither can DH.

DH made a comment about how on earth did I manage to end up with a guy like him ~~ I heard "how did a loser like you end up with a great guy like me" ~~ what he meant was he was amazed that such a great person (me) would have chosen a messed up guy like him.
He watched a porno of large women (lucky for me he likes women with a little extra padding) & mentioned that one of the women was similar in build to me & that I should take a look ~~ all I could feel was horrified because I don't want to 'see' what he thinks is my size (I know I'm bigger than I should be, but seeing someone else that size is different than seeing yourself in the mirror).
DH goes out by himself on Fridays, & this past one was no exception. I was still up, in bed, when he came home around 2:30am (computering and barking dog contributing to the situation). He didn't come up stairs 'til around 3. Then seemed to me to be complaining that I didn't come downstairs & keep him company while he ate. Then said, "If I'd known you were going to be up this late, I would have had you come out with me." OK, this was a double-sided comment ~~ on one side it seems like a compliment because he wanted me with him; on the other side, it seems like a complaint about my staying up so late. Guess which way I took it?
We spent all day Saturday running errands and doing chores. No lovey dovey stuff at all. And then, when we went shopping, he stated that I was not to spend over $100 ~~ I spent $56. His reaction ~~ what did I spend $56 on; there wasn't alot in the cart. Agh. I had refused to buy the girls some treats they wanted, denied myself, just got the necessities needed to get us through the week, came in way under what his stated max was, & I got criticism. Yeah, that really puts me in the mood...

I just started shutting down, my typical reaction when I'm feeling stressed, unloved, uncared for.

So we didn't go out Saturday. I took a shower & while I was in, DH came into the bathroom asking if I wanted him to join me. My response: I don't care, if you want to. And it went downhill from there, with DH asking if we were going to do anything, I said I wasn't in the mood, "What's wrong with you?" said peevishly with absolutely no concern or caring in his tone, "Just not in the mood." This is where I can start pinning some responsibility on DH.

No more talking that night ~~ DH watched TV, I read and listened to my iPod, as far to my side of the bed as I could get without falling off. Pretty much silence most of Sunday, as well. Until DH came storming into the room, blasting me with "What the hell is wrong with you?" Ooh, yeah, way to make me feel safe for opening up & explaining the whole PMS thing. And then, when I did try to say something, not necessarily as nicely as I could have, admittedly, he told me to shut up. Can. Not. Win. That ended any effort at civility for Sunday.

Now, I did kiss DH good bye Monday morning ~~ he was off to Mexico, & I just couldn't let him go without doing that. And we've talked every day ~~ nothing about our tiff or anything lovey or romantic, but not nasty either.

Happy Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T10:41:00.003-06:00

Hi Everyone. Good morning and Happy New Year! Hope you welcomed the new year in just the way you wanted.

Things have been pretty quiet around here. We survived spending five l-o-n-g days together as a family over Christmas -- we're not used to spending so much time with each other. Then back to work for a few days, and now another four days together.

DH and I went out last night. No big New Year's party, just one of the places we like to go, a pub/restaurant with good food and good drinks. And because they don't have a New Year's special, it was not very crowded or noisy. It was really pleasant. We ate, had a couple of drinks, chatted with people, and counted down to midnight. DH kissed my soundly and got a few breast squeezes in too :D

I had planned for some 'outrageous' fun last night, but truthfully, I was too tired after working all day, shopping, and taking care of the kids before we went out. I get a daily horoscope for couples and this is what it said for yesterday:

You and your honey can look forward to sharing a lot of adventures in the coming year. Get yourself off on the right foot by trying something a little bit outrageous tonight.

At the store I bought whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce (DH's favorite) and ice cream (DH likes Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra -- ok, I like it too). I was thinking we could get a neat sheet out in our bedroom and have some food fun. But by the time we got home, it was just going to be too much. Maybe tonight or tomorrow or Saturday...

Not that we didn't have fun last night... We snuggled and touched and kissed. I went down on DH, sucking and licking and nibbling while he wrapped his fist in my hair. Then he went down on me, telling me I 'had' to come from his tongue -- something I find difficult to do. But I did it :D And it didn't take too long, either. Felt so so good. Then some more attention to DH, this time kneeling in front of him.

Before too long, DH had me kneeling on the bed and he quickly entered and thrusted hard and fast bringing me to orgasm. Then he moved me onto my side, with one leg raised -- I came again. Now on my back for a bit, 'til DH wanted me back on all fours for anal.

Oh. My. God. He just moved slowly and gently back and forth, then stood still while I did the movement -- I can't move myself fast enough or hard enough to come, but it kept me right on the edge for what seemed like forever. I kept my face buried in the pillow, fists clenching blankets and pillows as the feelings just built and built and hovered right there at the incredibly exquisite point -- you know the one, where you're so so very close that the slightest movement harder and/or faster is all it will take to tip you over the edge. I could feel the pressure building in my pussy...

The whole time DH is telling me how much he loves my ass, loves to fuck it, that he'll fuck me all night 'til dawn if that's what I want... Then he's telling me to say how much I love his cock and being fucked by him --- I can hardly breathe and think, the sensations are so all consuming, let alone string words together in coherent sentences, but I apparently managed to get enough words out to please him. Finally, he gave a few hard fast thrusts and I was able to orgasm, screaming into the pillow. Then back to the slow and steady movements, guiding me back and forth with his hands on my hips. With the pressure lessened, I could now finally say all the things he wanted to hear me say. I don't know how long this went on, but eventually I had to beg him to just fuck me hard and come. He questioned this, saying he could go on much longer. I just couldn't -- my hips and legs were feeling the strain and the pain was starting to overwhelm the pleasure. So he did, and I did, again, then just collapsed on the bed.

After clean up and some water (staying on the edge for so long, then having multiple screaming orgasms tends to leave me pretty parched), we snuggled some more, holding hands and talking a bit before drifting off to sleep.

********************************************************************

So, our new year appears to be off to a good start :D

Right now, while I'm writing here, DH is finalizing our vacation itinerary, arranging all our flights. This year we're going Down Under, going on a 12 day cruise around New Zealand then across to Australia, from Tasmania up to Sydney. I'm excited. Neither of us has ever been, but we've always wanted to. And since it will be February and bitterly cold here, the warmer weather will be so very very nice.

One of the biggest benefits of DH's travel for work (besides the fun 'welcome home' activities I often plan for him) is all the mileage he collects. He earns over 100,000 miles a year and gets free upgrades. Using the mileage for our trips really reduces the cost of these vacations -- couldn't do all this otherwise. My mom is coming out to watch the kids for us -- DH has arranged for her to fly here and back in first class ($5 per flight). I don't think she's ever flown first class in her life. I'm looking forward to enjoying first class myself for at least one leg of the trip (we fly from here to San Francisco, then to Sydney, then to Auckland; coming back it's Sydney to San Francisco, then to home).

**************************************************************

So, there's a bit of news. Now I'm off to fix some food -- as soon as the Rose Parade is over :D

Wishing You All A Happy, Happy Christmas

2008-12-24T22:00:00.000-06:00

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round -- apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that -- as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore,... though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!

(all quotes from Charles Dickens)

And to all my readers who don't celebrate Christmas -- Happy Hanukkah, Happy Yule, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays!!
May your days be truly happy and bright, and may all your wishes come true.

Robin

Last night...

2008-12-24T11:44:00.003-06:00

oh... wow... I... just wow... DH was ... even now, hours later... just, wow....

There was:

a bath -- with touching, stroking, kissing, fucking (a new position)...
a shower -- with spanking and touching... strongly squeezing my cheeks between spanks
on the bed

snuggling
restraints and a blindfold -- on me
massage oil
tingly oil
vibrator
lots of oral and fingering -- done to me
pussy spanking
sucking -- me on DH

on the floor in front of the fireplace

more massage oil -- on my back this time
more fingering
fucking -- on my side, with random spanks
more oral on him -- tasting me on him (I don't think we've ever done this before)
roughness -- he fucked my mouth, pulled my hair, slapped my face
on all fours -- more fucking while he lubed and fingered me in preparation for anal
anal -- telling me to say how much I loved everything he was doing to me (oh, yeah, I did)
pulling my hair -- incredible.. every pull I felt directly in my pussy
orgasm after orgasm as he pounded forcefully into me
collapsed into sweaty exhausted pile

more snuggling before sleep

Again, WOW. Not sure what inspired DH (I did show him my Snow story after the bath and shower...). Including the bath and shower, we spent more than an hour and a half enjoying each other, trying so many new things. Told him last night if he were to reward me like that after every time I go to the gym, I'd be much more diligent with my exercise *laugh*

And a quickie when we woke up this morning, too. We're now home 'til Monday, so I'm hopeful there will be more fun.

Something New

2008-12-22T19:59:00.002-06:00

Microfantasy Monday - Week 7
inspired by Ang at www.swelteringcelt.com

************************************************************************************
I woke to the sensation of my arms and legs being gently pulled apart and bound to the bed. I slowly opened my eyes to see – darkness. The soft blindfold had been slipped over my eyes while I slept. Wiggling a little I could feel towels beneath me.

“What…?”
“Shhh. I’ll be right back.”

I trembled with anticipation, wondering what was in store. I could hear him, in and out of the bedroom, up and down the stairs, but no other sounds to clue me in on what he was planning. Obviously, he didn’t want me moving, and the towels beneath indicated that things might get messy, but beyond that…. I waited, trying to keep my breathing calm.

I heard him approach, then felt the bed dip as he set his weight upon it. The air around him was cold as he leaned in, cupping my face with chilled hands and kissing me with increasing heat. I moaned and struggled to get closer. He pulled a way with a low laugh.

“Not yet.”

A strange rustling, crunchy sound. And then I felt it… scattered across my body, tightening my nipples, cooling my heat, making me shiver and shudder with it’s intensity.

Snow.

2008-12-21T10:42:00.004-06:00

Have you ever seen the email "Porn for Women"? The one where the men are taking care of all the household chores -- they're doing it without badgering and nagging?

Thursday I went to the gym after work. When I walked through the door, know what I saw?

My hubby, still dressed for work (slacks, dress shirt, tie), with an apron on, mop in his hands and food cooking on the stove.

Wow *pounding pulse, rapid breathing*

How can that not be sexy?

Happy Birthdays to Us -- Part 2

2008-12-20T22:20:00.004-06:00

Most of Saturday was spent on regular errands, household chores and such. Later in the day was shower and get ready to go out time. I had gotten, especially for my birthday, a coupon from a favorite restaurant. Off we went, nice dinner, drinks, dessert and back home, not too early (kids were already asleep) but not so late that we were too tired.

I quickly changed while DH closed everything up downstairs. Hair up, maid outfit on, stilettos on… all ready when he walked into the room. And his face lit up as he took in the scene. DH poured us each a drink, then pulled several implements out, setting them on the bed, within easy reach. I watched, somewhat bemused, and then chagrined when he pulled out the dreaded bath brush. He just grinned, a wicked evil grin.

And then I was bent over the edge of the bed and the hand spanking began. It didn’t last too long, but before I could pout, it became clear that the spanking wasn’t over yet -- DH was ready for a different position. He sat on the bed, legs out straight and I laid over them, feet still on the floor, arms on a pillow. He likes this position as he can be nice and comfy, reach me easily, and watch TV. Now it was time for the real spanking. It was a mix of hand, bath brush, leather paddle, and new hairbrush and went on for quite a while. There was laughing and giggling, wiggling and struggling, spanking and caressing, holding down and reprimanding… We tried to do ‘count the spanks’ but it didn’t work so well – I tried counting the regular way (1, 2, 3, etc.), but DH wanted to count by quarters. So we both said ‘one’, then I said ‘two’ and he said ‘one-and-a-quarter’, then ‘one-and-a-half’ up to about ‘four’ by which time we were both laughing too hard to continue with counting.

Of course, I tried to top from the bottom – ‘other side, too, please’, ‘ack, not so hard’, ‘spank the under side, too’. And, of course, DH really didn’t listen to me.

DH did not hold back. This was not some soft, easy spanking. There were some incredibly painful spanks. I wiggled so much, that DH finally had to put his arm around my waist to hold me in position. Love it when he gets all strong and forceful. :D

Finally, much, much later, it was over. I went to caress DH, to show him my appreciation, and ‘it’ was missing!

Ok, not really gone, just tucked down out of the way – so it wouldn’t get hurt by all my wiggling around. We had another good laugh. And then I did show him my appreciation – DH loves my oral appreciation skills *grin*. We finished up in our same-old way, me on all fours, DH behind me, holding my hips between additional spanks, as he thrust and pounded and brought me to orgasm after orgasm before finally reaching his own release.

So, a day late, but boy oh boy did I get a lovely birthday spanking. And there are pictures of my very red bottom, but they’re not going up here – they’re for my personal viewing pleasure only. (DH would freak if I posted something like that, especially since he has expressly forbidden it).

Part 3 will cover my spanking for DH’s birthday.

Happy Birthdays to Us

2008-12-17T20:07:00.004-06:00

Part 1
My long weekend (December 5th thru 8th) was planned specifically because it was bracketed by our birthdays – mine on Friday and DH’s on Monday. Since I had to take days off from work anyway, why not that Friday and that Monday?

I already posted a bit about what I did on Friday while waiting for DH to get home. The hair coloring was less than successful – I did not want to go really blonde so I had picked a medium blonde dye. Only it didn’t work so well. Apparently my hair likes being red… Oh well, I tried, and in 6 weeks I can try again (I don’t want to fry my hair by dying it too often).

Anyway, off to the airport I scurried, giving myself extra time since I was making the drive in the middle of the workday. Of course, there was no traffic so I arrived at 3:15, about a half an hour before DH’s flight was even expected (mechanical problems led to a late start). I circled a few times, then decided to park and wait. DH called me about 4:15 – they’d been circling for about a ½ hour and now didn’t expect to get to a gate for another ½ hour. It was a little too cold in the car, so DH suggested I go into the airport and wait for him there. After looking fruitlessly for a snack stand (I can’t believe they don’t have any in Arrivals), I had finally settled down to wait when DH called again to say he was walking out right then. It was an hour and ½ later than he was supposed to arrive… He was tired and hungry. We grabbed a bite on the way home, picking some up for the kids too.

Once we got home, DH started to unpack. ‘I couldn’t wrap your present,’ he said as he pulled a wooden hairbrush out of his suitcase – purchased purely for spanking enjoyment (although the wood massage pegs are wonderful, too). And there was a lovely, sentimental card:

For My Wife
I may not always talk about
all the special things
you do for me
and for our family...

…the special things
that make our home
such a happy, loving place
to live…

…but, I want you to know
I couldn’t ask
for a better partner
to share my life with
or a better wife
to share my love.

And DH followed up the card by telling me it was all true, that it expressed exactly how he feels. Wow… You have to understand that we rarely do sentimental; cards are usually humorous if not downright silly, so this was a major change.

And then we went to sleep – DH was just too exhausted. But he promised great things for Saturday.

I keep meaning to get a good post up...

2008-12-11T22:59:00.003-06:00

but life seems to conspire against me.

Left work at 5pm (no working late today, whoohoo)
Arrived at the gym at 6:15 (took the wrong route through town)
Exercised (elliptical and rowing machines) for 45 minutes (I'm already feeling it)
Home about 7:30
Cleaning in prep for housecleaners who come on Friday (silly, but true, & necessary)
Finished wrapping presents so I can ship them out from work tomorrow (no family nearby so it all has to ship earlier enough to make it for Christmas)
Created discs of the Aspen trip for my siblings -- finished at 10:30
Bought a digital picture keychain for DH and he wanted it set up, so did that until a few minute ago (don't know why I had to do it)

So now it is after 11pm and I still didn't manage to get anything 'good' written down for posting. Aagghh! Maybe tomorrow night I'll have time...

If you could see me now

2008-12-05T13:26:00.004-06:00

I look pretty ridiculous.

My newly blonder hair is piled up into a bun on the top of my head. I'm completely bare as I've coated my legs and a few other areas *grin* with hair removal cream. I am bent over at the side of my bed, forearms resting on the bed while I type -- basically a "spank me/fuck me" kinda position -- all so I can keep the hair remover on me and not get any on the bed. All so I can get a little blogging in before I head to the airport to pick up DH.

I've actually been undressed most of the day -- one of my favorite things to when I have the house to myself. I've changed the sheets and made our bed, explored the Internet, read a few blogs, set up a real life Facebook account (if they'd let me hide my last name, I'd try it for this blog too), already reconnected with a high school friend, colored my hair, and now I'm about to shower/shave/exfoliate/moisturize so I'm all nice for DH.

**************************************************

Showering, etc. is done. Just waiting for OC to get home from school and then I'll leave.

Just for fun, here's a pic of our bed. Can you tell who sleeps on which side? And before you snicker, there's a very special story about the blue bear:

When my dad died in 2004, all the grandkids received teddy bears made from his shirts (made by my stepmother). I mentioned how much I would like one too, a just a short while later I did. I can even remember my dad wearing this shirt. So, my 'opa' bear gets a special place on my bed. (Opa is what all the grandkids call my dad).

Gotta go -- DH flight lands in an hour, and it takes about that long to get to the airport.

Not sure what the plans are for tonight, although dinner out is on the agenda. Hopefully there will be something shareworthy :)

Done a little work...

2008-12-02T23:07:00.005-06:00

Changed some things around over in the sidebar. Still needs tweaking, but I can only do so much at a time.

I've got some books on HTML and web/blog design. At some point I'll have to pull them out and try out a few things. I'm pretty good at reverse engineering from existing code -- not much experience with starting from scratch. And I may not be IT, but everyone in my facility comes to me first when they have a computer issue, and most of the time I can figure it out without involving the helpdesk. So some ability there.

Still haven't tackled DH's 'special assignment.' Been getting home a little later than I should the last couple of nights, then I spend time with the kids watching holiday shows (keeping everyone up later than I should), and finally a little time on the computer and it's way too late to stay up to review porn.

DH wanted to get me an iPhone for my birthday. I talked him out of it. Not that I wouldn't like to have one, but it's a little out of the budget right now. My mandatory pay cut is really hurting us. We were talking about planning a trip early next year, most likely to Australia/New Zealand, but we've even put those plans on hold. DH's parents are supposed to visit and I'm hoping we can get away for a night or two in a hotel in the city. If things turn around, then we can always take a trip later in the year. And this year is a DH and me only trip. I look forward to getting away without the kids.

So, uneventful normal day.

I have to point out

2008-12-02T00:36:00.003-06:00

that obviously my attempt to neatly add pics to the last post failed miserably when the post was actually published. What is with that? They were lined up nice and neat when I was putting the post together. AAAGGGGHHHH.

And I added the code from Feedburner at the end of the posts to allow readers to add to other programs (don't know the techinical term, if there is one), and it shows on all the older posts, but not the newest one. Why? Does anyone out there know, and can explain it in fairly plain language?

Very frustrating when the post does not turn out as you expected it to, based on what is seen during compose.....

Warning -- Long Post Ahead

2008-12-02T00:17:00.009-06:00

I hope everyone who celebrated Thanksgiving had a good one – and hopefully a spanksgiving, too :)

No such luck here :(.

Ok, Thanksgiving was fine – other than the chicken (no one here likes particularly likes turkey, plus it is just too much for the 5 of us), which took twice as much time to cook than planned for. Apparently, it was frozen inside and no one (uh, me) realized it. So we filled ourselves with mashed potatoes (made by the kidlets following OC’s special recipe), stuffing (from a box, made by me), crescent rolls (from refrigerated tubes), homemade cranberry sauce, gravy (jarred with drippings from the chicken), green and yellow beans (which no one ate but me), an Indo-Pakistani chicken dish (made by and eaten only by DH), and no chicken. By the time the chicken was done, no one was interested. So I just pulled all the meat from the bones and added it to the leftovers in the fridge. Dessert was pumpkin pie or harvest fruit pie (both store bought) with homemade whipped cream and a steamed cranberry pudding with butter cream sauce (made by me at the special request of OC). But it was a good day – no major upsets, everyone working together to fix dinner and then clean up after.

Joining DH in bed later, I did bring up how a spanksgiving would be greatly appreciated by me *sigh* No go. Kids were still up and DH was concerned that they might hear something. I’m not so sure. Our house is pretty solidly built with heavy wood doors. When OC is in her room with the door closed, I can’t even hear her music – until I open her door and discover that she’s headed for early hearing loss. I know when our door is closed and the TV or stereo is on, I certainly cannot hear anything going on in the kids’ rooms, so, unless they were to stand right outside our door with ears pressed to it, I really don’t think they’d hear much of anything. But, DH is the boss, so I didn’t press the point, although I was a wee bit disappointed. We did have some nice sex, however :D

Let’s see, what else to blather on about…

The crock full of lovely wooden kitchen utensils… Here are some pics (taking these upstairs for pics did not go unnoticed – OC sent YC up to “spy” on me)

19 beautiful grape wood kitchen tools – and it’s looking pretty unlikely that any one of them will be used for anything outside of the kitchen *sniffle* When I mentioned my “ooh, new toys” reaction to seeing them on the counter, he looked at me as if I were speaking ancient Greek. It took him a few minutes and then he got it – and was completely noncommittal about the possibility of any of these making it upstairs. It’s not as if we don’t already have plenty of wooden utensils in the kitchen, and of course, not all of these would work as toys, but still…

I’m seriously beginning to think DH is a hopeless case and I’m going to be pretty damn frustrated for the rest of my life. Now that my needs to be dominated and spanked (and anything else ‘fun’) have been faced, accepted, and put out there, they're out and there’s no putting them back – closing those needs and wants back up inside. It’s so not healthy to leave things bottled up and repressed – been there, done that, refuse to do it again. Not sure how I’m going to handle this…

Ok, back to my review of our holiday. Amazingly, we survived 5 days of togetherness without any major eruptions, although there were some heightened tensions for a while on Saturday.

Friday, DH and I were getting ready for some fun, when the housecleaners arrived far earlier than expected. Normally they arrive in the afternoon, but no, Friday they walked through the door at 9.30 am. So we hurriedly dressed, picked up and scurried out the door. We considered shopping, but the traffic around the mall quickly discouraged any thoughts of heading in. Finally, the Chinese buffet was open and we went in for an early lunch. Nothing tasted off, but I don’t think I can eat there anymore. I felt so awful when we got home – cold and shivering with sharp stomach pains. I went to bed. Didn’t eat for over 24 hours – somehow knowing that food is making you feel so awful makes even thought of eating anything really unappealing. Regardless of how icky my stomach was feeling, after a nice warm shower with DH I felt revived enough to have a good time with him. Pretty darn vanilla *sigh*

Saturday, my baby brother flew into town for a business conference. Before we got up and ready to go, we did find time for a quickie – at least for the last week we were back to multiple times, instead of the once every 10 days pattern we’d been experiencing. A quick shower and then out the door. We picked my brother up at the airport, stopping at our favorite gyro place for a late lunch, brought him home for a few hours, including a walk around downtown with a stop at Starbucks for cocoa and cider, then drove into the big city to drop him off at his hotel. Just spent a nice time together. Remember, I’d just seen him a couple of weeks ago in Aspen, but it had been a year since everyone else had seen him. Got to see some cute pics of his 4 kids. They are all growing so fast.

After getting back home, DH mentioned a desire to get some new porn movies. So I did a search on the Internet. There is apparently only ONE store within 10 miles of our home. The only other store in our town that has adult movies is a regional franchise lingerie/toy store, and their movie selection is extremely limited. With my MapQuest directions, DH set out to find the store. Apparently it’s not very obvious to the passerby as DH missed it and had to turn around J He came home with 8 DVDs (6 were in a set). One DVD was especially for me – spankings (DH can be surprisingly thoughtful).

My stomach was still off on Saturday, unfortunately. But weirdly, in a complete turnaround from the nasty chills the night before, I now was roasting, with non-stop sweating. Just another icky thing to deal with. The gyros + hot chocolate kept me full ‘til Sunday morning.

Sunday morning – no fun. Oh well. DH needed to get packed, I needed to get laundry started, so out of bed we got. DH requested that I fix scrambled eggs for breakfast. I knew I wasn’t up to eating them – stomach still off – however that didn’t mean I couldn’t fix them for the family. So following DH’s instructions on how to make scrambled eggs ‘his’ way, I got to cracking *snicker*. YC took on toast duty. I had plain oatmeal and pomegranate seeds – yummy. According to MC the eggs were ‘good, but not as good as Dad’s’. DH thought they tasted just like when he fixes them. Oh well – there’s no pleasing some people (MC). Once we were done eating, it was time to head to the airport – again.

DH had an eventful flight, but did arrive safely in Mexico. He gets back on Friday, just in time for our birthday weekend (me Friday, him Monday). I’ve taken both days off so I’ll have another extra long weekend. I’ve mentioned birthday spankings – again, more demurement from DH. So I’m not holding my breath. He did make a special call to me – gave me a “special assignment” while he’s gone. I’m to review the new DVDs and then share with him the scenes I particularly ‘enjoyed’. Haven’t done it yet – maybe I’ll find some time tomorrow night :)

So that brings us up to date. I really am determined to get something posted everyday this week. Well, maybe not Friday as I’ll be busy changing my hair to blonde (DH’s request), cleaning house, picking DH up from the airport, and celebrating my birthday. I will be sure to let you all know how that goes.

New Toys?

2008-11-26T15:50:00.003-06:00

Today's one of my unpaid furlough days, so I got to take OC to her orthodontist appointment -- 2 hours to get there, 2 hours to wait, 2 hours to get home. Long day. It's worth the long trip every 4 - 6 weeks as the ortho there charges at least half of what they charge where we live.

Anyway...

Came home, walked into the kitchen and my mind said "ooooh, new toys."

Now, obviously, DH would not leave true toys sitting on the kitchen counter.

What I saw was a gift from one of his suppliers -- a crock full of brand new kitchen tools. You know the kind I mean, the mostly wooden ones -- spoons, stirrers, salad tongs, etc.

I'm wondering if I can convince DH that some of them should come upstairs....

I forgot

2008-11-24T11:09:00.001-06:00

to tell you how DH welcomed me home after my trip to Colorado *grin*
I was waiting in baggage claim, back to the airport doors, when "THWACK!!", DH's hand connected soundly, and loudly, with my backside. Not only did the spank echo in the cavernous area, but so did my yelp of surprise. We got quite a few looks *blush*. Then a nice big hug (no kisses cuz I didn't want to spread my icky sick germs).
A totally nice welcome home, considering we generally don't park and go in to the airport, but circle 'til the traveller emerges ready to go home.
And then, he went and got the car so I wouldn't have to drag my crampy, stuffy, coughy, sneezy, tired self through the cold and snow flurries to the car. Sometimes he surprises me with his thoughtfulness.
Because I was sick and suffering from that time of the month, nothing more happened. And then DH left on Monday for Mexico. However, I did make sure that Saturday he got a very big welcome home. Perhaps I'll share later....

MyPersonality.info Badge

2008-11-22T09:00:00.001-06:00

Saw this on another blog (don't remember which one). Seems pretty accurate. Explains a lot :D

INFP - The "Dreamer"

INFPs are introspective, private, creative and highly idealistic individuals that have a constant desire to be on a meaningful path. They are driven by their values and seek peace. Empathetic and compassionate, they want to help others and humanity as a whole. INFPs are imaginitive, artistic and often have a talent for language and writing. They can also be described as easygoing, selfless, guarded, adaptable, patient and loyal.

Details

Preferences
Introverted
iNtuition
Feeling
Perceiving

Temperament
NF (Visionary)

INFP
Population
Total: 2%
Male: 1.5%
Female: 2.5%

Primary Function
Introverted Feeling

Secondary Function
Extraverted Intuition

Tertiary Function
Introverted Sensing

Least Function
Extraverted Thinking

About the INFP

Expert Quotes & Links
"To understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith..."
- The Portrait of a Healer Idealist (Keirsey)

"INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life."
- Portrait of an INFP (The Personality Page)

"creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings..."
- INFP Jung Type Descriptions (similarminds.com)

"An INFP's feelings form the foundations of the individual. They are sacred and binding, in the sense that their emergence requires no further justification. An INFP's feelings are often guarded, kept safe from attack and ridicule. Only a few, close confidants are permitted entrance into this domain."
- INFP Profile (INFP Mailing List)

"Highly creative, artistic and spiritual, they can produce wonderful works of art, music and literature. INFPs are natural artists. They will find great satisfaction if they encourage and develop their artistic abilities. That doesn't mean that an INFP has to be a famous writer or painter in order to be content. Simply the act of "creating" will be a fulfilling source of renewal and refreshment to the INFP. An INFP should allow himself or herself some artistic outlet, because it will add enrichment and positive energy to their life."
- INFP Personal Growth (The Personality Page)

"INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glassworld where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities."
- INFP Profile (TypeLogic)

"Their job must be fun, although not racous, and it must be meaningful to them. They need a strong purpose in their work. They want to be recognized and valued, without undue attention given to them. They may become embarrassed when make the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time."
- INFP - The Dreamer (Lifexplore)

Famous INFPs

Real INFP People
A. A. Milne - author (Winnie the Pooh)
Albert Schweitzer - theologian, musician, physician
Aldous Huxley - English author
Amy Tan - author (The Joy-Luck Club)
Annie Dillard - author (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek)
Audrey Hepburn - actress (Breakfast at Tiffany's)
Dick Clark - television personality
Donna Reed - acress
Fred Rogers - Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
Fred Savage - actor (The Wonder Years)
George Orwell - author, journalist
Helen Keller - deaf/blind author, activist, lecturer
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow - American poet
Isabel Briggs Myers - psychological theorist
J. R. R. Tolkien - writer (Lord of the Rings)
James Herriot - veterinary surgeon, writer
James Taylor - singer-songwriter, guitarist
John - Disciple of Jesus
John F. Kennedy, Jr. - lawyer, journalist, publisher
Laura Ingalls Wilder - author (Little House on the Prairie)
Lisa Kudrow - actress ("Phoebe" on Friends)
Luke - physician, author
Mary - Mother of Jesus
Mia Farrow - actress
Neil Diamond - musician
Peter Jackson - filmmaker (Lord of the Rings
Princess Diana - Princess of Wales
Scott Bakula - actor (Start Trek Enterprise)
Tom Brokaw - television journalist
Virgil - ancient Roman poet
William Shakespeare - English poet and playwright

Fictional INFPs (Characters)
Anne - Anne of Green Gables
Bastian Balthazar Bux - The Neverending Story
Calvin - Calvin and Hobbes
Deanna Troi - Star Trek: The Next Generation
Doctor Julian Bashir - Star Trek: Deep Space 9
Doug Funnie - Doug cartoon
E.T. - E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Fox Mulder - X-Files
Rocko - Rocko's Modern Life
Tommy Pickles - Rugrats
Wesley Crusher - Star Trek: The Next Generation

INFP Career Matches

INFPs are often happy with the following jobs which tend to match well with the Dreamer/Visionary personality:

Activist
Actor
Architect
Artist
Church Worker
Counselor
Editor
Educational Consultant
Employee Development Specialist
Fashion Designer
Filmmaker
Graphic/Web Designer
Holistic Health Practitioner
Human Resources
Journalist
Legal Mediator
Librarian
Massage Therapist
Minister
Missionary
Musician
Photographer
Physical Therapist
Psychologist/Counselor
Researcher
Social Scientist
Social Worker
Speech Pathologist
Teacher/Professor
Translator/Interpreter
Video Editor
Writer

Sooooo...

2008-11-21T20:47:00.004-06:00

... back home, back at work, DH travelling... yep, things are back to normal.

Work's hectic -- lots of lay offs, including my boss. Am really hoping it doesn't reach down to my level. Unlikely, but you never know. The company is struggling and the best way to quickly save money is to let people go. However, I am the only one in my department and the only person in the whole company who does exactly what I do -- so I think they'd be struggling a bit if they got rid of me abruptly. I'm still keeping my fingers and toes crossed :D

Kids are fine. They say they missed me... hmmmm. Maybe. Looking forward to the upcoming holidays. Although everything is going to be low key this year -- losing 15% of my income for 3 months is really hurting.

DH and I got to spend one whole day together -- Sunday -- and then he was off again. Of course, I was sick and miserable and it was that time of the month, so nothing of any real excitement happened. Although DH was happy that my "magic hands" were home -- and I used them :D. I'm hoping he's not too worn out this weekend -- he gets home Saturday night and I really need quality US time. In fact, I've been making sure all the candles are good, burning out the dust that accumulated in the electric fireplace, and cleaning out the whirlpool tub in the hopes that tomorrow night or Sunday I can entice him into some lovin'.

Oh, and where did I go with my sibs? We went to Aspen, Colorado. I really like Aspen. We went 4 years ago, right after Dad died, stayed at the St. Regis and just really enjoyed the area. We went a little bit later this year, so Independence Pass was closed. But there really wasn't that much snow on the ground, and the beautiful weather while we were there reduced it even further. We went to Glenwood Springs -- hiked up a hill to see where Doc Holliday is buried and took a tour of the Glenwood Caverns. Even went back a second day to go on some of the rides up at the caverns. Really had a fun time. Here's a picture of the view from my room.

Some things were difficult about the trip -- I really didn't feel like I could be myself. I do not share the same religious or political beliefs as my siblings. And religion and politics were frequent topics of discussion. I just listened, not wanting to open a can of worms. And then trying to get a little posting, etc. done -- angling the computer so it would be less obvious what I was doing. Oh, and hiding my tattoo under a t-shirt when we went to the spa and sat in the hot tub and pool. It would have ended up as 3 against 1 and I just wasn't up to it. Did share with my sister what happened between DH and me back in February. I had never told any of my family about it -- nothing any of them could of done and it just would have increased stress levels when dealing with them.

We're supposed to get together annually. Three years ago we went to the Eagle/Vail area and just didn't like it as much. I'm hoping next time we get together there are ocean and beaches involved. After all those years of living on the West Coast, actually near the coast, I'm more than ready for a beach vacation. We'll see. We try to find places where no one of us has to travel a lot more than any other -- and we all live in different states.

Other stuff -- since Blogrolling isn't working, I've switched to the Blogger blog listing. I know there's a lot there, but with the help of iGoogle and the Google Reader, I really am able to keep up with them all. I'm following Greenwoman's advice, starring the ones I want to reread and/or comment on. I'm hit and miss with Twittering, but I am following more Twitters and enjoying it.

Tomorrow I need to clean up in the bedroom, shower, shave and just have everything all nice for DH when he gets home. He called me "honey" twice on the phone today -- he doesn't do pet names often, so I'm hoping it means he misses me.

Hope to post some more tomorrow... We'll see :)

Aaaachoooo!

2008-11-14T21:47:00.003-06:00

Yep, that's right, I'm on vacation and I'm sick.

I don't think I ever fully got over the cold or whatever it was that I had during physical. Then there was the travelling on Wednesday, and yesterday we went out and definitely overexerted ourselves. We are at a high altitude here, and what did we do yesterday -- hiked up a hill to see a historical cemetery and then went on a cave tour where we had to climb up over 100 steps to get out of the cave. Lots and lots of labored breathing. I live basically at sea-level so this has been tough. The labored breathing pulled muscles in my back.

Oh, and to top it off, I've hardly slept. I cannot get comfortable enough to sleep through the night, and when I woke up too early this morning I couldn't get back to sleep because congestion that had come on during the night made it impossible to breathe through my nose. And I have a really hard time falling asleep while breathing through my mouth.

Managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed, determined I was getting a sinus infection, took the cold medicine I brought (I always travel as prepared as possible) then joined my sibs downstairs for breakfast before heading out again for the day. Went back to the cave area and went on a coaster ride -- too fun. Then headed back to the hotel for massages, oxygen, jacuzzi and pool time. We are all just wiped out. After the spa, a quiet dinner, then I holed up in our room while everyone else went for a walk -- just not feeling well enough. When they came back, I joined them at a firepit for s'mores and hot cider. It's been a pretty relaxing day -- just wish I felt better.

And, I don't know if it's the altitude or the congestion, but my benign positional vertigo seems to have returned as well. I really don't like feeling dizzy at every movement. Plus it has turned into that time of the month. I'm just a walking mess right now.

Besides the illness and lack of sleep, we've been having a good time. The weather has been gorgeous -- although I think all of us would have liked a little more snow. Tomorrow, a little shopping in the morning, lunch at an awarding winning bbq restaurant then 1st airport of the day. I won't get home until after 9pm tomorrow night. DH plans to pick me up. Maybe while shopping I'll find a new implement to take home... hmmmm :)

Sunday will be a rest and recuperate day. Hope I can get past this cold before work on Monday.

Took lots of pictures -- maybe I'll get some posted here or over on my other blog.

In response to John's comment

2008-11-14T00:10:00.004-06:00

"Hope things are going well between you and DH. Just between the two of us, never thought of taking a lover in the past when marriage seemed doomed?

Things are okay -- still nowhere near enough spankings, sex, or just plain intimacy as far as I'm concerned, but no blowups, major or minor, either. Not my libido or energy level, but his (although between my crazy work load the past several months, his travels and life in general, I suppose it's not too surprising).

Taking a lover? Nope never a serious thought of doing so. Why? Oh so many reasons.

First, we lived for a long while as what I would call more roommates with benefits than as husband and wife. We slept in the same bed, had sex (uh, yeah, 3 kids), but other than that just never seemed to be on the same page relationship wise. Having kids changed my body (negatively) and took up a lot of my time and energy, plus working and trying to keep house -- I certainly didn't feel attractive to myself or to my husband, so why would I think anyone else would find me so. And I basically just closed myself off emotionally. And although it's never been diagnosed, I do believe that off and on over the years I have suffered from mild depression -- much less now than ever before.

Second, it's not in my nature. Even when things have been at their worse, I can't even imagine myself having an affair. When I am fantasizing about someone other than DH , I am not me (if that even makes sense) or I am an alternate reality me where I am not married to DH. Just can't seriously see myself taking that kind of risk. Seeing myself just walk away, yes; cheating, no. And really what made me stay was not an undying love, but lack of energy (depression), complacency (this is just how it is), not seeing how I could ever find anything better (self-esteem issues), not wanting to be alone, and worrying about finances and taking care of the kids.

Third, while I may fantasize about wild and crazy casual sexual encounters, I don't think that I can really do that. I truly am more of relationship sort of person -- there has to be connection beyond the purely physical. Plus, I never go anywhere where I might even meet someone -- I don't even put myself in a situation where DH might question my fidelity. We go out together or with friends -- I don't think I've ever even been to a bar by myself. Even when I was single, I was always with friends. Never been a party girl. I do realize that the internet could make it easier to find a potential lover, but since I'm not looking, I don't 'look'.

We have discussed open marriages/polyamory. And while I think I am more than capable of loving more than one person, keeping our marriage primary, and following whatever rules we would lay out, DH doesn't trust himself to follow any rules and would take it as the freedom to do whatever he wanted, with whomever, with no regard for our marriage, me or the 'rules'. So we don't even discuss it anymore.

Anyway. So I have stayed, not strayed, and things have improved. Are we perfect? Yeah, right, you've seen us on all the talk shows advising everyone on how to have the perfect marriage, haven't you? Hah. It's still pretty close to one day at a time, with some better than others. I just stay hopeful, and keep working on my communication skills. He's not a mind reader... yet *grin*

So, John, is that enough of an answer, do you need more, or do you have more questions?

Let me know.

Safely Arrived

2008-11-12T16:41:00.002-06:00

Well, I have joined up with my siblings and we are all settling into the luxurious life, for the next few days. Not used to having anyone else opening my doors, carrying my bags, etc. But I'll get used to it :D

Thank you everyone who left comments for LOL Day. I will personally respond to each one as soon as possible -- only had a 1/2 hour of computer time last night and spent that delurking myself on several blogs.

It's not going to be easy posting or keeping up with reading while on vacay with the sibs -- a little to easy for them to see my blog title and the subject matter of all the blogs I like to read. Oh well, I'll do what I can. I tried at the airport, but apparently their service was down. Terribly frustrating as I had a 3.5 hour layover.

Hoping the kidlets survive 4 days home with DH. I've advised everyone to be on their best behavior, but apparently already irritation has started *sigh*

Gotta say, it is beautiful here. Mountains are snowy, hotel is beautiful and it's even snowing right now. I really miss mountains.

Anyway, later all.

Love Our Lurkers Day 2008

2008-11-11T08:12:00.000-06:00

Hey, there, all my lurkers... it's that day of the year when I expressly post just to say "Thank You" for continuing to stop by, and by doing so, giving me a reason to keep writing. I know posts have been few and far between lately, and certainly light on sex and spankings when I do manage to get something up. And because of this, I am especially grateful that you do keep checking this blog and leaving the occasional comment.

Please, I beg, take the time today to leave me a comment or send me an email -- let me know you've been by, tell me what you like about my blog, give suggestions, ask questions. I promise I will respond (I have 4 days of vacation coming up that involve hours in planes and in airports -- lots of time to write).

Don't forget to stop by My Bottom Smarts and leave a note for Bonnie -- she's the one who coordinates this every year. I plan to pay MBS a visit and leave a comment :)

Hang on a minute....

2008-11-03T19:47:00.002-06:00

Gotta find the dustrags, broom and polish. Man, look at all the dust, cobwebs, dead bugs and dried leaves that have made their way into here...
*dust dust wipe wipe cough cough ack sneeze sweep sweep polish*
Amazing how much gunk builds up when you ignore something for a while.

To be fair, there hasn't been a lot happening to really write about, and even when I felt like jotting something down, time and energy (or lack thereof) conspired against me.

Hope everyone enjoyed Halloween -- I was working. And not that you're interested but here's how my past week went:

Saturday 10-25 took DH to the airport as he was off to Europe again

Sunday took it easy

Monday off to work, didn't leave 'til after 6pm as we were prepping for physical inventory

Tuesday repeat of Monday

Wednesday into Thursday -- up at 7am to get the kidlets to school, then lazed around all day, trying to rest since I would be up all night at work (yes, you read that right, all night); left home at 430pm dropping off kids along the way; got to work about 6pm expecting tags to start printing around 9pm but the &#%&$#&($ new operating system screwed that all up and we didn't start printing until 2am which is when the first count teams arrived. T was supposed to be in bed in her hotel room at that time so I could leave at 10am when she came back. Didn't work out that way -- I left at 6pm Thursday night (24 hours after arriving at work), getting home at 7pm (36 hours after I left). First thing I did after arriving home to my empty house was strip out of the clothes I'd been wearing for over 24 hours. And I didn't put anything else on, but wandered around completely nude while I heated up some food in the microwave and then crawled into bed. I fell asleep around 8pm, woke up around 930pm, fell asleep again after 11pm.

Friday -- Happy Halloween (for everybody else). Up at 6pm, showered and off to work, picking up bagels along the way. Got to work about 8am. Work, work, work until the VP finally tells me to leave about 8pm. I was not about to argue. Got home around 9pm, just in time to share some pizza with the kids, check out YC's haul and comment on how pretty she looked in her snow princess costume. Finally fell asleep around 11pm.

Saturday -- up at 3am because I had to be at work at 430am. More work and struggle, lots of griping (ok, bitching) from the guys out in the warehouse. So did not want to hear them -- at least they were getting some nice over- and double-time for all the extra hours they were working. I'm salaried -- my paycheck does not represent all the hours I put in (although my boss the VP has granted me another day off with pay). VP finally told me to leave at 8pm, leaving only 3 people still there (VP, T and manager). Apparently manager was able to leave at 1045pm, while VP and T ended up staying 'til 630am Sunday -- and all because of the new operating system.

Forgot to mention that I had a nasty cold all through this (still do in fact). Spent most of Sunday in bed, resting, dozing, sleeping. I am still just wiped.

But back to regular hours this week. Thank goodness. I even have Friday off (unpaid, mandatory furlough day). DH is also taking the day off and he mentioned something about dressing up... Gonna need some clarification on how exactly he wants me to dress up... Hopefully it will lead to something fun and juicy to psot here :)

And then next week, I work 2 days, then have 3 vacation days. I am heading to .... for 4 days with my sister and 2 brothers. It's a semi-tradition since our dad died. It will be nice to get away for a few days. Maybe after I'll spill the details, but here's some general infor to pique your curiousity -- mountains (so cold and possibly snowy), tourist town, 5 star hotel with fantastic spa (sis and I have already planned a spa day). I hope I come back well rested and relaxed.

Oh, DH and I have had some us time, just not near enough as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I'll get some of the written down for posting...

2008-10-26T21:18:00.001-06:00

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Audrey!

You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"

Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

* If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure

* I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this

* Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit

* Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally

* Ask me questions to help me get clear

* Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery

* Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings

* I like a good discussion but not a confrontation

* Let me know you like what I've done or said

* Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life

What I Like About Being an Audrey

* being nonjudgmental and accepting

* caring for and being concerned about others

* being able to relax and have a good time

* knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around

* my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator

* my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now

* being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being an Audrey

* being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive

* being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline

* being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally

* being confused about what I really want

* caring too much about what others will think of me

* not being listened to or taken seriously

Audreys as Children Often

* feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant

* tune out a lot, especially when others argue

* are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Audreys as Parents

* are supportive, kind, and warm

* are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

iGoogle

2008-10-17T12:27:00.001-05:00

Don't know if anyone out there also uses iGoogle, but they just made some layout changes that really suck. Tabs used to be on the top -- now they're on the left side, totally screwing up my gadgets. And it's not an option, they're just there.

If you use iGoogle and are also unhappy with the changes, a petition has been started and can be accessed here http://www.petitiononline.com/igoogle/petition.html
Can't be certain Google will pay attention, but I would think that the more people who complain, the more likely they are to pay heed and hopefully make the requested changes.

2008-10-07T12:27:00.001-05:00

Ok. So you can see I haven't been posting all that much lately (hah -- hardly at all).

But, thanks to Google I am able to keep up with all my favorite blogs. I can take a brief break while at work and read them in the Google Reader. Only problem is... I can't comment :(
OK, I probably could, but that would require actually going to the blog which then has a possibility of showing up in my computer history (I'm at work, remember). So... I don't risk it. I make notes of posts I want to go back to so I can comment, but by the time I leave work, go to the gym, make sure the kids are fed and then in bed, I'm too exhausted to get on line.
Point is, I am still here and avidly enjoying all of you out there who do manage to get regular posts and comments in. I'm feeling like a major lurker (bad, bad, bad) when that's really not what I like or want to be.

Very little beyond TV and sleep is happening in our bedroom lately. And the TV watching is pretty much controlled by DH. Damn sports. And the moment one sports season finally ends, another 1 (or 2) pops up to take it's place. 3 out of 4 of DH's preferred baseball teams are out, greatly reducing the number of games he may want to see, but I know we'll be watching 'til the end. And now football and basketball are starting up. DH isn't so much into football, but if the local team is playing, we're watching. And basketball? That's the very first sport he got hooked on -- LA Lakers. And he still watches that like crazy. Only good thing when he travels is that I finally get to watch what I want. :D

Speaking of DH and travels. He's home this week but leaves Sunday for Russia and then France. And just in time for his parents to arrive. I'm stressing already. They're nice people but there are some major cultural and language gaps. Hopefully relatives in the area will help keep them entertained while I'm working.

And work -- I have 10 unpaid furlough days I have to take between now and the end of the year. YEAH to no work, BOO to no pay and no decrease in workload, just fewer days to use it. And they're taking money from me every pay period whether I take days off or not. So 10 furlough days, 1 vacation day, 2 floater holidays, and 2 freebies to take in the next 3 months. My hope is that on some of these days off I can catch up not only with some household things I've been putting off, but also with the blogosphere (reading, writing, commenting, etc.). I plan to start by using one of my freebies tomorrow -- DH is taking the day off and the kids are in school; I'm really hoping for some quality time *wink, wink, grin*

Hmmmmm... can't think of anything else to jot down right now.... maybe later...

Cravings

2008-10-02T13:31:00.002-05:00

Why is it that the moment you can't have something, you want it more than anything else? You think about it, dream about it, fantasize about it, see it everywhere...

And, yes, I'm talking sex (and spankings) here. Although it does apply just as well to chocolate :)

So, DH and I are still struggling to get back in sync. Had some nice times last weekend, but we're not back like we were a while ago. DH is off travelling again this week (unavailable) -- and I've been sooooo horny. It's driving me nuts!

Now, I can of course *cough* take care of myself :D But's just not the same as being with that special someone, pleasuring and being pleasured.

And it's not only while I'm home that I'm feeling this way. It's like I'm in a constant state of arousal -- when I get up, while I'm commuting, while at work, after the gym (ok, for some reason, working out really works me up, the endorphins fuel the hormones, or something). And naughty girl that I am, I don't always wait 'til I'm home, locked in my bedroom, before I scratch the itch. And I know I'm not the only one who sneaks away into the bathroom at work, or finds a secluded parking place, or even indulges while driving (a woman called the radio station day and admitted it).

DH gets home this evening. Not sure what the weekend holds, between travel exhaustion (him), work exhaustion (me), baseball games (him), laundry (me)... Hopefully we'll find the time and energy to fully enjoy each other.

100

2008-09-16T15:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally did it -- 100 posts! Whoo hoo!

And in all the work craziness I managed to completely miss my 1 year blogiversary, way back in July.

And look at my stat counter -- up over 40,000.

Wow. So much has happened in one year and 100 posts -- the good, the bad, the downright ugly; trials, tribulations and triumphs.

Well, here's to 100 more posts, another year of blogging an 40,000 more "hits". Thank you for staying with me so far, and I hope you continue to keep me company.